Tuesday, July 31, 2007
Platonic Friendships
Couldn't concentrate at work today. Too many things on my mind.. Turned down a bowling session after work and chose to go home by bus on my own instead of by car. Needed time on my own to think. Come to think of it, I haven't taken a bus home since I cam back from Shanghai 2 months ago. Either I will go out after work and take the train or Felix will send me home.
Made a big discovery this morning that made me distracted throughout the whole day and maybe lose my mind. There may have been warning signs but never really hit me til I asked someone else for the answer. Worse of all, I never knew it happened since so long ago and I only sensed it recently. What have I been doing? Maybe like what Cheryl said, I've been too caught up in the situation that I never noticed the telltale signs that were very obvious to everyone else. It has never dawned on me.. Or is it coz I've never felt that it would be possible? The truth is hard to accept but ain't that always the case? Why is this causing me to be in a dilemma when I know that it's impossible? Guess it's coz it will affect friendship... Sigh...
Why is it so hard to have platonic friendships? Why must it always end up being associated with "love"? Someone said that when most guys talk to a girl initially, it's mostly coz they are interested with the girl. But for me, it's different. I'm close to guys and I talk to them coz I feel that we can communicate.. In terms of sports and the activities that I like with the exception of shopping and watching HK dramas. But guys tend to have different perceptions and think otherwise.
Must I really change myself and my behaviour to be less chummy with people, especially guys? I don't wish to change coz that won't be me anymore. I just wanna be me.. The way I am.. A girl who is friends with guys for a simple reason. To just be friends and nothing more. And I hope that my guy friends will treat me the same way. Purely as friends and not with any hidden agenda or thinking of any sort. That's all I ask for in girl-guy friendships.. Platonic friendships..
magz [9:34 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, July 29, 2007
My Room!
Had dinner on Friday with Ting, Chris, Bee, Lynn n Felix at Lau Pa Sat. Was kinda nice to gather again but I know Ting is having a tough time at work. I won't be surprised coz the environment is really very different and the work is also very different. Sighz.. Dunno how to help her coz she's so far away now. Guess I can only hope and pray that she will get used to it soon.
Checked out Muse Bar in Singapore with Bee, Lynn and Felix after that. So different from the Muse Bar in Shanghai. Bumped into Jimbo gor when I reached but he was leaving to go Velvet. :p It was drizzling whenwe reached so our moods were dampened as well. I headed to Dragonfly after that while the rest went home.
Saw Utaki performing from the front view for the 1st time n he's soooo cute! Omigod! Haha. He sang a Japanese song as well. Melted.. :p~~ Drool... Haha. William Scorpion performed a new song as well. His emotions.. Fantastic! Made the whole performance so excellent! N he was only wearing his undies and 2 wings for the song. Hahaha. For a man his age, his body is still very very fit! Amazing! I bumped into Aaron there! Haha. So coincidental to meet him at Club Instinct the other day and now at Dragonfly! :p Keep bumping into people when clubbing. Hehe. My colleague (AVP), Jimmy, was there too! :)
Watched movie on Saturday, "The Condemned". It's a damn good show. If you watch wrestling, the main lead of the show is Stone Cold Steve Austin. I absolutely love that cool dude! He's so cool and his favourite line in wrestling is "Coz Stone Cold said so" and I love that line. :p Haha. Go watch it if you have time. It's a really nice show, at least that's what I think!
Was at Ikea today. Spent $160 buying several stuff to decorate and pack my room. Love my room now! It smells nice and looks so much neater! My favourite is the rug at the side of my bed now and the bowl cum rose petals on my dressing table. The rose petals smell so nice that I think I'm getting addicted. Think I'll head to Ikea again next week for more storage boxes, wardrobe accessories and toilet stuff to do up the rest of my room. Am loving my room so much that I think I can spend 24/7 in it! Haha. Yay!!! Happy!!!
magz [11:46 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, July 22, 2007
Stars of St James
Utaki and I
Sylvester and I
William Scorpion and I
magz [10:42 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, July 21, 2007
Utaki
The trip to Raffles Hospital yesterday was one of a shocker. Haha. Why do I say that? I went to the Women's and Children Dept. The minute I stepped in, I could feel all the eyes staring at me. The whole place was filled with pregnant women who were there with their hubbies or parents who went there with their very young children. I was there on my own.. They must be thinking I have gotten myself pregnant or some mess like that. Sighz. No, I'm not freaking pregnant! How can I be when I don't do sex? Haha.
Anyway, I wait for half an hour to see the doc who gave me a 5 minutes consultation, prescribed 2 packs of medicine and told me to go back in 3.5 weeks time. That 5 minutes plus 2 packs of medicine cost me $180!! My goodness.. I nearly fainted when I heard the amount. And I had to wait 40 minutes for them to make me pay. Sighz... Thank God I can claim company money.. But, I don't think I've got so much to claim after this time round and I still need to go back for checkup. Faint..
Went to Centennial after that for a short while. Met the dealers whom I'm currently liaising with. Fonz is really quite good looking and he has a nice voice too! Haha. The dealers were quite friendly and 1 of them even managed to hit 250k quota of deals. Well done! Everybody was so happy! It was such a different kind of atmosphere.. But it was so nice and fun. Hehe. If there ever is a chance, that's where I wanna try out for, but not as dealer.. Maybe as assistant first or something. :p
The most unbelievable thing is, I went to St James 3 times in 4 weeks! Haha. Was there again last nite and this time round, I took pics with the singers - Sylvester (Singapore Idol), William Scorpion (the star of Dragonfly) & most importantly, Utaki (my fave)! Utaki is soooo cute!!! Hehe. He really looks handsome! So happy to have taken pics with them! It was such an amazing experience! :)
Went to Sentosa after that. 3rd time I walked barefoot all around the places I went to coz my heels were hurting my feet. Painful but cool to do that! :D I know.. I'm nuts! Haha.
Forgot to say in my previous post.. I'll be extending my salsa classes for 7 more lessons! I can't wait! I've even learnt the guy's steps now. I think, I really love dancing! It's just sooo in my blood and my nature. More salsa!!! Yay!!!!
magz [12:55 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, July 19, 2007
Recurring Problem
Just finished eating my instant noodles on my bed. Was too tired to want to go out for dinner. All I wanted to do was come home and rest.. At least stay on my bed. Hehe. So lazy...
Having this rash on my face (That's not the recurring problem in my title for this post). It's 2 huge patches and I can't stand it. Sighz.. Make me look so ugly that I don't feel like facing the world. Just feel like hiding my face.. Sad right? :( Went to see the doctor today and she gave me a bottle of liquid to wash my face with and medicine to stop the itch and cream as well. She said it'll take at least 2-3 weeks to recover! I'm so dead!!! How am I supposed to go out with my face like that? My god.. Sadder... ARGH!
Anyway, told the doctor about a problem that recurred. Was cured of it when I was 15 or 18.. I can't remember.. But it's coming back again. Sucks! Asked the doctor to prescribe the same medicine and cream for me but she said it's pointless to prescribe the same thing if the problem has recurred. Found it to be true so when she suggested an operation, I agreed. So, I'm heading to Raffles Hospital tomorrow to meet with the gynaecologist and see what she has to say. If I need an operation, it should only be a minor one but it'll definitely be the first in my 25 years of life. Haha. I'm actually quite fearful.. But trying to remain optimistic coz I know that if I can recover fully after the surgery, then of coz I'll go for it. :)
So tomorrow, I'll know the outcome.. Keeping my fingers crossed...
Been praised at work by Edmund gor the last few days. Hehe. So proud of myself. He said that I'm getting very good and faster with the work and that I haven't made mistakes. Of coz there are still things that I dunno and I still have to ask. But I'm glad that I'm coping well with the work now and that I no longer make much mistakes. I'm even beginning to like options now! Can you believe that? Haha. I used to hate premium deposits coz I used to find them so tough to handle but now, it's like nothing to me. Hehe. Enjoying my work more each day and the challenges I'm faced with though at times it can get too much for me to take. But I appreciate the work and most importantly, I know I have fantastic colleagues like Mahesh and Edmund gor who will patiently guide me along and teach me ever so patiently, giving me the background of how a deal works, what it is all about and how to tackle them. Can't ask for more ya? Hehe.
K.. Think I'm going to bed soon.. Been feeling so drained these days from the hardwork I put in at work. Back to being the workaholic me again. Honestly, I actually like this feeling! Haha. Coz I know that the amount of hardwork I put in will gain me more exposure and experience. Which is why I work hard.. So that I can learn more. :p
magz [10:12 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, July 15, 2007
Klutz
I'm such a klutz! Went grocery shopping today and spent $140 but forgot to bring my membership card to get points! Didn't even bring my IC. Sighz.. There goes 280 points and that's the most I've managed to attain so far!! ARGH!!!
Went for dinner with Cheryl, Bee, Ting and Felix on Friday night. It's been sometime since we had a proper gathering for dinner. Went to Liang Seah Street for porridge steamboat. It wasn't too bad I must say. 1st time that I eat porridge steamboat. Hehe. After that, we had dessert at another shop and the desserts are Hong Kong style which is the kind I like. Drool! :p
Close friends are leaving the company or changing to other locations one by one. Sighz.. Kinda sad. Less and less friends are at Tampines and this saddens me. After the regionalisation to Shanghai and my coming back from there, so many close friends have either resigned or transferred out. Tampines is becoming a boring place to be at and I start wondering why did I decide to stay on here and not transfer somewhere else too. Sighz.. It's gonna be another 2 years before I can opt for transfer now and this sucks. Dunno how I'm gonna be able to survive here for 2 years with lesser and lesser friends. Saddening...
I'm a sad little girl now...
magz [7:06 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, July 11, 2007
Salsa!!
Just reached home from my 2nd salsa class. I had sooo much fun today! I really enjoy dancing so much! After the class, we asked the instructor if he could demonstrate a whole salsa dance for us to see and I was his partner. Of coz I'm really sure of what to do. The instructor told me to just do my basic steps and the simple turn which I followed. He swirled and spun me around so much that it was funny coz I didn't know what to do. Haha. But it was really the kind of dance that I like and he even ended the dance with a dip. Got a shock but it was exciting! It's really very cool! Made me so happy. Hehe. I think I wanna sign up for more salsa classes and learn all the moves. At least I know I'll be occupied and have stuff to do. :p Just lack a partner though but I guess it doesn't matter. Actually Chris and I have got the most chemistry in class, but..
Anyway, think I'm falling sick.. AGAIN!!! So many times this year. Sighz... This sucks! But dancing has made me forget that I wasn't feeling well. Haha. A few of us even went for dinner together at the nearby coffeeshop and we had curry fish head that was delicious! As usual, I ate the fish head! Cool! Loved it and enjoyed it sooo much!
Everything put me in such a good mood today, especially now. I'm really grateful to my mummy in office and Edmund gor for always knocking sense into me whenever I need their advice. I"m sure with the 2 of them around, I'll know what to do. :) Yay!! Happy happy!!! Let's salsa!
magz [10:54 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Tuesday, July 10, 2007
Definition of Love
Sometime back, somebody told me that the word love is being used too easily. Couples often use the words "I love you" on each other but what is the definition of love? I know there is no right or wrong answer to the question but when someone says "I love you", what is he/she feeling and thinking?
I've been pondering about that topic.. Love. What is love? When I say "I love you", what goes through my head? Falling in love with a person is easy but maintaining the love, that's the difficult part. Of coz when we say "I love you", we mean it at the moment but what happens when the feelings start to fade? The love just dies.. Shouldn't love be something that lasts forever?
This topic is so good for debates but I don't want to debate over this topic. Someone once told me many years ago that I don't know what love is. Maybe til this day, I still dunno what it is. I don't think I'll have the courage to say "I love you" to a person for now coz I'm still trying to figure out what love is. I used to think that when I can see the future with my partner, that is true love and will last forever. Guess that's not true anymore. Must re-define the meaning of love again.
All that I know is that if the guy I love is happier without me, I will not force him to be with me. As long as the guy is happy, I'll be happy for him. If I truly love a person, I will not hate the person even if we don't work out together or if we didn't even get to begin in the first place. True love doesn't come easily.. To those who are in love, stay happy and treasure the moment.
As for me, I still need to find the meaning of true love..
magz [11:12 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, July 04, 2007
Pay Adjustment
Finally went to Cafe Del Mar today with my friend, O, who came back from the States for holiday. He's going back to the States soon and I wonder when we will meet again. That guy earns a million dollars a year! No joke manz! Wonder if I'll ever get to that level. Haha. Really must work hard now. :p
Anyway, just received my letter from my boss that I've gotten a pay adjustment and I've got an increment! Haha. It's pretty ok considering the fact that I've just gotten promoted and a very good increment in February. I'm pretty happy about it. Just need 1 more increment or maybe 2 to be able to apply for platinum credit cards. Hehe. Guess how much I'm earning now based on that. I'm not gonna reveal that in my blog. :)
Gave my blog add to both EK and Chris today. Never expected myself to do that but blogging is just a way of sorting out my thoughts and allowing friends to catch up on my life. My real serious thoughts are in my diary so my blog does not contain all the deep thoughts that I truly feel. At times, it does but my deep inner secrets are not. Hehe.
K.. Better go concentrate on my show and get to sleep asap. I'm sooooo tired from work today coz I was soooo busy throughout. And I'm feeling really hungry now actually coz I didn't have dinner. Need food~~~~
magz [12:24 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, July 02, 2007
Goal 2!
Just came back from another movie with EK. We went to watch Goal 2 and it's a show that features soccer and most importantly, my favourite soccer team - Real Madrid! Hehe. The show totally rocks and I'm so in love with it! :p Almost the whole team was featured! COOL!!
Am so in love with the show that I rushed down to HMV to buy the 1st part - Goal! Hehe. Can't wait to start watching it but I know I can't do it tonite or I won't need to sleep at all. But now, my whole mind is swirling with Real Madrid and my love for Spain is growing tremendously!
Next year, I will definitely try to visit my beloved Spain and I hope the trip is as good as I've always wanted it to be. Must save lots of money now so that I can enjoy the trip more. Hehe. :p
Ok.. I need to bathe and watch my Hong Kong drama. :) Walked home from Toa Payoh Central just now and it's so totally hot! Need my cold shower~!
magz [11:01 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, July 01, 2007
St James Power Station
Went to St James Dragonfly on Fri nite after work. I LOVE that place! Really! It was the kind of clubbing scene that I enjoy. :p Got to know 2 guys that day. 1 was a friend's friend (EK) that we happened to bump into and it was so coincidental that he was also from our company. :) The other guy.. Well, I've yet to really talk to him so.. Haha.
Anyway, just came home from a day out with EK. He sure can talk a lot but I guess it's part of the knowing each other process. He has a lot of hand gestures when he talks. Haha. We have quite a lot in common actually but for now, we'll only be friends. I don't mind having more friends coz I won't be so bored on weekends then.
My mindset now is to have more friends, but not relationships. Scared of relationships at the moment. Need to take a break from it. I'm happy the way I am now.. Finally at peace with myself, my heart and my soul. No longer drowning in my own sorrows and tears, no longer moping around and looking like a zombie. Finally getting my life back. This is the way I was, this is the way I want to be for now. Happy-go-lucky once again and enjoying every minute of my life. :)
magz [8:35 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
