Sunday, December 25, 2005
Merry Christmas!
Firstly, MERRY CHRISTMAS one and all! Hope everyone had a happy and enjoyable weekend cum Christmas. :)
Today is also my 2 years' anniversary with Tom as my boyfriend. Didn't have any special event planned. We had dinner at my aunt's place yesterday and dinner at his grandma's place earlier on tonight. Just came back from his grandma's place. I always feel awkward going there. I see his relatives once a year and I don't talk to them much. Feels weird.
Anyway, this Christmas has been pretty normal. Nothing much happening. I enjoyed myself at work on Friday (23/12) coz there was lunch and games for celebration. After that, Tom and I had dinner at his club and I went to Boat Quay for drinks with my colleagues at a place called Sahara. The place was playing Indian music most of the time but it was comfortable as the seats were sofa seats. Some of my colleagues smoked shisha. It's some kind of water pipe but honestly, I don't like it at all. Haha. Definitely not my kind of thing.
Went out with my department gals on Wednesday partially as a gathering and partially to celebrate Joy's bday. Had dinner and went to her place for cheese and wine. It was an enjoyable and fun nite. Sorta like gals unwinding and let loose to relax. Took some pics but have yet to upload them. I haven't even uploaded my Fullerton stay pictures! Sighz.. Getting lazy again.
Time for me to open my presents! Then I'm probably heading to dreamland.. Always sleepy.. Haha. Merry Christmas once again!
magz [10:49 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Tuesday, December 20, 2005
Smile..
Have been wanting to blog about this for a week now but somehow it always slips my mind while I blog.
Last Monday (12 Dec), I waited for Tom after work at MacDonald's as I ended at 7pm and he had to finish up his work. I was bored coz I wasn't expecting to wait for him for so long coz we were supposed to meet his parents and sister for dinner to celebrate his bday. I reached MacDonald's and chose an outside table to be nearer the queue for cabs, facing the inside of MacDonald's.
Eventually I became bored as I didn't bring my novel to work that day. Started playing one of the handphone games that I downloaded quite a long time ago. Was playing for about half an hour til I got sick of the game. Wanted to rest my eyes as well. Ended the game and simply sat there, looking at people and daydreaming.
When I looked up from my handphone, I caught a glance of a little gal smiling at me. Surprised, I looked at the little gal again and saw her looking at me intently. I think I must be looking really bored coz she flashed me a very bright and charming smile again. The effect was almost instantaneous. I smiled back at her and that smile simply brightened my wait there. I felt so much better after seeing the gal smile at me. The feeling was like seeing a bright and twinkling star in the middle of an endlessly dark sky. That was how it seemed to me at that moment.
Up til today, I still think of that 'lil gal and how her smile managed to make a gloomy and bored person feel special. No wonder there's the phrase,"Smile and the world smiles with you." It's amazing that a simple 'lil smile can make another person happy. Wouldn't the world be a better and nicer place to live in if everybody could just give someone else a smile? The joy of a simple smile.
How I wish smiles are contagious.. Things always seem better if you can talk to someone with a smile on your face. Even if you smile while you are talking on the phone, the other party can sense it. I've tried that before and it works. At least it makes your tone of voice sound chirpier and happier. It all starts with.. a SMILE. :)
magz [8:57 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, December 18, 2005
For Anne and Irvin
Most important thing in today's blog is to say a big CONGRATS to Anne and Irvin. I'm truly happy for the 2 of you. Irvin has finally proposed to one of my dearest gal friend, Anne. Blessings to the 2 of them. Can't wait for their wedding though Sonia and Stanley's wedding should come before that. So far, Justin's wedding is in October next year, followed by Sonia's wedding in November. Finally is Stephen's wedding in December. My goodness.. Next year I'm gonna be broke!!
Was really delighted to finally hear the good news. Could see the contentment on Anne's face when she was telling us of how Irvin proposed. It was so sweet. Seeing the 2 happy couples being so in love with each other and tying the knot makes me feel something but I dunno how to describe it. Everybody started asking when it will be my turn. 3 years down the road I guess.. I'm really not sure. I dunno if I'm prepared or ever will be prepared for it. I know myself too well. I'm too playful... I don't think I can settle down though at times, I wanna settle down. See, I don't even know what I want.
Something's definitely wrong with me. I don't know what I want in my career, in my life. I don't even know what to do with myself sometimes. I don't remember myself being like that before. I used to be independent and know what I wanted. Was it coz of my previous relationship that I've changed? I need to have a mind of my own again.
Anyway, back to the topic. Wedding is absolutely a long way away for me. For now, I'll just happily attend other people's weddings and be happy for them. Along the way, I'll just wait for the day.. For my turn to be a pretty and beautiful bride, to be someone else's wife and to stay with the person I truly love. To look after and take care of the man in my life. I will wait.. With an open heart and mind.
magz [5:13 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Friday, December 16, 2005
Chinatown
Didn't manage to upload my pictures yesterday as I went to Chinatown after my grandma's checkup. I'm glad to say that my granny is doing well except for a slightly high blood pressure. I always enjoy sitting there, chatting with her while waiting for my aunt to get the medicine. She never ceases to make me smile, to make me happy with her gibberish. She's like a little child now. Seeing her being so fascinated by the lights on the Christmas tree at the hospital makes me feel sad that she's not staying with me anymore. But seeing her happy makes me happy too. :)
After sending her back to the Medicare Centre, Aunt Margaret and I went to Chinatown to find clothes. I need to look for cheongsam or qipao (aka Chinese traditional dresses) for another of my company's D&D whereas my aunt was looking for clothes to buy for New Year and for office. While we were walking around, I realised that it's been a long time since I last went out with my aunt alone.
I still remember how much I used to like going out with her. I would always be very happy when she said that she will be bringing me out for the day and I'll happily tag along. She brought me to my first bowling game, to watch a movie, to buy shoes for me. We had lots of fun time and she would always be the one who pays for stuff. Yesterday was the first time I paid for something for her. I treated her to desserts. It's not much but somehow, it made me feel glad that I can treat her to something or pay for something. She's always been nice to me.. I know I will look after her when she gets old.. Same goes for Aunt Michelle. :)
So, with a twisted foot and walking all the distance, my foot's not getting any better but honestly.. Who cares? As long as I enjoyed myself, I can take a bit of pain. Today's Friday.. Weekend's coming! Yay! It's gonna be the end of the year soon. Time flies... Coz last year at this time, it was my last few days of work at DBS. Now, here I am.. in another bank.. Happy yet not satisfied.. Haha.
magz [4:30 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, December 14, 2005
Twisted foot
First, an update on my Fullerton stay. Wanted to do it together when I upload my pictures but it's been awfully long since I last blogged so.. Just wanted to blog. The pictures will hopefully be up tomorrow since I'm on leave tomorrow and might just have time to do it after I bring grandma for her checkup at the hospital.
My stay at Fullerton was close to perfect! The room was gorgeous!! I liked everything about the room, from the closet to the toilet to the bed. Haha. The first moment when we opened the door, our reaction was "WOW". Yeah.. It was that nice. Big THANKS goes out to Yong Ming for upgrading the room for us and all the other arrangements he made! The whole experience there is simply indescribable by words. I had a totally superb and incredible time there. That weekend was truly special to me and it will be something that I'll remember for life.
And the answer to all the questions: No, I did not do anything wrong that night. Never will coz it's special to me and I'll only do IT on my wedding night. Most people might not do what I'm gonna do but I'm proud to announce that I'm still a virgin. I don't care what people think about me being conservative or that I'm just immature and know nuts about enjoying sex. It's what they think, not me. I'm not and never will be ashamed of the fact that at the age of 22+, I have not tried sex before. In fact, it's something that I'm proud of. So, that's me. :)
I'm talking to the people who made me unhappy. Somehow there's still a strain there. I guess it will always be. We won't be as close as we used to be but at least we're talking. I didn't wanna be angry anymore. It's too tiring. Angry only drains out the energy in a person and I'd rather be happy any day. :p
Anne came to Tampines to meet us for lunch yesterday but in the end, only Joy, Agnes and I went for lunch with her. Was nice catching up with her. She was on medical leave coz her foot was swollen. Today's my turn! My foot hurts badly so I went to see the doctor after lunch. She told me that it is likely to be twisted and that I'm not allowed to wear heel slippers to work for 2 weeks. Sigh.. It's bad. I think I twisted it while crossing the road yesterday morning. First time I ever sprained or twisted my ankle. Guess this can add to the bad stuff that happened to me this year. Read my Dec 3 blog entry if you have no idea what I'm talking about. ^_^
magz [7:34 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Friday, December 09, 2005
1 more day!
I know I'm supposed to be happy and excited right now and I am. But at the same time, I've been thinking about the facades of life and people. Yes, I still can't get over what happened that fateful night which has caused me to lose trust and faith in certain friends. It's going to be a long road to recovery.
I've been ignoring the people who lied to me that night. And amazingly, quite a number of people have known about the problem though they are not and should not be involved in any way. It only makes me more wary of everyone coz news spread and tongues wag. It's becoming clearer and clearer to me who I can trust and who I can't. The sense of betrayal is extremely strong.
This issue has impacted me quite a bit. Everyday I see the person in my department, the things that this person does and the people whom this person talks about simply reminds me of that night. It's making it more difficult to forget and forgive. I know I have to let go of this but what I need is time. I even emailed the people whom I'm ignoring to forgive me for not talking to them but I need time to forget everything and just go back normal. It's the best that I can do.
I will still be professional and talk to them when it comes to work but when it's personal stuff, it's not gonna happen so soon. I really hope for this episode to end soon. I don't want to feel like this forever. It's a torture to myself. Pls let me forget all this crap that's happening. I just need to let go.
This weekend is definitely gonna be an enjoyable one for me coz I'm finally getting to spend quality time with my beloved. I can't wait!! I know I'll let go of everything on my mind to enjoy the next 2 days. I only wish that after this weekend of enjoyment, I can come back to work fresh and happy again. :)
Time for me to head to my baby's place where I know I will have a fantastic dinner cooked by him waiting for me. I can't wait!!! Especially for tomorrow to come!! Will update on tomorrow's events and hopefully post some pics too. YAY!!!
magz [7:10 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, December 07, 2005
3 more days..
Ain't exactly in the best of moods right now. After working so hard on Friday night, I was told this morning that contract staff are not supposed to stay in the office til so late. What sort of nonsense is that?!!! My boss once said that there's no difference between contract staff and permanent staff. It's just a way of letting management appraise you better. So, what's the logic behind contract staff not being able to stay late? CRAP! That new big boss of mine deserves to be shot. He's irritating the hell out of everyone. That's how terribly lousy he is.
Anyway, enough about that idiot. I bought gifts for Tom's birthday, our anniversary and Christmas as well. Played a little trick on him. I hid the gifts in his room but made him look for them without giving him much clues. Took him quite a while before he managed to find all 3 gifts. :) Glad that he likes them. Makes me happy too. Definitely worth all the time and effort I took to walk, shop and look for them. Thanks to D as well, for being my 'chauffeur' and driving me around town the whole afternoon. :p
Starting to doubt some of the friendships that I've made in this company thus far. It's a long story and I don't feel like talking about it anymore coz it makes me upset. Whatever the case, I know I'll still have people I'm close to in this company and that's more than enough. My life won't change coz of them. I've been ignoring the few of them the whole morning. It's bad but if there's no need for me to talk to them, I'd rather not. Will see how things turn out eventually.
magz [1:16 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, December 03, 2005
1 more week..
Didn't blog last night coz I was too tired. So here I am, blogging now. :)
Forgot whether it was Wednesday or Thursday that D asked me why I have got so much to blog. I thought hard about that question and I knew why. I'm someone who likes to wonder about things and ask questions. A simple sentence can set me thinking about associated stuff or similar events that might have happened. But most importanly is that I love to write and express myself. I actually have a personal diary which has my darkest secrets and I only write in it when I have thoughts that I don't want to share with others. :p
Was looking through my sms-es on Firday morning and saw a message from Diana last year wishing me a Happy Birthday and a pleasant 2005 ahead. That made me think back on things that have happened throughout the year. Here goes:
2005 marks the year where I started working as a permanent staff. The first day of work at the audit company was horrible. I reported for work at 9am sharp and went through an hour and a half of my big boss, Mr Chan, screaming at the other employees. That certainly put me off and I knew I had to leave this company. After 1 week of work, I told my boss Mr Quek that I wanted to resign. He persuaded me to stay on for 3 months and reassured me that if I wanted to leave, he will let me go.
So, to cut the long story short, I tended my resignation on the second last week of April. There was a huge hoo-ha about it but eventually, I got what I wanted - To leave that dreaded place. The price to pay was $3,750. You can read more about the hoo-ha
here. The most important thing was I'm free to leave for greener pastures.
I joined Citibank on May 9. The beginning was tough as I had to learn stuff and didn't have much work to do. I was even admitted to the hospital in June. It was my very first time being hospitalised and trust me when I felt scared. Nobody knew what was wrong with me. I had more injections than I ever had in my life. It wasn't a good feeling. The worst part, doctors had to put their finger into my anus a couple of times to test goodness knows what and I had liquid pumped into my anus as well. The feeling was.. BAD! It felt like I was peeing into my pants uncontrollably. Haha. Anyway, I shall spare the details.
Went back to work even though I was still on MC as I felt ok. Everything was getting better. Work and stuff. Had some problems here and there and was accused several times for things that I didn't do, but things have changed. I know how to get myself out of trouble and I'm thinking of ways and means to solve issues. I'm starting to enjoy my job. Overall, I should say that this year has been good.
What I have wrote above is pretty general and only the main things. Below is a list in point form of my whole year:
BAD1. I joined the wrong company - the audit one.
2. The quarrel with that company (But on the bright side, I learnt to be smarter).
3. I was hospitalised for the very first time.
4. The accusations by my supervisor and her shirking responsiblity when things happen (On the bright side again, I've learnt to handle things without her stepping in).
5. My handphone is spoilt.
6. I haven't gone to the beach for tanning at all this year (I always go at night).
7. I haven't had time to watch a single local production show on TV.
8. Stupid Mr Chan from audit company fired 2 of my good friends working there using some lousy excuse.
9. I worked til almost 12 midnight for the first time.
10. I haven't received flowers for almost 2 years now.
GOOD1. I'm happy working where I am right now.
2. I've made many fantastic friends from my current workplace (even though some have left the company) and that includes you, D.
3. My trip to Bangkok with Ali, Anne, Irvin and Stef. It was also my first trip overseas without my family.
4. I won an award for Performance Excellence (Team award but I wrote the proposal with D's help), an award for Best Floor Plan design for our office move (I thought of the design and Yating drew it but we split the prize with our department), and I recently won the award at our D&D for Best Dressed - J-pop genre (Also kudos to D for helping).
5. My boss has praised me several times and I'm very happy about it.
6. I managed to handle some projects and I'm working well with my vendors.
7. I went clubbing quite a number of times this year (ever since I started working here).
8. I got a new digicam as my bday present from my dear.
9. I'm earning better pay than I used to.
10. I have insured every part of me today so my family and my boy will be secure if anything happens to me.
11. I have made my working area at work very cosy and I don't mind going to work coz I feel right at home at my desk.
12. I was praised by my company's Technology people for helping to solve problems.
13. D has praised me many times.
14. I saw a shooting star for the first time! But I forgot to make a wish.
15. I managed to exercise for a month or so in April coz I haven't exercised in years.
16. I am enjoying every minute of my life and I'm a happy girl who is satisfied with life.
17. I will be staying at Fullerton next weekend with my beloved!!
18. I am still happily in love with my baby and it's been almost 2 years. It's my longest relationship thus far, so baby, you should be proud of yourself!
I think that's about it. Not sure what else I can add coz I'm starting to feel tired again. Woke up at 5.30am coz I had a nightmare and I slept at 1+ in the morning. I definitely lack sleep. Anyway, there's still another 3 more weeks til the end of the year. Let's see what else I can add in when the time comes. :)
oh, and Ali, I haven't talked to you for a few weeks already! Sighz.. Are you coming back to Singapore???
magz [8:58 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Friday, December 02, 2005
8 more days..
Guess what.. I'm still in the office!! Yes, I'm blogging this in the office at 11.40pm Singapore time. I must be insane. I'm the only person left on my floor of the building. Haha. How exciting! Ya right.. Sighz.. Finally finished my work. Tom's on the way to pick me up now. Gotta go. Will blog if I still have the energy later. Crazy me...
magz [11:39 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, December 01, 2005
9 more days..
From the title of my blog, it can be seen that I have changed the date for my stay at Fullerton. Yes, I've sent them an email telling them to change the date to 10th December instead. Now I can only hope that they have rooms on that day.
Nothing much to blog about actually. Have been busy and hectic at work that I'm leaving office at about 8pm every night with work still undone. No choice. Can't seem to finish. Sighz..
Still suffering from weird sleeping situations. I've been waking at 4am. These 2 days are slightly better. Woke up at 6am yesterday and when I finally managed to fall asleep again, I dreamt that I was running 2.4km for NAFA test. You can imagine how tired I was when I woke up. Today, I woke up at 5.30am and I started sneezing continuously more than 10 times again. Sighz.. Couldn't sleep after that.
Something's wrong with my body system somehow. This always happens to me from time to time but it's definitely taking its toll on me. I'm looking more and more like a panda with my dark eye circles and my brain's so cluttered with work and lethargy that I haven't really had the strength to complete or rush through my work. My department's shorthanded for today and tomorrow as Carol's on leave and Joy's on MC. Sighz..
I'm trying to delete MP3s that I don't want and clearing space from my laptop as well as burning them into CDs so that I can listen in the office.
Oh ya, my D&D photos for 25 Nov can be viewed from this link:
http://community.webshots.com/album/514126403gwVxNd. Some pics are not that well-taken. Can't edit coz it's not my camera. Enjoy!
magz [10:55 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
