Monday, March 31, 2008

Tired..
Feeling sooo tired. Couldn't sleep last nite. Don't ask why coz I dunno why either.

Anyway, busy day at work with lots of system issues plus the month end. Before I knew it, it was lunch time. Bought back to office to eat and before I know it, it was time to start work again. The next time I knew it, it was 6.30pm already. Time just flew away. Not complaining coz it keeps me occupied but I'm really really tired..

Finished work at 9pm. Edmund gor allowed me to use my cab card to take cab home though it wasn't time yet. Thank God for that! Reached home within 15 minutes and I'm on my bed now. Yet to bathe and my room is still in a mess. Starting to feel hungry but I'm too dead to wanna move and get food. All I wanna do now is to die on my bed... Oops. I meant lie on my bed. Haha.

Can't believe I can still be so crappy. Sighz.. Time to bathe..

magz [9:42 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

My Dearest Girlfriends!!
Friday (29 March 2008)
Seems like Edmund gor is leaving. Sense the vibes and from the things that Lynette and he have been saying. Don't feel good. Don't want him to leave. If he goes, so do I. Seriously. I'm not sure if anyone is qualified enough to take over his place. I doubt so, and definitely not me. Nobody is ever up to that standard. He's so much better than Lynette as a manager, maybe better than anybody else in the department. Sighz... The reason why I joined this department is coz of him. Don't think I can do without him in the department, hence if he leaves, I'll leave too.

Met JZ at NTUC Tampines Mall after work. He had tummy ache so I shopped at NTUC while waiting for him. During the wait, I managed to pick so many things to buy that I spent more than $100. Haha. Yeah.. I can even shop at a supermarket and spend so much. I'm so crappy.

Walked around Tampines basement and bought snacks. Bought food from Breadtalk, Taiwanese dessert (egg pudding with peanuts topping), MOS peach tea and Taiwanese fried chicken. Headed back to my place to put down the groceries that I bought, paid my cleaner and packed my stuff to be brought to his place for the weekend.

Dinner at Kallang Oasis Taiwanese porridge at 11+pm. Not a very good dinner. Next table talked so much and so loud and I find that it's all talk but no action kind of stupid talk about work that I hate. And the dishes weren't that delicious that nite either. Sighz.. Back to his place where I slept almost immediately. He slept a few hours later but hugged me tight to sleep. Finally!

Saturday (29 March 2008)
He was supposed to be on standby for mobilisation but thank God he wasn't involved for the recall. :) But the many sms-es and phonecalls woke me up so many times during the day. He was nice enough to let me carry on sleeping all the way til 3pm before he started disturbing me to wake up.

Showered and we took a bus to Vivo. It was a 1 hour bus ride!! So long! But I'm not complaining coz I had his company all the way and we had fun playing my DS Lite on the bus ride. :p Ate breakfast cum lunch cum dinner at the Seah Im Market where we shared char kway teow and I had a bowl of seafood beehoon soup.

Walked to Vivo where we bought tickets to watch "Empress and the Warriors" at GV Gold Class using my free vouchers. Saw my mentor, Mahesh, and his wife. They were using his vouchers too! Haha. We both won it together and only used it on the last few days before expiry. Haha. Lazy us. Met up with JZ's friend, Darren and his wife for a short while then went for our show at 7.30pm.

Show was ok. I liked the theme song. Was nice. Walked around at Candy Empire and saw the Flying Dutchman and his family. Haha. Bought so much chocs and sweets for myself, paid by my dear as always. Hehe. Took a train to Eunos and he ate fishball noodles at the market before we headed back to his place. Bathed, watched my DVD til 1+am then slept. He disturbed me and tickled me so much before I slept. But I felt a tingling sensation that I haven't felt for a long time. :) Fell asleep happily and he only slept at 5am.

Sunday (30 March 2008)
Woke up at 12noon to have my lunch of wanton mee which his sis bought for us. Ate, showered and prepared to go for salsa after 4 weeks of non-training.

Salsa was fun! Haven't danced in a long while and was a bit hard to catch up but once we had enough practise, it was good and fun. Was really enjoyable!

Vivo again after salsa. Had coffee with Chris Yeo and Felix then met up with the girls - Jean, Eevon, Stef and bf Jeremy, and Anne for dinner at Aji by Hanabi for Japanese buffet dinner. Chatted, caught up, laughed and joked soooo much that it really made my day! Haven't had so much fun in ages!!! We took loads of pics, some formal, mostly crappy and comical. Hahaha. Can't wait for the pics to be sent to me so that I can upload them. Steffy, u know what to do ya? Hahaha.

Coffee Bean again with the girls after dinner. Felix joined us after his shopping. Talked about ghosts and stuff and all got scared. Haha. We're crappy but fun! I love my girlfriends!!!!!!!! They are the craziest but most fun-loving bunch of people! Felt like the old days when we were still studying! Miss those days but I love it everytime we meet! And dearest Jean bought Godiva chocs for all of us for dessert! She's soooo sweet as always! I really do love my bunch of girlfriends! *hugz*

Tomorrow's month end (or should I say today?) and it's 1am now. I'm soooo gonna die later coz Mahesh is not around and it's the 1st time I'm doing a new thing without him. Oh-oh!! I better go sleep soon since my dvd has ended. Just finished episode 16 of 40. Long way more to go but after watching this show, I feel like working at an airport!! I should stop working in a bank and work at an airport instead. Idea? Hehehe. Nitez all!!!

magz [12:22 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, March 27, 2008

Stressed?
Unhappy at work today. Not sure if it's coz of stress, tiredness or what.. Something happened that made me unhappy as well. All added up and I cried while Edmund gor was explaining the new way of processing Futures to me. Maybe the unhappiness and tiredness made me unable to concentrate on what he was explaining. I felt more stressed and at that point in time, I really felt stupid. Felt that I couldn't do anything and that I was dumb. The minute the tears rolled down my cheeks, Edmund gor had a shock. Sighz.. I didn't expect that to happen either. And I don't wish for it to happen ever again.

Emailed a few people to look out for vacancies for me. Even edited my resume right in front of Edmund gor. I know it's irrational and not a good thing to do but, at that moment, I simply couldn't care less. Now that it's all over, I know I shouldn't have done that. Will learn to keep my emotions and temperament in control.

It's been a very bad day for me. Really bad. Glad that the day is over. Thankful for JZ. He didn't do much. But talking to him over the phone always makes me laugh. He even left me a voicemail, actually 2 days in a row he has left me voicemails. 10 seconds of message made me laugh non-stop. Dunno what to do without him. I'd have gone mad I think.

I think I will sleep early tonite. Else, I'll go crazy again tomorrow. Nitez to the world!

magz [9:09 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, March 26, 2008

Durian Puff?
Another post in the toilet. Shall not describe further. Hehe.

Busy day today. Spent 2 hours searching for only USD 0.20. Wrote so many accounting entries that I felt I was back in school. Haha. Then, system was down. Took an hour for it to be up. Had to re-write the formula on the spreadsheet. Headed out for lunch 1st.

Lunch at round market. Started to drizzle while walking there halfway. Ate Sarawak Kolo Mee. So-so only but a lot of ingredients for only $3. Money worth. Then bought dessert (cheng tng) back to office to eat.

Had to re-write the formula for my spreadsheet. Took me another hour. Was never good with such stuff but it's a good learning experience. Frustrating thing was the posting of entries part. Didn't know that we can't pass entries between 2 different entities using the same batch and had to keep re-doing the formula on the spreadsheet and trying all ways and means to post the entries. By the time we figured everything out, it was 5pm!

Rushed some other urgent stuff then left office at 7.30pm when JZ came to pick me up. Had dinner at Kovan. Ate claypot pork with liver, vegetables with mushroom and rice. He ordered carrot cake (chai tau kway) as well. Had gingko nuts with red dates drink and cheng tng drink as well. Hehe. We managed to finish everything! :p I'm a pig!

Crossed the road to the durian specialist shop where he bought durian puffs for himself and chocolate puffs and mango puffs for myself. I was actually tempted to try a durian puff but he had tummyache and wanted to rush home. :) Never thought I would ever wanna try durians or even durian related food. Hmmz...

I shall go bathe and watch my DVD. Watching episode 4 out of 40 only. Hahaha. Long way to go. Let's see how fast I can finish this serial. Got another serial (20 episodes) waiting for me.. JZ just passed to me. I'm a TV addict!

magz [10:15 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, March 25, 2008

Belgium Liege Waffle!!
Not enough sleep. Not feeling pretty. Hehe.

Lunch with Felix, Rachel & Celine at Old Airport Road today. Had a very delicious bowl of prawn noodles, a Belgium waffle with chocolate dip and 3 scoops of very very drool worthy ice cream!! 1st time I spent close to $15 at a market having lunch. But the desserts were simply superb!! Will definitely go back for more someday. Hehehe. Drool drool drool!!! :D~~~~~

Work was.. Somewhat busy. Err.. Can't remember what I did the whole day. Dunno how is passed also. Haha. Memory loss. :p

Just reached home. Watching the last episode of my disc. Gonna start on new series soon. I'm hungry though! Need food!!! Food food!! But need to do laundry as well. Hehe. K.. Shall go do my stuff and eat! I'm a pig pig!

magz [9:06 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Monday, March 24, 2008

Tom Yam Cup Noodles!
Jus home. Slurping on my Tom Yam cup noodles now. That's all I can think of. Love my room! Need new utensils. Can't think straight and type proper sentences. Busy day at work coz Gopi on medical leave after a holiday. Coincidence or what?

Can only think of my noodles, bed, watching my disc n chatting with dear Matt. Haven't chatted with him in a long long while. Shall go chat chat. Tata!

magz [11:05 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, March 23, 2008

Dinner by him..
Jus had my dinner of char kway teow and I'm lying on my bed already! Hehehe. I'm a pig!! He surprised me by volunteering to buy dinner for me coz normally, he won't especially since I'm just resting at home. But he called after his football today to say he's going for dinner with Ben and will buy for me. So sweet!

Dinner came at 10pm but the timing doesn't really matter. What matters is, it eventually arrived. Just like how we have managed to get over the argument last week and be as sweet as ever. That's what matters to me now. He really did make me feel very very happy and loved the last 3 days coz he cared for me once again just as before. :)

magz [10:24 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Piggy Me!
Friday (21 March 2008)
Prayed to Dad early in the morning with aunts, uncle, sis, cousins and nephew. After which, headed to Tanglin Country Club for American breakfast buffet. Was so filling that I didn't have lunch after that. Haha. Came home and had a short rest.

Bathed and was about to leave my house to meet JZ when it started pouring so heavily. Sighz.. Hence, instead of meeting him at Tampines, I headed straight to his place as he was done with shopping for his niece's bday. He reached shortly after I arrived. :) So happy to see him again after a whole week!!

Had dinner with his whole family at Hougang as it was his niece's bday. Told him that I'm not allowed to celebrate bday yet but he said it was jus dinner so it's ok. His family didn't mind as well. So nice of them! And they really treated me as part of their family. Like the feeling! His 2nd bro even kept asking us to get married soon. Faint.. A bit too soon!!

All of us went for dessert at Ice Monster opposite Burlington Square. Shared with JZ of coz then went for a walk at Bugis Street with him while the rest continued chatting. :p Drove back to his place but we went out for supper at Ang Mo Kio once we reached his place coz he was hungry. Hehe. Headed back to his place then and I slept real soon. Had nightmares throughout.. Sighz..

Saturday (22 March 2008)
Woke up same time as him and bathed. Followed him to his customer's place to pick up some stuff and delivered to his vendor's place. Headed for lunch opposite his vendor's place. Had Hainanese beef noodles. Tasted real good!!! Bought prawn noodles for his sis and went back to his place.

Hungry when I reached back his place (I'm also a pig in disguise). Ate half a tub of ice cream then napped for 3 hours til 6.30pm. Woke up due to tummyache. Haha. Continued watching my DVD while he continued sleeping. Then we went to Parkway Parade for dinner. Initially wanted to eat tom yam steamboat but ended up eating Kao Kee Dumplings and Ramen. Hehe. Quite a satisfying meal.

Rushed to Tampines Mall to watch "Semi-Pro". Crappy show but funny. Definitely much better than Balls of Fury. Haha. Headed back to hs place and watched my DVD again. Slept at 1.45am but tossed and turned yet couldn't sleep. Only fell asleep when JZ came to bed at... I think it was 4 or 5am. Had nightmares again and this time, I dreamt that I was dead. My goodness! :(((

Sunday (23 March 2008)
Woke up many times due to the horrible nightmares. Sooo sad. Sighz... Bathed and we had lunch opposite his place. He waited with me for the bus and he went for football after I left. But I'm hungry already!! Gonna search for snacks soon but gonna help him book tickets for his sis n bro-in-law to watch Sam Hui concert next week.

I'm a happy girl once again. :)

magz [4:10 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, March 20, 2008

Happy Bday Meng!
Home. No appointment initially but thanks to Bee and Rachel for accompanying me (the lonely one) to dinner. Haha. Ate at Lavender Food Court. Had prawn mee (my fave!), vegetables and cockles. Hehe. From wanting to take a cab back, I ended up taking bus and changing bus home. Haha. Save money!

Work was hectic today. So many deals but so cool! Love to be busy! Makes the time pass faster. Haha.

Nothing to blog about again. My life is boring these days. Oh ya, continued packing my room last nite. So proud of myself!! My table is soooo clean that I love it! So is my floor!! Haha. All the rubbish are gone!!! YAY!!! Left with the stuff on my dressing table that needs to be cleared now. Hehe. Soon soon!

K.. Gotta end.. But before that, I must wish a very important person a very HAPPY BDAY!!!! He
suits this bday lyrics "Happy Birthday to you, you are born in the zoo, with the elephants and tigers and a monkey like you." Coz he's MENG!!!! My very very very fantastic bro!! HAPPY BDAY MENG!!!! *hugz*

magz [10:49 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, March 19, 2008

Treats
Thought of blogging a post of substance, but no inspiration at all. Sighz.. Must find a topic soon. :p

Bored at work. Surfed net from 2pm til 6pm. So much so that I no longer know what to surf. Haha. Duhz..

Met Kwang di for dinner at Toa Payoh Central. Ate at Ichiban Sushi and I treated him. His business is having problems. Like Edmund gor says, I'm a small little rich girl now. Haha. Nonsense!

But I've also been buying small treats for Mel to cheer her up. Hehe. As long as she eats, it's good enough for me. :p Stay happy girl!

magz [9:11 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, March 18, 2008

Happy Bday Felix!
Sitting at my toilet bowl naked typing this post. Hahaha. I must be crazy to write this out! :p Lalalala.

Anyway, mood still not fantastic but better I guess. Whatever.

DF last nite after work. Mel joined us for the 1st time. Yutaki waved at me the moment he stepped on the stage!!! Made my nite! Lalalala. Video-ed him dancing and singing 2 songs! COOL! Got high. Super high. Haha. All of us were coz we had to finish Bee's bottle of Chivas coz today was the expiry date and we didn't wanna waste her money. 3 hours and the whole bottle was emptied! We're good manz! Lalalala.

Slept at 3.30am and I survived the day in office. I'm good! But was tired coz not many deals! So boring.. The boredom made me soooo sleepy. I hate to be bored. ARGH! Workaholic needs to do work!!

Felix came to office and treated us to cakes coz it's his bday today. Hmmz.. Weird! His bday yet he treated us to cake. Hahaha. Had dinner with Bee and him at the crab place opposite my house. Again he treated. Hmmz.. Very very weird. Hahaha. Tummyache the minute I reached home that's why I'm typing this now in the toilet. Hehehe.

I really think I'm nuts.. So many lalalala.. Hmmz.. Oh shucks.. Better not stay here for too long. Need to bathe, wash laundry and hang them before I sleep. Laundry again! Lalalala. Cuckoo me..

magz [10:04 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, March 16, 2008

Zoo
Not in the mood. Bad mood actually.

Company event to the zoo was ok. Went on well and I'm thankful for the good weather (no rain unlike the last few days).

Other than that, nothing else I wanna say.

magz [1:55 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Friday, March 14, 2008

Insecure again..
My moment of insecurity has hit.. Again!! Suddenly feel insecure and unsure about everything. At a loss... Started last nite.. I hate this feeling.. Hate this side of myself. Luckily this side of me doesn't appear too often.

But now that it has, what should I do? Dunno.. Ignore me.. I'm being crazy..

magz [8:16 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, March 13, 2008

Digestion Problem...
Just back from dinner with Rachel, Bee and Felix. Been some time since we last had dinner together. :) Ate at Hong Lim Complex market. While waiting for Bee to finish work, Rachel and I headed to Liang Court Kinokuniya as Rachel wanted to buy a magazine from there.

Raining so heavily the whole of today. Gloomy weather. Stayed in office for lunch. Think due to yesterday, something is wrong with my digestive system. Can't seem to digest food properly and I'm still so bloated now. Feeling very disgusted. Keep burping and it's the kind where I know I'll wanna puke. Eeewww...

JZ's busy today. Hasn't really called or sms-ed me. Sighz.. Can't blame him or say anything coz I know it's not his fault. :(

Ben and Adrian (JZ's friends) came to pass me some stuff today and drove me to Chinatown for my dinner. So nice of them!! And as always, they had to wait for me to knock off. Hehe. They are really nice and easy-going people. So easy to talk to! We always chat about JZ, Adrian's gf, their jobs, etc. :p Glad to have known the 2 of them!

Oh ya, as to my previous blog where I wrote that being sick when bf is not around sucks.. I think I need to take that back. Friends are cool too!! Bee volunteered to buy me dinner and Carissa mummy and Irene msg-ed to see how I was. :) Peg (my sis) was jealous that I have such good friends coz she doesn't. Haha. And of coz, everybody in office asked how I was feeling today. Sweet eh? Hehe.

magz [10:50 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, March 12, 2008

Sharp Pain
Being sick when ur bf is not around sucks. Sighz...

Woke up with this on and off sharp pain in my gastric/stomach area at 6am. Thought was just gastric pain and ignored it. Showered and headed to work, sms-ing Rachel to bring gastric pills for me. Never expected that the gastric medicine won't work. Plus the fact that I was starting to have diarrhoea. Sighz...

Continued working til 11am where the pain was becoming more and more frequent and sharper and sharper. Couldn't take it anymore and went downstairs to look for the doctor. Really don't like the docs downstairs. Not very useful. Haha. But no choice.

Went back to work at 11.4oam and asked the girls to buy lunch back for me. Christine mama bought for me as the rest went to round market for lunch. Had porridge and chatted with Christine mama during lunch. Nice to sit 1 to 1 for lunch and to chat to catch up though we lunch everyday.

Continued working after lunch til 3pm. Took a cab home. By then, it was pouring so heavily and the medicine was making me so drowsy. Luckily the cab stopped for me (coz I was hiding under office building). Home, changed and slept.

Just woke up. No dinner. Missing my bf. Wish he was here to take care of me. Sighz.. He did msg me a few times before I reached home to make sure I'm ok. He's having a busy day at reservist today. Stomach just churned and growled. Hehe.

magz [7:59 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, March 11, 2008

New Electric Dispensing Pot!
Thought of being nice to Gopi and helping him with the new deals in the morning. But he pissed me off in the afternoon and hence, refused to help anymore. Hahaha. Evil me!

Nothing much to talk about my day today except being pissed. Haha. Waited half an hour for the bus to come home! My goodness!

Me's a bored and hungry girl now. Waiting for water to boil. Using my new electric dispensing pot! Gotta wait for the 1st pot of water to boil, then pour away and re-boil another pot before it can be used. Wonder how long it will take. Hmmz..

Shall go bathe whilst waiting. Watching my DVD as well. Got new DVDs!! JZ just told me that his bro-in-law managed to find and buy for me. Cool! I've got 4 shows to watch and some are more than 20 episodes. Will have to spend a lot of time watching my shows!

Shan't waste any more time. Tata!

magz [9:30 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Monday, March 10, 2008

IR?
Irene's back at work today! So nice to have her back. 1 more person to chat with in office. Haha. Boring day at work. Not sure how I managed to spend my whole time in office. Haha. Somehow managed to get through the whole day. :p

Had dinner with Adrian and Ben, without JZ. I miss my boy! Sighz.. But had a good time at dinner. Adrian and Ben are kinda like JZ. Made me laugh quite a bit. Hehe. Ate at East Coast Park. Had oyster omelette and satay beehoon (with hum of coz) and ice kachang. Shiokz!!! Then they sent me home and JZ called Adrian - video call. So nice to see my dear again!!!

Had good news while I was in office. JZ can book out on Fri nite and next week, he will officially be back from reservist on Thurs instead of Sat. Yay!!! Can get to spend Good Friday with him!! So so happy!!! :))))) The moment he told me the news, I felt really happy and excited! ^o^

Ok.. Enough about my happiness. Hehe. Change of topic. Glad that I didn't hear the advertisement on quitting gambling on radio anymore. Government can be so ironic. There they are, building an IR with casino. Then the next minute, they are advertising people to quit gambling. Com'on manz.. But anyway, none of my business. Just don't like to hear it on radio that's all. Hehe.

magz [9:39 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, March 09, 2008

Crepe Suzette
Gathering at Stef's place. 1 word - fun! Laughed a lot and at the real live drama that went on. Haha. A huge heated argument between Von and the security guard. Was so funny! Can't help laughing though when it happened, all of us were pretty scared and worried. Hahaha. But it did make me smile and laugh a lot. Glad to meet up with the gals and to catch up again. Been more than a year since we all met up. The ironic thing is that we decided to meet up at my dad's wake. :X Stef cooked lunch for us! She made green chicken curry, salad and tofu. Plus the most delicious dessert - Crepe Suzette!!! Forgot to take pics of the wonderful lunch but here are the pics of the dessert. Such a fabulous time and lunch that we had!!! Thanx babes - Jean, Von & Stef!!! U gals rock!





JZ sent me there and picked up when I told him I was done. He wanted to eat the fish head steamboat at Whampoa Market so I walked over from Stef's place. The phone conversation that we had made my unwillingness to walk there disappear totally. :) He sure knows how to cheer me up and make me laugh. With him, there's never a dull moment and he always puts this big smile on my face, making me feel like I'm the luckiest girl on earth despite the fact that I have just lost my dad. That's how great he is with me. :p


Was so full from Stef's delicious lunch that I couldn't eat dinner. But luckily for me, the fish head steamboat's business is soooo good that we had to wait an hour for our dinner. By then, lunch was slightly digested so I could put in more food. The soup base is not bad but kinda salty to me. Well, as long as he likes it, I'm cool with it. :D


Headed back to his place for another bowl of bird's nest. Drool!!! My favourite!! Hehehe. So nice!! Then went to Ann's place to collect the stuff that she helped me to buy for praying to my dad. And home sweet home!


Think I forgot to mention something that will make everybody shocked and stunned. Or rather, people who know me well. I've always hated durians and durian related food products. I actually ate some of the durian cake that I bought for him coz he made me eat it. And I ate it willingly. Yes, I think I'm nuts! For him, I eat chilli, durian cake.. I bought flat soled shoes to wear. I am amazed by myself! :)

At the pasar malam last nite, he bought me a pair of piggy bedroom slippers coz I liked it sooo much!! They were too cute for me to resist. :p Played darts at the games stall and we won a crayon boy (la bi xiao xing) soft toy - the character that I like!!

My jacket has his perfume smell.. Will need all these to keep me company for the next 2 weeks that he's in reservist. I miss him already... :(

magz [10:59 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

So sweet...
Saturday (08 March 2008)
JZ came back and we went to Siglap for lunch with his friend, Darren. Kinda happy that I'm slowly meeting up with his friends. :) Ate the dried mee pok that he likes a lot. Then walked to Haagen Dazs nearby for ice cream! Love ice cream!! Nice!!!

Darren went back and we went to Parkway Parade to buy shaver for him to bring for reservist. Walked around there and looked at stuff til almost 7pm! Hahaha. Spent 3 hours plus there. Came back for him to shower and we went to the pasar malam (night market) at his place at 9.30pm. Walked the whole place, bought lotsa food from there and came back to his place to eat at 10.45pm. :p

Sometimes, the things he say can really make my day.. He actually said I was his woman. Haha. So sweet! And his sis made bird's nest in the morning. Never thought that I would get a share coz in the past, when others make bird's nest, it was only for family members. Me, being a girlfriend only (although I was girlfriend for years), would still be excluded in such luxury. But what can I say? Not even my own family makes bird's nest for me. I had become accustomed to the fact that I won't get to eat homecooked bird's nest again. So, I never expected his sis to ask me to eat the bird's nest. So touched!! Glad to be accepted by his family.

But I must say that 1 pesron actually boiled it for me before.. Felix... The one person who boiled herbal tea for me. And once, he made me bird's nest. Touched.. Really am. Never expected such kindness from a friend. He's really a very very wonderful friend to have. Thanks Felix!

He packed his reservist stuff til 5am. Woke up a few times and he still wasn't done. Sighz.. Poor boy..

Sunday (09 March 2008)
He woke up early to go for football. Not back yet.. Slipped my mind that there is a gathering at Stef's place for lunch today. Waiting for him to come back and send me there. Asked him along but he's tired and wanna rest. Said that he only wanna spend time with me alone today. Sweet... I think I'm becoming diabetic soon.. ^v^

magz [11:54 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Saturday, March 08, 2008

My Character..
Friday (07 March 2008)
Woke up to go to work. Not sure how I managed to achieve such a feat when I was sooo tired. Reached office and spent 2 hours clearing my mails. Totally forgot that there was eye screening and I didn't bring my specs. Still went for the screening and I passed it. Amazing!

Went thro the whole day in a sort of daze. Kinda like everything, including myself, was going in clockwork. I just worked and worked.. Mind was a total blank. Had farewell lunch with Winston xiao di.. Think I'll miss having him around coz he's such a joker. But we'll definitely still meet up!

Mel's having some relationship issues. Sighz.. Wish I can help but there's nothing much I can do coz I don't really know her bf. Just hope that she can be strong and get over this. She told me that if she were in my shoes, after going thro so much, she might not be able to live thro it.. My only stance is that after losing my mummy when I was 8, I was forced to grow up.. To be independent and be strong. That's what made me who I am today.

If I am tom-boyish, too headstrong, it is coz of the circumstances and the surroundings that made me this way. I had to grow up overnight, I had to survive and live on. No matter what haapens in our lives, the world will not stop moving coz of it. The people who live on will have to move on.. We can't mope forever.. We can only hold them in our hearts, remembering them as they are and keep the memories close.

Ky asked me why I'm always so happy. The way I see it, what's the point in being unhappy all the time? I think my mummy and daddy up there will want to see me living my life happily than sadly. :) Don't worry, no matter how down I am, I will bring myself up again.

JZ picked me up from office at 7.45pm. While waiting for him, I went to Century Square to buy durian puffs and durian cake for him. My little treats for him. :p He was happy. Like seeing him happy. Headed to Airport for dinner with him and his friend, Adrian. Had Popeye's. Then headed to Bedok Interchange to buy some stuff and went to Hougang to meet Siew Yee. Bought PS3 from her and finally, I've given him the V Day gift! ^.^ Happy!

Saturday (08 March 2008)
Woke up at 12.30pm. Had a very good and sound night's sleep. Didn't even know that JZ woke up to play tennis. That was how well I slept. Haha. Waiting for him to come back to pick me up and go for lunch. K.. Shall go bathe and get prepared else I'll be late. :D

magz [1:39 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, March 06, 2008

New Tenants?

magz [10:37 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, March 05, 2008

Future?
Just came home from dinner with sis, bro-in-law (MZ) and JZ. Had a 2 hr plus nap til JZ came over to pick us up. Headed to Changi Village for sis to try the chicken chop hor fun. We had chilli crab, fried oyster omelette and dumpling soup as well. Loads of sugar cane juice too, though I ordered teh cino for myself instead. Hehe.

Was a good dinner and a happy one too. We joked, we laughed, we had fun and teased one another. Relaxed atmosphere. We know life has to go on as per normal. We need to lead our lives again, just as before.. Before everything happened.

Time really passes by so quickly. From the time I received the call that Dad was in hospital when I was in Sydney to rushing back to Singapore, visiting Dad almost daily at the hospital to the time when he was transferred to AMK Hospital for physio til now.. All this was almost 3 months ago. Looking back, it really seems like a dream. It's like a time warp. I have been doing things on a clockwork kind of basis that sometimes, I'm not sure what I am doing or what I have even done.

Some friends whom I've not seen in ages came for the wake. Not exactly the kind of place to meet up but I'm glad to see them again. Now when I go downstairs, I see the hours and minutes that I have spent there over the last few days. Everything has been cleared and the void deck is as per before. Yet I see the yellow canvas, the area where I slept, the tables and chairs, the wreaths, etc etc. Everything is still so clear and vivid in my mind. I still hear buddhist chants in my head the whole day and I have to on music to diffuse it. Noise seems to become buddhist chants.

Time.. All I need is time. Last year at this time, I was in Shanghai. This year.. I was at a funeral.. My own father's funeral. Sometimes I wish I can turn back time, but there's no looking back. I can only look forward to the future.. I hope there is 1..

magz [10:59 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Cremation..
Reality has to set in somehow. Daddy was cremated this morning. Cried my heart out. I really did. Tears just flowed continuously, without control. Nothing hurts more than having a loved one leave.. I made him promises that I have yet to fulfil. That makes everything hurt even more. The feeling of false hopes.. I hope Daddy understands that I do want to fulfil them, just that I no longer have the chance to.

Once again, I saw true friends who went out of the way to help me in every single way. Of coz, the most important person I must thank 1st (besides my family) will have to be JZ. He was with me on the day Daddy left me. From morning til night and til the next morning. He ran errands for me willingly with no complaints. He laughed at jokes and jibes about him without grumbling or even letting me know. I found out from my own cousin. He showed me his care, concern and love throughout this very emotional period of mine. He was my pillar of strength throughout. No matter how ugly I looked, how much I cried, he was there to console me. He gave in to all my whims and requests even when he slept for only 4 hours a day and was so tired. He made me laugh, entertained my family and made me feel safe. Most touching moment was when he prayed to gramp without me saying a word. He did it by himself. Thank you dear.. For being here for me the last 5 days. :)

Next person I wanna thank is Felix. He has been there for me as well, running all sorts of errands and being my family's and my "chauffeur" the last few days. Without him, many things would not have been accomplished. He stayed up with me til 7am and had to reach office by 12 noon. That's not a lot of time left for him to sleep and I appreciate it! He reached in the morning while I was sleeping and he simply sat there with no complaints nor did he try to wake me up. He was there by my side, silently and quietly, as a very very good friend. Thanx Felix!

And big thanks to all the people who checked on me almost daily without fail - Bee, Terrence, Jean, Kuan, Meng, Yong Quan, Anne, Irene. Appreciate Bee's thoughts of wanting to take leave today to attend the cremation though she was unable to come. It's a nice gesture that is warm to the heart. To Terrence coz I've only known him for 3 months and yet, he truly cared. To Jean who came 2 nights in a row. To Kuan for the words of encouragement. To Meng who called me twice from Dubai to check on me. To Yong Quan, Anne & Irene for the care and concern. ;p

Also thanks to the people who attended the wake, who did not attend the wake but yet gave the money.. Esp those whom I don't even really know from office. So many so many people.. But of coz, there will always be those who disappoint me time and again. Nothing's new and I've learned not to dwell on such stuff. Let go and I'll be happier. So these "friends" will probably not hear much from me anymore.

Slept only half an hour this morning. Super tired. Came home, changed my bedsheets, washed my fan and toilet. Showered and I'm all ready to conk out now. Maybe dinner with JZ later. Will see. Nitez to the world..

magz [3:30 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, March 04, 2008

Funeral..
Been 2 days since I blogged. No time to blog. Funeral's still going. Will end tomorrow morning. I've been sleeping 3 hours a day for the last 2-3 days. I am ok. I cry, I laugh, I eat, I'm normal. It's just the feeling of emptiness. True friends make me touched. Partial breakdown, yes. Not total. I can only channel my energy to gram now. If 1 day she leaves me too, I'll have a total breakdown.

Was telling Chris Yaw about it yesterday. I may be a jinx.. 1st, mummy left.. then gramp, then daddy, and gram's senile.. aunt has cancer.. People I stayed with hae either left me or are not well. Why? Life.. Cruel jokes on me again? I wonder...

Nothing I can do to change life but to live on... Happily I hope. Don't ask me my plans. No plans. Life goes on as per normal, before all this happened. There's nothing I can do or change. The only thing I know now is to be strong. But how strong can a person be? I have my moments of weakness as well.

So many people saw me crying recently. All said it was not me. Kuan reiterated what I told him before in the same situation. I know.. I won't dwell in my sorrows. Let me cry all that I need to til tomorrow morning. From then on, I hope I will not cry coz of this anymore. Daddy knew I loved him when he was alive, he will know that I still love him when he's gone. That will not change, no matter how much I have scolded him in the past.

I truly appreciate all my friends and my family for standing by me throughout this very very trying period. Thank u all!

magz [5:42 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Saturday, March 01, 2008

Daddy's gone.. Bye Daddy... :(
Daddy's gone.. To a far far away place.. Where now, only angels will look after him. Maybe Mummy and Gramp can look after him too, but I will not be able to do so anymore.

Hospital called me this morning at 11.30am to say Dad was in a critical condition and they had no idea why coz he was doing so well. And by the time all of us reached hospital, he had left us. My tears have been rolling down since then and I've been unable to stop them from rolling down my cheeks. I no longer have control over them. They have their own life.

So many things running through my mind.. How much I have worried about medical bills, about his recovery and where he would stay then.. What am I going to do after work from now on? I no longer have a routine. I'm lost.. Bewildered..

Then I start thinking about how I used to visit Dad in hospital. All the things that I had promised him in order to make him recover faster. Told him I will bring him to Bangkok when he's well, give him a supplementary credit card, taught him how to kiss me goodbye every time before I left hospital. How he bullied me to massage for him, told me he was scared, how I would pacify him. Everything just keeps swimming in my mind.

Woke up with a headache. Headache is still there. Cried too much. Lost.. I'm an orphan at 26. Sighz.. Shall go sleep. Need to wake up at 7am to collect his body from mortuary. Lots to do and arrange.

Nitez Daddy...

magz [9:37 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*