Thursday, January 31, 2008

Pissed.. With my own sis..
Woke Felix up early in the morning to help me print the rental agreement. So sorry! He will be joining us for lunch tomorrow to pass me the printout as well. Have to trouble him. Sighz.. Feels bad.

Had a very heated argument with my sis in office over the phone today. Wasn't good. She hung up on me coz I told her off. What I regret is even bothering to call her! I don't give a damn whether she visits Dad or not, but the things she said simply made me blow my top.

She told me that she needs a break. What break? She didn't visit Dad for 2 weeks, then she visits him for 1 day coz Aunt Mic scolded her. Said she will visit him tomorrow. Even Dad doubts her words. I asked her what break she needed when she barely visits Dad and she claimed that it was coz she was sick. Then she kept emphasizing that she will be visiting Dad tomorrow anyway.

Told her that I was talking about today. She told me, "Nobody asked u to go everyday what." WTF! It's coz u don't go everyday or even go for weeks and Dad's lonely that's why I have to rush to the hospital even when I end work late at times. I knocked off at 8+pm today and by the time I reached the hospital, it was 9.15pm.

What she said simply made me wanna scream at her and just slap her. Was soooo bloody angry and pissed with her. Called Ky, MZ (her hubby) and Ann to complain. Really really couldn't take it anymore. She's so bloody irresponsible and what they said is true.. She's like that so no matter what we say, she will still be like that. It's so darn irritating. ARGH!!!!

But what JZ sms-ed me made me realise 1 thing that's true. He said, "Don't get affected by someone whom u think is not worthy." Immediately, my anger dissipated. Yes, she is not worthy of my anger, just like Gopi. I will try not to get angry with such unworthy people. Why should I make myself upset over these sort of people? I can always lead my life happily. Thanks to JZ for the wonderful input!

Dropped by Ann's place to get dinner on my way home from the hospital. She waited for me downstairs and passed the food to me. Bak kut teh (pork rib) soup with rice and a boiled egg. Nothing spectacular but beats eating junk food (I had potato chips for dinner last nite). Having a sore throat since noon anyway. Bought liang teh (herbal tea) but still not feeling any better. Must control my anger and my fire. Might get better faster. Haha. I'm crappy.

Tummyache. Shall go bathe as well. :) Nitez all!

magz [10:38 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Encouragement
Quite a boring day at work.. Nothing much to do coz nearing month end. Month end always has lesser deals but we've got to prepare and do a lot of work on the last day and 1st few days of the month.

Had a talk with Joyce, my ex-boss today. Chatted for about half an hour. Was a good chat. Talked about work, relationships both personal and work wise, my dad, etc. I love talking to her coz she's been like a mother to me throughout all this time. She was the one who gave me the opportunities and she's been encouraging me on what I should do. I'm really grateful to her.

Carissa mummy has also been supporting and encouraging me throughout the last few years. Without them, I wouldn't have stayed on for so long. She has been there for me when I was down and out. She's seeing a happy me now and she's happy for me but yet, keeping my feet on the ground with her words of wisdom. She has been a pillar of strength for me and I appreciate it lots! Thanx mummy!

Felix, no pressie this year. Dunno what to buy from BKK. We were there together the last time! The stuff are still the same! Haha. Don't even know what to get for myself manz! :p

Visited Dad today. He's so much better! Can move his left leg about and can even mumble words through the tube. Well done!! So proud of him! Glad that he's doing well. Can even nag at me! Haha. Err.. I don't like the nagging part actually. Muahaha. But I'm really really happy that he's better. Yay!

Haven't talked to Khim, Adrian, Xiu Xiu, Kuan and some others for some time now.. People are avoiding me! Why? Sobz... :_(

K.. Time to bathe and stone for a while before sleeping. Cleaner just left and it's 11pm already! Shucks.. Thought of doing my laundry and changing my bed sheet.. Damn! Guess that will have to wait til tomorrow or next week again. Boring!

magz [10:34 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, January 29, 2008

Bangkok 2008
Before anyone starts criticising or have any comments about why I am in another relationship again, there are some things I need to make clear.

I did not get myself pissed drunk the 2nd half of last year for no reason. I did not go drinking coz I was happy nor do I enjoy the feeling of hangover or vomitting like mad. I did not go on trips coz I was rich. I did not do a lot of the things I did coz I was a contented with life or happy about how things are going. My life was a mess... I was a mess.

Ask Felix how much I cried, how much I drank, how much I vomitted. He saw the worst side of me when I didn't want anyone to see me that way. He saw me at my most vulnerable yet I had to be strong in every single way. It took a lot of courage and time, and of coz a lot of events, before I was ready to move on. It hasn't exactly been a smooth road for me for the last 6 months but I'm glad that when I decided to move on, things went my way.

K.. I'm back in Singapore from my very fantastic trip to Bangkok. Where should I start? Let's go day by day if I can remember. Left office at 6pm to meet JZ and proceed to the airport. Checked in and shopped at duty free for perfume. Took us so long to decide and it was time to board. Haha. 1st time taking Swiss Air. Not too bad! Watched Heartbreak Kid on the plane. :p

Reached Bangkok and took a cab to Sukhumvit where we were staying.. Dream Hotel (Dream - just like my blog). Amazingly, I can still remember this area and even most of the places in Bangkok at the back of my mind. Knew how to get around really easily. Put our bags down and went to the convenience store to grab drinks and snacks. Showered and slept as it was almost 1 or 2am.

Saturday (26 Jan 2008) - Woke up at 10.30am for breakfast at the rooftop beside the swimming pool. Cool! But breakfast variety was little. Hmmz.. Anyway, went to JJ Market (Chatuchak) via BTS (aka MRT). I'm good with the BTS, thanks to Lao Da and Ali for bringing me around via BTS the very 1st time I was at BKK. Hehe. Walked around non-stop til 6pm and I was soooo dead tired. Took the tuk tuk to MBK for steamboat at MK International. Ate a lot!!! Walked around a bit til the shops were all closing and we headed back. Took BTS to Nana and walked from there to our hotel. Shopped at the stalls along the way.

Sunday (27 Jan 2008) - I woke up at 11.30am. He went out to get my brunch coz he knew I won't wake up so early. So sweet of him to let me sleep in. While he was out, I showered and read the papers for a while and he came back. Bought me wanton noodles from a stall at Chit Lom. :p Ate and went to Chinatown via cab coz no BTS station at Chinatown. Bought food stuff to bring back (by order of my wonderful colleagues) and walked around the area. Hot and humid. Couldn't take it at 6+pm and we went to Chit Lom area.

Shopping centre called Central and we shopped there. He loves buying Adidas there. Bought so much stuff at Adidas! I did 2 hennas at a stall outside Central and bought 2 tops. Hehe. Saw a very nice jacket at Adidas store in Central but coz henna wasn't dry so couldn't try it on. This mall is even bigger than Vivo City! We were lost so many times!! Bought Gelate ice cream!! Went to Scala Chinese Restaurant for sharks fin at Hotel Intercontinental basement. Had birds nest too!! :) My fave!! Headed to Suan Lum Night Market and managed to walk only 1 section as it was almost midnight by time we finished the section.

Monday (28 Jan 2008) - Time flies.. Wish it will pass slower.. Sighz.. He went upstairs for breakfast without me as he was hungry and I don't like the breakfast anyway. Bathed and was almost ready by time he came back. Headed to MBK for the day. Shopping at aircon area feels good. Hehe. Grabbed some food and walked around. Had my period just before stepping out of my hotel room made the day sucky. Was feeling so lethargic and dead. Even shopping couldn't perk me up. Took a panadol as well. Thank God I don't have really severe cramps or very bad PMS symptoms. Just lethargy.

He knew I wasn't feeling good so he suggested that I go for manicure and pedicure so that I can sit down and rest. Good suggestion! Did both manicure and pedicure for only 550 baht. Cheap!!! And I love what I chose!! Hehe. He went to tailor make pants and shirts while I was doing my nails. Felt more human after the rest and went shopping at Siam. A small building with all the kind of clothes that I like. I always shop there actually. Haha.

Both of us were feeling hungry by then but wanted to go to Central again to get more of his Adidas stuff and the Adidas jacket that I really like. That jacket actually cost close to S$200!! He paid for it without saying a word. But, he's paid for everything without saying a word actually. Had steamboat dinner at Coca at Times Square opposite our hotel. Ate a lot again!! Had birds nest for dessert. Shiokz!!

Monday (29 Jan 2008) - He woke me up at 11.30am before heading to pray. Supposed to check out but I don't care. Asked for extension. Haha. He prayed and came back about 1pm. Finished all the packing and headed for airport at 1.30pm. Had a bad experience at boarding gate that caused the 2 of us to be pissed but not with each other. Glad that episode is over. Can't stand the Thai immigration folks. So disorganised. Anyway, I had a super fun trip!!

He gave in to all my whims and requests. Everything that I wanted, he simply paid for. I've never ever shopped like that before. He treated me so well the whole time we were there. No arguments or quarrels.. Maybe I nagged a little but it was for his own good. Happy that all's well between us. :) And he finally took pics with me!!! At long last. Will upload it when I'm more free.

To my ever dearest Matt, don't be jealous.. I still love u with all my heart! Hehehe. Need to tell u something.. From the bottom of my heart. I haven't known u for long, not even a year yet and I really wish I got to know u earlier. U have been supportive to each and every of my decision with no questions asked. U have been encouraging and though u r miles away, u have been here for me throughout. I can't ask for more coz u have been soooo wonderful and fantastic. U have been a true friend and u have been wishing me happiness. And I love u, as my dearest dearest bro. Thank u soo much!! For everything!! Ur kindness and ur friendship have and will stay with me forever. :) I can't wait for u to be back!!! And yes, u do look younger than ur age. Hehehe.

magz [9:42 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, January 24, 2008

Bonus
Had my letter regarding how much bonus I would get. Was quite surprised by the amount, especially when my ranking was only 3, instead of the normal 2 that I get. Was only expecting a $1000 to $2000 bonus, but this was more than that. Good in a way. My tv conked out on me last nite and I am now, tv-less. Sighz... Increment will only be known 2 weeks later.

Been in a pretty good mood today. Not coz of the bonus but more coz I am looking forward to my Bangkok trip tomorrow. It's a good feeling. Thanks to Carissa mummy, Felix and Meng for cheering me up and being so concerned about me! I am touched!!

JZ met with an accident just now. Gave me such a scare when the sms was so short.. Thank God he's ok and it was just a minor one where his car was the one being knocked into. At least he's safe and sound, that's all that matters to me.

Had a discussion with my boss today regarding the staff event for 1st quarter. Decided on certain stuff and had to check on some other details. Was told to do a powerpoint presentation for my big boss by tomorrow for discussion. Stayed back in office to do it since I'll be leaving office early tomorrow and will not be back til Tues. He wanted me to be present at the discussion as well but due to me not being in office, he said he will go ahead first and update me again. :p Ok with me either way.

JZ was finally able to call me while I was doing my presentation slides. Ended up, he talked to Rach more than me. Haha. He enjoys talking to this xiao mei mei a lot. He kept teasing and bullying her. Such a small kid. But I'm glad he gets along with her or rather, most of my friends. It's a warm and fuzzy feeling when my guy can get along with my friends without any restraint or constraint. :p

Was talking to Rach and she said that it's important that the guy loves u for who u r and not expect u to change ur character. I agree totally. I feel at ease and comfortable with him. I am myself - the girl who can be boyish at times, who can be auntie, who can be gentle, who can be crazy. I don't feel restrained and having to remind myself to be ladylike. I can be vulgar when I'm not in a good mood, can be angry and yet know that he will make me laugh by just being himself. I like the fact that I can be toot, silly and forgetful. But most importantly, I can be ME, the me that I've known for the past 25 years. And to me, that's top priority. :)

He picked us up from office and we went to Hougang for dinner. Wanted to eat the Punggol Nasi Lemak but the stall was not opened. Sighz.. Everytime we go somewhere to try the food, it's always closed! ARGH! Haha. But we ordered fried hokkien mee (fried prawn noodles), fried oyster omelette and frog porridge. Rach and him just kept saying shiok and eating. So funny to see them together.

I'm gonna go bathe and finish packing my stuff for tomorrow's trip. Can't wait to go on my 1st trip of the year.. And of coz, the 1st trip with him. :) Will update when I'm back in Singapore. Meanwhile, take care folks! And don't miss me too much ya!

But I think I'll miss blogging everyday!! Hehehehe.

magz [11:33 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, January 23, 2008

Buddy... Where?
Crying now. Arguing with buddy. 8 years.. 8 years of friendship..

If my blood continues to boil everyday at work, I'll be joining my dad in the hospital beside him real soon. Have you ever seen a msg like this when u ask someone for help? "I need u to do expiry report and all new deals (if any) in afternoon coz I need to do brokerage. Ok."

1st reaction was.. FUCK U! Sorry about the vulgarity again. Lemme re-type the same msg and note the words I have bold. "I need u to do expiry report and all new deals (if any) in afternoon coz I need to do brokerage. Ok." WTF!!! What does he mean by I NEED to do??? I don't NEED to help him and I am definitely NOT obliged to do so. Can't he be more polite when asking someone for help???

I kept it in me til I realised I won't be able to get over it. Told Ed gor about it and how he rebutted Mel very rudely. I can't stand his lousy attitude anymore. Left at 6.30pm and as I was crossing to Century Square, Ed gor called me to say that they were giving out the letter for bonus. Told him I can't be bothered to walk back. They had the whole afternoon to do it but only did it so late. Not like they are giving me a lot of money anyway. Don't waste my time. But had good news from Ed gor. He's been promoted!!! YAY!!! So happy for him!!!! :))))

Reached hospital at 7.10pm. Earliest thus far. Haha. Ann's mum quarrelled with the nurses.. Regarding the fan. Sighz.. Nurses told me to talk to her as the nurses were quite affected. Nothing I can do actually. Just hope everything dies down..

Not in the best of moods now. It's been 8 years. Doesn't he know me well enough? I have never asked for a bday present.. He even forgot my birth date! Sigh.. To think that he has been my buddy for 8 years. All I wanted from him as a buddy was care and concern. A simple sms to wish me happy bday would be good enough for me. Is it that difficult? He said everytime he was down and out, he would turn to me. He said he wanted to stand up by himself this time. I asked him when I have ever not supported him? He said never. But when I asked him if he has ever supported me before, he said he didn't. He knows that too.. So, besides disappointment, what else am I supposed to feel? I really dunno and I really didn't wish to have this argument.. :_(

Thanx Meng, for encouraging me and the words of wisdom. :) Meet up with u when u're back in Singapore ya? Most importantly, NO sexy dress. Hahaha.

magz [9:15 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Geylang Soya Beancurd Shop Has Moved...
Just came back. Tired. This post will be in short sentences coz I wanna make it quick and sleep by 1am. Now is 12.37am...

Work this morning was hectic. Many problems. The reversal entries I posted given to me by the futures team in Australia were wrong. Ended up with duplicate entries in both compen and suspense (Sorry for being too technical). Had to re-post the entries. Felt bad enough and there were so many entries to pass for the daily work today. Gopi had to ask me to do volume stats. Felt like slapping him there and then coz I wanted to do it yesterday but coz I had to cover him, I had no time to update and he had the nerve to rush me for it. IDIOT!

Lunch. Complained about the morning to the girls and Winston. Couldn't contain the anger. As if I wasn't angry enough, my platform heels had to come apart during lunch. Went to cobbler to try to glue back but he told me that I won't be able to wear it immediately after glueing. Decided to buy a new pair of heels instead. Found a pair at Century Square for $24..

Back to work after lunch. Busy busy busy again. Realised that there is something wrong with my proofing file and I will need to re-do for the whole month of Jan. Damn! Then, manager (Lyn) questioned Ed gor where the reversal entries were posted wrongly. Ed gor asked me how he should defend us. I told him there's no need to defend. We didn't check the entries and assumed that what they told us were correct. If anyone should bear the responsibility, then put the blame on me coz I SEE NO POINT IN WORKING IN THIS DEPT ANY LONGER. It's too bureaucratic and too authority based. It's ridiculous. Always wanting to point fingers and find faults instead of finding solutions. Too many hypocrites and boot polishers (people who suck up to the boss) too. I'm disgusted.

Was so pissed then already and Gopi wanted me to cover him again, but he didn't even tell me to help him today! He mumbled to Mel that he wanted me to do expiry report and I overheard. I told Mel I was ok to do it but he changed his mind coz he wanted me to do the new deals instead. WHAT???? U're the bloody idiot who dunno your work and yet, u chose the easier stuff to do???? FUCKED UP!! But I still did it in the end. Ed gor saw me doing all the deals and made Gopi do the remaining 3 deals coz it wasn't fair to me.

Thankfully for a phone call that made my dark day seem bright. He is just like the light at the end of the tunnel, the sunshine after the stormy rain. He makes me smile and laugh when I was at the lowest point of the day when I was ready to throw in the towel and call it quits. My unhappiness disappeared right at that moment. Made me feel warm and fuzzy.. And ready to fight the war again. He is my pillar of strength when I am at my weakest.

Worked til 8.15pm and JZ picked me up. Wanted to eat the chicken Ipoh hor fun at Chinatown but it was closed.. AGAIN!! To think that I had been craving for it the whole day. Sighz.. Just wasn't mt day today. Walked around. Went to the shop he used to own there. He knows so many people there!

Ate at The Scarlet Hotel. Restaurant called Breeze. 1st time there for both of us. Food there is not fantastic except for the beef appetizer. Yummy! The place is more for drinking. :p Walked around again after dinner but didn't walk for long. While leaving Chinatown, he decided that he wanted to have the soyabean milk from Geylang. Drove for half an hour before we found the place. The place has moved!!! So hard to find now. It's at the other end of Geylang!! So I reached home at 12.15am... :p But my mood is so much better now! ^.^

Time now is 1.10am. Time for bed.. Nitez!

Footnote: I'm being made to write this... JZ ate a raw oyster and is feeling horny at home now. How insane! Hahaha. So crappy.

magz [12:31 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Monday, January 21, 2008

Hot Topic
Work today was alright at first.. I was busy with proofing and my GST stuff. Received a mail from Marina asking if I wanna join her to do Options confirmations. Told her to look out for settlements for me instead. Not interested in confirmations. All was good and peaceful with each of us busy with our own work. Thought I could finish GST today but.. Gopi had to come to me at 4pm asking me to cover him for the afternoon so that he could do brokerage. I was like.. WHAT?? U want me to cover you but u're only telling me at 4pm!! And he didn't even print the confirmations for the day when he could have done it the day before!!

I don't understand why he can't print confirmations the day before. Sydney sends to us 1 day in advance to prepare and yet, he likes doing it last minute. Ya ya, I know.. He has ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD! I don't!!! Was complaining to Evans when Ed gor saw the msg on my screen. He asked why I was helping Gopi to do and for how long. I said I dunno. He'll just come to me everyday if he needs me to do it for him. Ed gor said that it shouldn't be like this and that he will talk to Gopi tomorrow. I'm supppsed to learn how to do brokerage as well. Sighz.. It's like, I'm the one who knows how to do everything besides Mahesh - Futures, Options, Commodities, Monthend.. And the only thing that Gopi knows that I don't, I gotta learn.

I don't mind learning.. But I don't wanna learn it from him. He mumbles to himself ALL the time and I can't hear what he's saying. He doesn't even know his stuff and I have to learn from him!!! ARGH!!! I'd rather learn from Mahesh or Melissa anytime. Pissed!!!

Left office at 7.30pm with my work undone. Can't be bothered. Wanted to go hospital to visit my dad. Doc called me today to gimme an update on his condition.. FINALLY! Told me that it should be another month before Dad can be transferred to a rehabilitation hospital. Sighz.. Still gotta travel up and down everyday. Tiring!

Munching on my tim tams now while waiting for the water to boil so that I can cook instant noodles. That's what I'm surviving on for most nights now. Been chided by so many people but by the time I finish visiting Dad, I'm too lazy to buy food home. The food court is normally about to close by the time I leave the hospital.. Maybe I'll try 1 night.. To buy food home to eat.. Instead of unhealthy food...

Oh ya, heard from so many people today that I have become the hot topic after D&D on Sat. Several people actually asked around wanting to know who I am and checking with the people I have taken pics with. Hmmz... Suddenly I have become popular.. All coz I wore a sexy dress showing off my back..

magz [10:27 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

D&D 2008

magz [5:39 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, January 17, 2008

Insecure..
It's been a gloomy week.. Office is axing people. 5 from front end got axed today. Not sure if it's voluntary or unexpected. Honestly, I don't mind being 1 of the people being axed. Wanna change job anyway.

Another boring day at work today. Feel so lifeless. I'm a workaholic. Having no work to do at all the whole afternoon is a killer. Sighz.. Read thro some of the old mails that I've kept throughout the years in this company. Some were so funny that I still laugh when I read them. Some were sad.. Some were sweet. I realise I miss chatting with KK a lot! We used to email each other so frequently, esp after he changed to another company. Messaged him today. :p Time to catch up with him soon I think.

Visited Dad. He is in a ward of 5 people and the 3 beds opposite him, have seen so many patients come and go. But Dad and the old man next to Dad have been there throughout. Haha. Faint..

Today, I had a sudden worry and phobia.. Something which I haven't really experienced before or even felt before. I feel a change in myself, esp in terms of my character. An insecure feeling.. Doesn't feel good.. But was pacified later. I've never felt insecure before.. This is a brand new experience for me. Wonder why I'm suddenly lacking confidence, especially in myself. Something's not right with me.

Anyway, like Carissa mummy told me today.. Must have faith and confidence. Else, there's no point in dragging. She told me that when she was dating "Daddy" in her younger days, she actually told him that if 1 day she ceases to laugh with him, that means the feeling and spark is gone. Then it will be time for them to end the relationship.

Food for thought.. K.. I shall go bathe, make my instant noodles and watch my DVD. :p Shall not dwell on such silly thoughts..

magz [10:00 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

New DVD Player
Had a super lousy day at work today. It's not so much the work, but the people. How do I start describing? Hmmz.. Work today was boring. There was no deal at all. Not sure if it's due to the announcement of our losses last nite. All I did was my morning daily stuff and checked the confirmation of an old deal as Legal Dept had just amended the confirmation.

And that's when I got pissed. Gopi (I see no need in hiding his name anymore) claimed that the confirmation was ok and could be sent to customer. When Mel, Ed gor and I checked, we found several points that weren't clear and we had to discuss about them. In the end, we managed to reduce the doubts to 3 and we called the dealer to discuss with her. Throughout this whole time, Gopi didn't bother about what we were doing. Such fantastic attitude..

Then I happened to see a mail that Ed gor was typing and I realised that my current boss appointed Gopi to help out for D&D registration this Sat. Not sure if he is to help out or if he is in charge. Whatever. I just felt that favouritism is too obvious. The buying of breakfast for each other, phone calls to each other, lunching together, going home together. Super boot polisher. I simply can't stand it anymore. And the fact that the idiot went off before I did.. Think he left at 6.15pm when he didn't even bother looking at the amended confirmation. Super pissed off!

Which makes me feel that I should leave this dept ASAP! I can't take it. I can't stand such hypocrites everyday without feeling pissed. Told Carissa mummy that this morning, I was thinking of how to write my farewell email while bathing. It was just a brief thought but now, I think it's time to make it come true.

Visited Dad at hospital but didn't spend much time with him coz I had to buy mattress for the new tenants before the shop closed. Promised Dad that I'll spend more time with him tomorrow (should be later as it's past midnight) instead.

JZ picked me up from the hospital and I complained to him about Gopi on the way to Parkway Parade. What made my day was that he said I could scold him since I was pissed and angry. But he's not the one who made me angry so of coz I did not scold him. :) But it was a really sweet gesture.

Went to Aussino to buy bath towels and bed sheets for New Year. Then we went to Best to buy rechargeable batteries for his cordless phone. While he was choosing the batteries, I went to look around and saw kettles. Have always wanted to buy a small electric one to put in my room so that I don't have to go to the kitchen to get water. I really bought 1!! And I bought an extra one to replace the one in my kitchen as the old one looks kinda dirty. :p He bought me a DVD player as the one I have now has got some problems playing the discs that he passed to me. And it works perfectly! YAY!!! I can watch my shows again!!! So happy!! Thanx lots!!! :)))))

Then we went to Giant and bought a mattress for my new tenants. Quite fun to be choosing this and that together. :p But, I think it's just that I like spending time with JZ. When I go out with him, I'm always smiling.. Even when we are not talking at that moment. ^.^

Headed to Joo Chiat for bak kut teh. I ate a lot!!! Haha. Pig me. Think JZ is suffering from indigestion. He didn't eat much the whole day. So unlike him. When he drove past the road where he used to stay, I pointed out to him and he was shocked that I knew. Reminded him that he told me the road name 6 years ago. It's amazing how much I still remember from 6 years ago. :D

magz [12:02 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, January 15, 2008

Boon Tong Kee
Went to the round market for lunch today. Walked there and perspired a lot. But feels good coz it made me feel more alive. :) Considered quite a good exercise. Haha. Felix came by for a while.. To pass Rach VCDs. Soooo sweet~~~ Haha.

Met a sales guy from 1 of the resorts at Sentosa. Felix was the contact person in the past as the leader of the staff event committee and now, it has become my baby. Sighz... Kinda interesting though. Think I like doing such stuff more than the normal work I do. Haha.

Was talking to JZ last week about this topic actually. I've always wanted do event management but I know my family will never approve of it, especially the kind of hours that I'll have to work. Plus, it will make me age faster. But.. Sighz.. Guess it's not entirely up to me to decide anyway.

Visited Dad after work today. Reached around 8.15pm. My naughty Dad was counting the days that I didn't visit him. And he even used hand signal to tell me that there's 7 days in a week and I haven't visited him for 3 days. Faint!! Hahaha. He seems to be getting better though. Saw his left hand and leg moving a bit. Good sign! Happy!!

Left hospital at 9.15pm. Terence picked me up from the hospital. So happened that he called me while I was leaving office and he had to go Tanjong Pagar to prepare his car as bridal car for his friend's wedding tomorrow. Chatted for a while and while I was walking to the MRT, he asked if I wanted to have dinner with him after my trip to the hospital. Nothing on tonite for me so agreed to it. This is only my 2nd time meeting him actually. Knew him thro Khim's friend at DF in Nov/early Dec and exchanged namecards. Hence, a friendship began.

Had dinner at Boon Tong Kee at Balestier. Chatted throughout the journey there, during dinner and on the way home. Sort of a getting to know each other better session. I haven't really talked to him before so it was a good start. At least we know each other's backgrounds now. :) The hot topic of the nite was the fact that his car had the bridal deco and when we got out of the car, everybody stared at us. After dinner, when we got back into the car, there were people talking about the car as well. Haha. He demonstrated gentlemanly traits by taking food for me and by opening the car door for me. Oh... Love his car too!! New BMW!! Damn cool interior manz!!! Drool!!!!

K.. Time for me to bathe and hang up the laundry. Yes.. Laundry.. AGAIN!! It's never-ending.. Just like the clearance of the rubbish in my room. Haha.

magz [10:58 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Monday, January 14, 2008

Chinatown
Blogging seems to have become a daily ritual for me. Feels pretty uneasy to not write everyday, and when I don't write, I try to update all the days together in 1 post. :) Hopefully people reading my blog won't find me too long-winded.

Didn't visit Dad today again. Worked til 9.30pm and I left not coz I finished my work but coz JZ was waiting for me downstairs. Sweet of him to pick me up and have dinner with me. :p Else, I won't eat again. ^.^ Today's a really busy day where again, I had to help both my dept now and my former dept resolve their issues. Kinda tiring I must say. Too many problems. Plus the fact that I have a deadline to re-check the confirmations done for 16 structured deals by this Wednesday. It's insane. Been staring at the computer til my eyes are gonna drop out. Hopefully I can finish checking all the deals by tomorrow so that I don't have to work late and can visit Dad.

Went to Chinatown for dinner with JZ. Wanted to eat porridge and Ipoh hor fun but both places were closed. Headed to Maxwell Market to eat porridge instead. I enjoy the time spent together coz I am laughing or smiling most of the time. Even when he bullies me. :) It's a nice feeling that I wanna hold on to forever. And, to clarify, he is NOT a gangster. He's a nice guy who treats me well and makes me laugh. He cares about me and is against me clubbing too much. I see and feel the concern. He scolds me when I don't visit Dad. He keeps me in place and makes sure I prioritise what is important. He nags at me when I don't eat proper meals and scolds me for working late everytime. But yet, he picks me up from work when I have to do OT. I like the fact that he cares for me, that he calls me from time to time to make sure that I'm ok.. Coz it makes me feel loved.

Just read from Felix's blog that he went out with Rachel on Sunday. I feel guilty.. I know I have been neglecting my friends recently. I haven't been meeting Bee on Fridays. Honestly, I haven't been meeting anyone much, maybe except for JZ and Khim. I hope my friends can undestand what I'm going thro. It's not that I don't wanna meet, but it's really tiring to be rushing to the hospital daily. It's a long journey and having to pacify Dad for at least an hour each time before I am able to leave, is taking its toll on me. What's worse is that I can only meet my friends after I'm done at the hospital and that is quite late normally. I am always tired, be it weekdays or weekends. Wish there is more than 24 hours a day. I'm not sure how long I can last before I finally collapse. I'm really really really tired..

Had a very good chat with Min last nite on MSN. 1st time we chatted so much though I've known her for 4 years now. :) Wishing her all the best in her relationship with Cliff. May they stay happy forever and overcome all obstacles that lay in their path!

When I met Kwang di yesterday, I realised something.. Seems like a lot of people around me have changed somehow. Then I ask myself, "Have I changed as well? Is it for the better or for the worse?" I thought long and hard.. And I feel like I am still stepping on the same ground... Being the same old me all these years... Tell me if I have changed...

magz [11:48 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, January 13, 2008

Ramly Burger
11 Jan 2008 (Friday)
Left office on the dot today. Was teaching Sonny some new deals coz his 3 months with us in Trops is almost completed. Another MA leaving us soon. He's a nice guy, friendly and smart. He learns fast. :) He said that I learn fast and I teach fast too. Haha. Told him I'm not sure about the learning part coz that will have to depend on what my mentors think. :p Mahesh was nice enough to say I learn fast but sometimes, he's such a joker that I'm not sure I can trust him. Haha.

Rushed to hospital to visit Dad. He's as naughty as ever. His phlegm was slightly bloody.. Didn't get to talk to the doc but notified the nurse. :) Haven't been to see him over the weekend as there was really too many things to do. Sighz...

JZ came to the hospital to pick me up and we went to Ikea. Was kinda rush coz we only had 1 hour before the place close for the day. Mahesh was there with his wife too.. But didn't get a chance to bump into him. Haha. We had a quick bite there but had to rush even more as his sis was done at the hair salon and we had to pick her up to send her home. Managed to buy 2 of the stuff I wanted but was unable to get the laundry basket that I wanted as it was out of stock. Sighz...

Picked his sis up at Bedok and sent her home. After which, we headed to Bedok 85 market to get more food as he was still hungry! Glutton! Haha. Ordered the minced pork noodles and bought dumplings for dessert. I had my own 6 dumplings! But coz the noodles took 20mins, we went to the 7-11 nearby and I bought a Kit Kat ice-cream to eat. I'm a glutton too!!! Haha. The whole time, Matt from Instinct was chatting with me via sms. Haha.

12 January 2008 (Saturday)
Woke up to see a sms from Cheryl that she won't be able to attend salsa for the day. Immediately messaged Felix and Chris Yeo to inform them and asked if they wanted to postpone. In the end, we decided to postpone. Kinda good coz I was really tired.. Think I really need more sleep. Went back to sleep and finally woke up at 2pm. Haha. Feels good!

Bathed and rushed to Orchard to collect my D&D dress. Both JZ and I were sooo hungry that all we wanted was to find food before anything else. Wanted to have dim sum but all the restaurants were closed coz it was 4pm. Ended up eating chicken rice at Far East. We would have done anything just to make ourselves full. Haha.

Collected my dress and went to Tangs to buy the handbag. Bought a necklace for Ann as bday pressie as well. Bought 2 designs and she chose the other design that I wanted. Haha. It's ok though. I like both anyway. Then we went to the basement to buy ice cream! Horrible JZ bought durian ice cream. Ewww! The smell was sooo strong.. Yucks!

Took a bus to Aunt Mic's place for dinner. Ky and I hid in the room to play my Nintendo DS while the rest were talking outside. Don't like what they were talking about anyway. Always talking about the same issues til I'm sooo sick of it. I just wanna enjoy and be happy. Ky and I had a good laugh throughout the time we were playing coz we were just so crappy. Haha. Haven't laughed so much for a long time. :p

Met JZ after that. That fella.. Haha. He went to pump petrol but forgot his wallet. Had to leave his mobile phone at the cashier as collateral while he came to pick me up and we went back to pay. Think some of my toot-ness must have rubbed off on him.. Haha. We had a good laugh about this.

13 January 2008 (Sunday)
Fell asleep when Winnie was cleaning the house today. Was really tired and was having a slight headache also. Didn't manage to have a good sleep though.. All the sms-es and calls.. Sighz..

Met Kwang di at Toa Payoh Central. It's been 3 years since I last saw this 'lil bro of mine. He's not that young actually. Haha. 4 months younger than me only. Glad that he's finally making contact with me again. He's disappeared for long enough. :) Miss the good old days that we share. :p

Had a good time chatting while walking around for him to buy snacks back to camp for reservist. Bought my dinner at the pasar malam and I bought too much food!! Can't finish!!! Shucks! Such a waste! Told JZ to come over to share some of it with me but the lazy bum didn't wanna get out of the house. ARGH! I had to throw away some of the food. Sighz...

K.. Time for me to end and take my shower. :) Need to pack my room.. This is a never-ending task. And I didn't visit Dad over the weekend. ARGH!!! But better than my sis.. She visits once a week only and has lots of excuses everytime. Can't stand it.. So much so that I really hate talking to her now. This is bad..

magz [9:19 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, January 10, 2008

Thinking..
Had a very boring day at work today. Spent 2 hours in the afternoon updating the captions of my pics from my Sydney trip & Egypt trip. Haha. That's how bored I was...

Had lunch with Ow today. We had a long chat about work. When I had tea break with Raymond (CPB) today at the pantry, we touched on the same topic. Talking about rating for performance appraisal, bonus and increment, in no way can we be compared with other banks. This is ridiculous. Sighz....

I think it's time I leave this place and move on to another job. Will look for something...

I just realised that I suddenly had mental block. I just stared at my laptop and I dunno what to write. Total black out kinda feeling. Weird... Sighz..

Shall go eat something now (11pm), hang up my laundry n go to bed.. Nitez.

magz [10:37 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Mustafa Centre
Wanted to sleep at 12.30am actually but it is 12.30am now. Shucks!

Had a busy day at work today. Solving an issue of why we did not receive funds from counterparty's agent bank took us 4 hours! Sighz.. Went thro so many channels and resources before it was finally resolved. Tiring! Plus 2 new deals at the timing of 6.50pm is enough to make u wanna kill people. Esp when u are still checking the deal and the dealer has gone home! ARGH!

Visited Dad late. Luckily JZ picked me up from office and sent me there. He waited for me outside the ward playing with my new Nintendo DS Lite while I went to chat with Dad. At 1 point in time, Dad stroked my face and hair and wanted to cry. Had to tell him not to cry and that I won't desert him. Sighz.. The thing about me is that I can never watch or look at someone cry coz that will make me cry too. Good thing I can control myself. :)

The bad point was that, the old man diagonally across Dad's bed in the ward passed away and I saw the nurses wrapping him up. OMIGOD! I can't forget that image. Err.. Think I need to get pomelo leaves to bathe and wash my eyes. Pretty scary..

Went to eat abalone noodles for dinner with JZ at Race Course Road. It's quite a popular place apparently. 2nd time there... 1st time was with Khim a few weeks ago. :p Went to the most unexpected place after dinner - Mustafa Centre! I never expected myself to ever go there but it was an experience. :D Kinda fun. Hehe. We walked around for almost an hour. ^.^ Bought quite a lot of stuff too!

To Adrian: Didn't hear from you means I won't get to meet u this week and that u should be in Hong Kong. If you still read my blog, take care of urself k? I still read ur blog so remember to update. :) Lemme know when u r free to meet up. I habe yet to pass u ur bday pressie.

To Meng: I'm happy for u. Really. Glad about u and Doris. ;)

To Min: If u still read my blog, just wanna tell u to stay strong and be happy k? With Clifford by ur side, I'm sure u can go thro every obstacle in life. :p

To Tom: Heard from Bee that u might be flying to London for project. Do take care of urself and pls collect ur dessert wine and souvenir from me soon. It's 'rotting' at my place!

magz [12:30 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, January 08, 2008

Sacrifice?
Home again.. Was sooo tired at work today that I spaced out a lot, including during dinner with Khim. Sighz.. Not a good sign. I look horrible..

Nothing much to write actually. Had something on my mind on the way home but can't seem to remember what I was thinking about that I wanted to write down. Sighz.. Getting old.

Supposed to type this phrase in yesterday's post but forgot. Haha. This phrase is from Jacky Cheung's concert...

爱，不是牺牲，不是占有，不是成全。拥有爱的时候，记得让爱自由。失去爱的时候，就要让爱自由。

"Love is not about sacrificing, not about possessing, not about giving up. When you have found love, remember to let love be free. When you have lost love, you should let it be free."

The English translation (done by me) sounds weird but I like the Chinese phrase. Enjoy!

magz [10:41 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Monday, January 07, 2008

Jacky Cheung Concert!
Jus finished my shower.. Waiting for my laundry to be done so here I am, sitting on my bed, eating butter toast, chatting on msn and typing my blog while chatting on the phone as well. :-) Super multi-tasking. Donn said I can really write daily.. Yeah.. Think I'm too long winded. So much rubbish to write everyday. :p

04 Jan 2008 (Friday)
Had my performance appraisal done in office before I left for the day at 5pm. Wasn't satisfied with my rating and the comments I received. Yet to receive the letter regarding bonus and salary increment. For all the effort and work that I have put in, if I don't get what I want, I will definitely leave.

Headed to hospital to visit Dad after that. He was very naughty and chased me away after I refuse to let him use the mobile phone. Sighz.. Left at 7pm where I met Ken at Novena MRT to meet Bee for dinner at Vivo. Chatted a while before JZ called and our conversation was kinda interrupted. Call ended when I reached Vivo so we still had some time to chat while searching for a place to eat at. Nice to catch up after so long. Glad that hatred, misunderstanding, everything else is all over. It's nicer to have friends. Bee came shortly after and we had a great time eating, chatting, catching up and being sarcastic to one another. Just like old times.. Just that we were short of Felix and Lynn. Oh well...

Bee was supposed to go DF coz her former dept asked her along. They asked me too but only told me about it on Wed. Went along with her and I am happy to have gone. Yutaki waved at me so excitedly the minute he saw me and we chatted a bit before and after taking pics. :) Managed to get his email add!!! Drool~!~!

Bumped into Khim, Desmond and the rest. Maybe it was a good thing that Khim was there. We managed to talk things over that nite though it didn't end on good terms. But glad we managed to continue the next day and we're still good friends now. :) Guess I'm happy with the way things have turned out. Not sure if he is happy about it though but we all have to learn to give and take, to let go..

Left at 1+am coz Yutaki told me he was leaving as well. Hehe. Didn't miss out on anything. A few of them were high or drunk that nite. Thank God I can control myself. :p Was supposed to go for supper but wasn't hungry so went back and slept. Haha.

05 Jan 2008 (Saturday)
Had lunch at Lavender Food Square. Ate my favourite food - prawn noodles. That stall is pretty good! Went for salsa and Ricky told me that I am good enough to dance outside with other guys. Oh no! Not sure if I'm mentally prepared for that coz I tend to be nervous and will get confused and footwork will all be wrong. Oopsssss!

Headed to Novena with Felix, Cheryl and Chris Yeo after that. Cheryl was hungry and wanted to eat and made me hungry too! Had seafood hor fun. :p I'm such a glutton! They accompanied me to visit Dad and Cheryl accompanied me throughout while the guys waited outside. Then, it was time for shopping! Shopped for D&D dress for me, theme being Retro 70s. Found a really sexy dress that I normally wouldn't buy if there was no occasion but.. I bought it! Haha. Will wear it for D&D and honestly, I LOVE THAT DRESS!! Will take pics to post online soon! ;p A very satisfied buy. Bought shoes to go along with it as well and I'll be buying a handbag too. :D I'm such a spendthrift.. Need to save money soon. :(

Had dinner at TCC at 8+ with them and I was starving by then already. I'm really a pig! Watched vcd the whole nite after that. Tiring!

06 Jan 2008 (Sunday)
A day I have been waiting for the whole week. It's the very 1st time I'm watching a concert!!! Jacky Cheung is FANTASTIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! He was simply superb! It was a marvellous concert to watch and I'm glad that he's the 1st artiste I watched. :) Was still so high from the concert after I came back that I couldn't sleep. Haha. Yeah.. I'm nuts and I keep listening to his songs the whole of today!!! Feels soooooooo good! Thanks to Zoey for asking me along! :p

07 Jan 2008 (Monday)
Unwilling to put in my 100% at work anymore. Feel that it's pointless.

Had a good chat with JZ earlier on the phone. Talked about 6 years ago til today. Understood a lot of things that he was saying. It was a good way to know each other better though we've known each other for 6 years. :) Happy to have the talk.

K.. Can't concentrate on my blog anymore. Too busy talking to Von and Stef on MSN right now. We are sooo talkative together. Haha. :p But I like it! Feels like we're back in uni days.

magz [10:43 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, January 03, 2008

Trust
Jus came home from hospital. Dad refused to let me come home today. He's being very naughty these days. Keeps tugging and pulling at the tubes, etc. Sighz.. Kept scolding him and beating his hand. And I haven't had dinner. Starving now! Double sighz...

Anyway, was talking to Melissa in office today regarding the issue of trust between bf & gf. Sometimes, I wonder why people wanna get together only to be suspicious of their other half. Why is it that they like to check each other's text messages or listen in to the conversations? I don't understand. If you don't trust the person, then why be together in the 1st place? I, for one, hate having people check my mobile phone for any reason. It's privacy that people should learn to respect.

Was talking to JZ last nite and we touched on this issue as well. We both have the same thinking. If you wanna read my text messages, then be prepared for me to do it to you as well. But most people only allow it one way but not both ways. That applies to Melissa's bf. It's not healthy and will only cause problems and arguments in the long run. Bad bad.

Also, I don't understand the simple thinking of "get more money, being a leader". Sighz.. Maybe what I look for in a job is different from others.

Anyway, 3 days of 2008 have come and gone. It's a new beginning for me where I have to learn to be more independent than ever. To be happy and to let go of my past. I have been happy for the past 2 weeks actually. It's a phase that I hope will never ever end. If time can stop and let my happiness stay (preferably with my dad being ok), I'll gladly let time come to a standstill.

Thinking of exercising flexi Friday tomorrow coz I've never used it before. Thought of leaving at 5pm to visit Dad 1st, then meet Bee for dinner. Probably heading somewhere else after that provided we don't end dinner too late. Will see how things go.

K.. The hungry gal needs food right now. :p Time to eat my ice cream! Yay!

magz [10:26 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, January 02, 2008

Foo House
Just had dinner with Donn. While chatting, realised that we have known each other for about a year now and this is the 1st time that we went out together. Talked about a lot of things. Thanx for dinner, the Xmas card, Xmas gift and my bday gift! Appreciate it! Sorry I didn't get u anything. :( Will do so this year! :p

Love the song on my blog right now. It's called "Is this really love?" Suits what I'm feeling currently. Sent to me by JZ coz I requested for it. He sent me several other songs that I have been looking for too. :) Yay! Will slowly put on my blog. Donn intro a nice song to me too, a song that suits the title of my blog. And Donn, I've found the song already. Haha. :)

So busy at work today. Just sat there the whole morning and afternoon doing my work til I almost pulled my hair out. Sooooo busy but only 1 me. Sighz.. Glad that it's over. At least month end is almost over though tomorrow will still be busy, it will be better coz Gopi is back. Haha. Throw the work to him to do. :p Nah, I'm not that evil. Just that I still have month end stuff to complete.

Yaya, Lynn, Joey and Juffri bought me a pressie and had it courier-ed via internal mail to me. So sweet of them!! :)

K.. Having diarrhoea since afternoon. Gonna go toilet again. Bathe and pack my bag for tomorrow. Using my new bag tomorrow coz was chided for not using it today. :p Time to go.. Being suan by people on the phone again. ^.^

magz [10:46 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, January 01, 2008

Happy New Year 2008!
In a flash of the eye, 2007 has passed and today is the 1st day of 2008. How fast!

For the past 2-3 hours, I have been trying to curb an urge. A bad habit that I managed to kick away and pick up again, kicked away and picked up again. A bad habit that I try not to make it long term - Smoking. The urge is strong from the minute I reached hospital to visit my dad today. Dad wants to tell me stuff but somehow, his stupid daughter can't seem to understand him at all. I feel lousy. It makes me wanna smoke. Sighz.. This urge that I'm still trying to keep under control right at this moment. Not sure how long it takes before this urge dies down..

Had my bday yesterday. I cancelled the party at DF. Reason? Don't ask. I don't wish to talk about it. But the anger is still there. Hard to subside. After all, bday is just another day. No celebrations at all in the end. But I did go for a very good dinner to cheer myself up. Dinner at Thai's Village Sharks Fin Restaurant. Had a flying kiss from a pretty girl (kid) sitting at the next table when I left. Good enough to make me happier. :)

Former dept's colleagues bought me a cake. So sweet of them! The funniest part was the present that they gave me. Silly Rach's idea.. They gave me money, cold hard cash in ang pao! Faint.. And each of them gave me $100 each! Double faint! Haha. I know what everyone is thinking but don't worry. I'm not that broke yet! :) I appreciate the thoughts but money, no thanx! Will not accept money from anyone. My philosophy. And I'm stubborn. :p

Bee told me that her former dept (trade) is going DF this Fri. Nobody told me anything so.. Just take it that I dunno. I dunno anything nowadays anyway. Better to not know so much. Sighz.. DF just reminds me of spoilt bday plans. ARGH!

As always, there are people who forget. Doesn't matter..

This week's still gonna be a busy one. Meeting Donn for dinner tomorrow (postponed from last week), Thurs should be free, meeting Bee on Fri, Cheryl insisted on booking me for Sat after salsa or something, and Sun I'll be watching my 1st ever concert - Jacky Cheung!!! Haha. Kinda excited about that.

Touching moments - Sms from Matt (LA), Meng (Dubai), my tu di from Shanghai. A very very huge bday present that I wasn't expecting at all.. A way too expensive present.. Sighz.. Bday presents to repay this one is gonna cost a big bomb.. This present costs more than $800 if I'm not wrong.. I am truly.. Speechless..

magz [8:59 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*