Tuesday, November 29, 2005
18 days or less?
Received a sms from Sonia today informing me of a Xmas gathering on 17th Dec. It's the exact same day that I'll be checking into Fullerton for my 1 night stay with Tom. Was a bit disappointed at not being able to join the gathering as it has been a while sinceall of us caught up with one another and I'll love to meet everyone. Tom didn't seem to be in a good mood today so I didn't dare to say much except to tell him that I had just been informed of the gathering.
Knocked off work late due to some last minute stuff to handle. Everything that's happening this week is kinda in a rush as my boss is going on leave and things that need her approval has to be settled by this week. I've got lots of stuff that needs her approval so I've been rushing around like a mad woman. Screw ups in systems have also become an issue and I keep being harrassed by everyone though it's not my fault. Sighz.. Anyway, Tom had to wait for me to knock off work in the end.
When I finally met up with him, I told him I'll pay for the cab fare to his place. The queue was very long as it was raining. While waiting for the cab, I told him that I had something to tell him but was afraid that he would be angry. Made him promise not to be angry or upset and he agreed. Told him that I would love to go for the gathering and if it was possible for us to push forward the stay at Fullerton. He nodded his head without much hesitation and told me to call Fullerton to check if they had rooms available on 10 Dec. The simple nodding of his head and his willingness to let me enjoy myself simply made me understand once again why I truly like him. He is always so giving, so considerate and never restricts me on the things that I wanna do. Thanks baby, for allowing me to have the best of everything!
So that's settled. I'll confirm with Sonia on the date for the gathering before I call Fullerton tomorrow to change the date for the stay. I hope they still have rooms available on the 10th. Else... I'll probably just be sad..
While waiting for cab, I asked Tom if he was unhappy. He simply said that he was tired from work and that he hates working. Asked him if he would be happier working in Treasury related departments and he said he doesn't know what he wants. Asked him if he would be happier at the company he was working in before he joined us and he said most likely. I know he's not happy with work here and I know he doesn't like what he's doing. I won't force him to stay if he's unhappy. All I want is for my dear to be happy. Baby, if you find a job that you feel you'll be happy working, go for it. We can still meet up after work. I won't force you to stay here k? As long as you're happy, I'll be happy.
For now, enjoy the pictures of my D&D where I'm J-pop star. :)
Lynn,Joycelyn (my boss), Joy and I from my department.
Ah Bee was the one who told me where I could find boots that were affordable. Bought the cap for the night too!
Lawrence, Gina and I after the event. It was only supposed to be Gina and I but Lawrence wanted to show his wife this picture. Haha.
The group of performers and behind-the-scenes people. From left to right: Ah Chuan, Edmund gor, Charlie, Ah Bee, Me, Lynette, Gina and Agnes. In front: Felix and Anson.
magz [11:08 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, November 28, 2005
19 days..
I'm suffering from insomnia! Haven't slept properly for the whole of last week. It sucks. No matter how tired I am physically and mentally, I just can't seem to fall asleep. Wonder what's the cause of this. Everybody keeps asking me if it's work stress but I doubt so. Haven't had much stress from work and I've not been working late recently. It's causing me to heaty and pimples are breaking out. Sighz..
I'm blogging this in the office. It's still considered lunch time anyway. I went for lunch at 12.50pm and came back at 1.20pm. Amazing record time. I finished my plate of chicken rice in 8 minutes. The last time I ate this fast was when I was still in JC, gobbling down my food to prepare for Orientation. Haha. So long ago.. Edmund, my big bro in office, just offered me chocolate cookie and dessert. He's very sweet. A very very nice guy. Glad to have him as my bro coz he always looks out for me and takes care of me. :)
Work today is ok. Slightly busy as 2 of my colleagues from my department are out of office for Orientation today. Got to cover for them and there were quite a number of hiccups. The reports that I use had some weird entries and all printers in the office can't be used! It's causing a lot of problems as we can't print and it's very troublesome to reconcile details between a few screens. Sighz.. None of the IT people have reverted to us though we've been complaining. Haha. They always take their own sweet time.
Had lunch with CPB people. Felt pretty awkward coz I didn't have much topics to talk with them. Wonder why. It's better when we go drinking in a big group. Probably coz I talk more with the CIB group and probably Alvin and Justin from CPB (though Justin's no longer with our company). Sighz.. Guess I won't be lunching much with them anymore. I'll just eat in with the rest next time. :(
magz [1:30 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, November 27, 2005
Count down
I've decided to start counting down the number of days to my stay at the Fullerton with Tom. We're both very excited about it and we wanna take lots of pics that day with the new digicam. Hope everything turns out well~! It's another 20 more days. Can't wait!
My damn laptop is giving me problems again. I can't check my emails nor use my MSN. The dumb anti-virus can't load which is causing me all these problems. I've tried uninstalling it but it refuses to be removed from my laptop. It's simply pissing me off. Need help with my dumb laptop but I've got a good mind to sell this away and get another one or maybe a desktop instead. This laptop has simply given me too much trouble. Need to seriously consider what I have to do.
Ken from CPB asked me one question today. He asked I was at Tom's place today. I was shocked. It really came as a surprise to me coz I've never told him who my bf is. I didn't admit neither did I deny. I merely asked him who told him my bf was Tom. His reply was that he might have been mistaken then. I'm honestly not sure whether it was somebody who told him who my bf was or he guessed it himself. I'm sure I've never told him that before coz I know that I'm not supposed to announce it in the office due to the fact that we're both in the same department. Probably that's why it's shocking to me that it seems like many people actually know about our relationship. I don't want the news to spread to my supervisor or boss. Must really be careful from now on.
Everything that needs signing in with a password can't work on my laptop but thankfully, I can still blog. Simply must get my laptop fixed soon before I save enough to buy a new computer or laptop for myself. Wonder how long that will take me. Sighz..
magz [11:31 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, November 26, 2005
My new toy
Haven't had much time to blog daily again. Been busy at work due to year-end and the fact that my boss will be going on her 3 weeks' leave soon. I've got to settle everything that needs her approval before she enjoys herself.
We had a company event last night for most of the CIB people. I finally got to see some of the people that I've been liasing with but never had the chance to see how they look. I must say that most of them look very different from what I imagine through the sounds of their voices over the phone.
For all of us at TJ, we were supposed to dress up as J-pop or K-pop. Not many of them dressed up though. I wore a tank top, mini denim skirt, high boots and a cap (Will post the pic up later as I haven't gotten the pics yet). Had to rush down to city plaza to buy the cap and boots. Must thank D for rushing me there and back to office to buy. Without her help, I wouldn't have won the Best Dressed Award for the genre of J-pop/K-pop. I liked what I wore and it was fun. D, big THANKS goes out to you for all your help yesterday! Appreciate it lots!
Didn't get to eat much during the dinner at Raffles Town Club. Was too busy running around getting ready for the performance. Didn't perform though. I was only the presenter. Hehe. Our segment was pretty screwed due to some lighting problems and stuff like that. Didn't do too well but we sure had fun during rehearsals and stuff.
Most of us who performed went for drinks after the event was over. Headed to One Fullerton in whatever I was wearing and i could see the stares and looks from people. Haha. Couldn't be bothered. I liked what I wore and there's nothing to hide. The club we went to was crowded and the music was definitely way too loud. Decided to change location to Fullerton Hotel's Post Bar instead.
It was the 1st time that we actually had a group of CIB people going out for drinks. CPB people continued staying at the noisy club with the exception of Felix who definitely stayed there coz of the gal he likes (Not going to name her). It was enjoyable as we sat there, sitting peanuts and drinking though most of us were starving. Haha. When the bar closed for the night, we headed to a place at Republic Plaza that opens 24 hours for food. As Cheryl and my legs were killing us due to the super high heels, we walked barefooted all the way there. Haha. Edmund (my big brother in office) piggybacked me for 2 minutes before complaining that I was too heavy and let me down to walk. :p First time someone ever piggybacked me in public.
Reached home at about 3 to find out that both Ken and Felix were high at One Fullerton. Both couldn't sms properly. Sighz... Guys.. Always getting drunk. Wonder why. Anyway, they managed to reach home safely and that's good. Slept at 4.30 in the morning.
Refused to wake up today coz I was really worn out. Tom came to my place around 3pm and I was still sleeping. Took a bath and we went to the SITEX exhibition at Expo. It was raining very heavily when we reached and it was only when we reached that we realised there was no umbrella in the car. Waited in the car for the rain to be less heavy for about half an hour. That half an hour wait was very romantic to me coz I was lying on his lap and he stroked my hair. Could see the love in his eyes while he was doing that and I truly felt the love as well. It was a beautiful moment.
The rain finally became a drizzle and we went to the exhibition. It was crowded but we managed to get the things that we set out for. He bought his Razer Diamondback mouse and mouse pad for gaming purposes and bought me a digicam for my birthday. So sweet of him to buy me something that I want. Thanks baby for spending so much on me! :) The digicam's my new toy to play with. Can take pics of everything that I like and upload it into my laptop. Yay!
Since my baby bought such an expensive present for my birthday, I volunteered to pay for dinner. We had steamboat buffet dinner at Suntec and we are so full!! Cancelled our initial plan to go for drinks at Paulaner as we simply couldn't afford to drink or eat anything else. Came back to his place and here I am, typing this entry while he's watching TV.
Gonna join him soon but before I end I have to tell DFT this. Lemme know if you want me to remove your blog from my list and if I'm not supposed to read it k? Promise I won't read it if you say so. :)
magz [8:48 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, November 23, 2005
Marriage
It's been a long time since I last caught up with Anne. The last time was the dinner that we had our gathering at IndoChine. Decided to email her to catch up. Talked about friends from SIM, people we've caught up with recently and people from office, and the topic of marriage. More on marriage later but I realised that people in my office are truly genuine and care for others even though they have joined other companies. Many of them still ask me about Anne and how she is doing which goes to show how fantastic these people are.
Back to the topic, we talked about marriage. Why? Coz many of our common friends are either engaged, have gotten flats with their partners or are intending to get married by next year. I remember there was this period when we were still studying where almost everybody we knew were breaking up. Some of us even called it the 'breaking up' season. If my memory doesn't fail me, I think it was sometime in Oct or Nov but I can't remember the exact year. And now, it's the 'getting hitched' season. So many people I know wants to get married by next year. It's truly amazing to me.
I heard/read this somewhere before but no recollection where I heard/saw it. Not sure how it was phrased but it's something along the lines of there's no point or need to get married. I can move in with the person I love and intend to live my life with. Marriage is just an official title by law. Without that legal title, I can still call him/her my husband/wife. And if 1 day, things get bad between the both of us, I shall just move out and continue my life from there instead of having to go through divorce. This is especially so for couples who do not plan on having kids.
Honestly, I'm not too sure about that. Probably it's the sense of security that being legally married gives a person. I've never thought of it that way. I've always wanted to get married between the age of 26-28. I once thought of getting married at the age of 24 but now, I feel that it's still too young. I'll prefer to enjoy my freedom as long as possible. Not that life gets restricted after marriage or anything like that but somehow, a person's life changes after marriage and I'm not sure I'm ready to accept that yet. :)
Oh well, marriage for me is still a long way for me to go. WIll just have to take things as they happen.
My sweetheart's on leave today. Think he was quite bored at home coz he blogged twice. Got bad news yesterday regarding our leave plans. We actually planned for leave during the same period in Dec but a colleague just got news that he would have to go back for reservist during the same period. Hence, we had to re-schedule our leave and it's not the same period anymore. This means that I can't spend more time with my boy. We'll still be going for the Fullerton stay on 1 of the weekends though and I've already made reservations. Can't wait for that weekend to come. :)
As my dear was on leave today, he made dinner for me. Steak, sunny side up, soup and bread. I must say, it was a fantastic meal. But my poor baby was scalded by splattering oil while cooking the sunny side up. Poor baby. He deserves a big hug and kiss for all the effort. Thanks baby for the nice dinner! Appreciate it. :)
Just finished watching 'Amazing Race' on TV. It's been a long time now since I got to watch any shows on TV. Decided to leave office early today as I was bored. Haven't managed to leave office early for sometime now. Time to pamper myself! ^_^
magz [8:14 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, November 21, 2005
Attitude change
I've decided to change my attitude towards my dad. I'll be more patient, more tolerant and more understanding towards him. I'll do my very best to be a better daughter though I don't feel that I've been all that bad. I'll keep reminding myself to be better to him. I'll try my hardest. :)
magz [11:40 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
A lousy daughter?
Everytime after I treat my dad somewhat badly or my attitude to him is bad, I ask myself this question, "Have I been too much?" I always feel terrible inside when I talk to him rudely or when I know I had been mean to him. Somehow, it always ends up that way. I can't seem to talk to him properly without our conversation ending on a bad note. Most times, I get irritated by him easily. I admit that I'm not a person with much patience and I hate it when he keeps repeating what he says or that he's told someone else to convey the message to me and yet calls me to repeat the same message again. Yes, I hate that lots. My patience level with him is as good as zilch. Most times, the things he says really gets on my nerves.
I always hear complains about the tenant, about money. Yes, money.. I hate it when he opens his mouth and tells me that he doesn't have money and that sort of crap. You earn your own keep and if you refuse to save and just keep spending, there's nothing I can do. I give you your allowance monthly on time. I give you extra at times and pay for stuff without you paying a single cent. So why tell me you have got no money? I'm paying for all my own expenses and for stuff in the house. There's only so much that I can do. If it wasn't for the sake of money and the fact that I hated my previous job, I won't have to change my job and pay that dumb company money for breaking the contract. I'm only 22 and yet all that revolves in my mind every month when I get my pay is how to split my money and save and pay for everything else. You know how much I hate that? Even if I were to change my job now, I have to make sure that it's paying as well as my current job or even better coz I won't know how to survive.
It explains all my anger and fury for you. You've not done your part as a father ever since I graduated from JC. My school fees and allowances were not given to me by you. I get it from my aunts and I look down on you, on myself for that. I despise the fact that my dad can't even pay for my University fees. Ever since JC, I had to scrimp and save every single cent I had. I never bought much nice stuff for myself coz I knew that if I don't save, I won't even be able to buy stuff at all. And yet, I give you money for your birthday every year and bought you things that you like or want. Still, you are not contented and you're calculative towards me with regards to money. Ask yourself, dig through your conscience. I've done every thing, every single bit of me to be a good daughter to you. What have you done for me? Ask yourself that question. Maybe I shouldn't be guilty about treating you badly everytime anymore. I'm sick of all the guilt trips I've taken. It's time I forgive myself for being mean to you.
Enough said. Supposed to meet my sis today to go Suntec but she played me out. Was lazy to go and hence, I'm here typing my blog. Still thinking about my coffee with my book scenario. I haven't had my caffeine fix today and I don't mind having one soon.
Chuan-ge just messaged me to be in his team for a bowling competition on Dec 7. Seems like the email was sent out today in the office and they're organising teams to join. I'm surprised that he asked me to be in his team. I mean, ya, we're very close friends but my bowling skills ain't that fantastic or something that I can be proud of. I guess it's coz of the bowling night that we organised the other time. I did quite well at first so they thought of me. Haha. That was through a lot of practice and coaching from Tom, else I would definitely be lousy.
So my dearest Tom, I think we will have to go training again soon k? Hehe. Since it's a competition and I was invited to join other people's team, I need all the guidance that I can have. Thanks dearie!
Dilemma: Should I or should I not go for my coffee and read my book? Tough choice..
magz [4:16 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, November 20, 2005
Digicam n pics
I'm seriously thinking of getting a digicam to take pics with. It's something that I've wanted to get for some time now. Guess it's time I put it into action. Will start looking around for something good. Anyway, uploaded the pics that Stef put on the web for our Thailand trip. I finally got down to saving them into my laptop. Enjoy the pics and thanx to Stef and Anne for taking so many pics!
Friday was tiring as I worked til 10.30pm to finish all my work. All coz of the fact that I'm on leave on Monday. Everybody wants their stuff before I go on my 1 day leave and I had to rush everything for them. Sighz.. By the time I finished work, I didn't know if i should eat or sleep as I was both tired and hungry. Took a cab to Tom's place and munched on potato chips before heading straight for the bed. Slept soundly til 3am before he sent me home.
Headed to Suntec on Saturday for a walk with Tom as we were clueless on what to do for the day. Walked at Carrefour but it was so crowded that it started to become annoying. Managed to find my favourite drink, NeoSwirl, which is a fuzion of lychee and jasmine tea. I absolutely love it but it's so hard to find in supermarkets. Was so excited to find it at Carrefour! Hehe. We bought 2 big bottles and 2 cans of that drink. Haha. The girl queuing in front of us to pay was staring at the both of us. Bet she must be wondering why we bought so much of the same drinks. I can't find it anywhere else. That's why.
Tom started having a headache and after much persuasion, I managed to convince him to go back and rest. Told him that we could head out for dinner when he was feeling better. However, he still wasn't feeling too good after resting so we slacked at his place. Had soup and bread for dinner. I started sneezing non-stop and it was really bad. My nose was blocked and I felt tired after all that sneezing. Fell alseep immediately after watching 'Something about Mary' and Tom drove me home at 3am. :p
Oh, we saw this really gorgeous Lamborghini while we were at Suntec that we took pics of the car with our mobiles. Below is the pic that I took of it. People were staring at the 2 of us while we were taking pics of the car but who cares? We hardly get to see such a breath-taking car in Singapore. Ain't it a beauty?
Went to my aunt's place for dinner just now. It's nice to have gatherings once in a while. Might be meeting my sis and her hubby tomorrow afternoon to buy presents for Tom for his bday and for our 2 year anniversary. Will see how tomorrow.
To my dearest buddy, glad that you and Mich are ok. Saw the pic of both of you on her MSN and I know that the 2 of you are happy together again. Happy for the 2 of you. :)
KK's still in US. He's only coming back next Sunday. Irene's in Thailand and Ken's in Penang. Sighz.. Wish I can go on a holiday again. Will save up for my next trip!
K.. Gonna go to bed now. Re-writing this entry for the third time and it's killing me. Gonna sleep. Nitez all!
magz [11:47 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Friday, November 18, 2005
Back to normal
Wanted to blog last night but was too tired. Internet in the office is up again! YAY!!!! Blogging in the office now actually. Got to make this a short entry. The place I'm sitting at now is not tht secure for doing this. Hehe.
Everything between Tom and I are ok on Wednesday night itself. He's really wonderful to even try to cheer me up again. He's a great guy, I know. Will do my very best to not make him upset or angry with me again.
Dearest D, everything's fine. Don't think so much k? U're still a great friend to me and I love you for that. Thanks for all the good and fun times together. :)
K.. Gotta work. Don't want my boss to see me blogging during office hour. :p
magz [8:44 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, November 16, 2005
Morning Surprise and sadness now..
Thunderstorm's brewing outside while I'm sitting here, alone in Tom's house, blogging away with my can of Lime Coke that I jus bought, enjoying the aircon and mp3s, deciding if I should my KitKat Chunky with Caramel. The kind of life that I like. Thought of going to a cafe to read my book with an ice blended coffee, watching the day pass by but the thunderstorm prevented all that from happening. No worries, I've still got 3 more days of leave to clear. Hopefully I get to do that on 1 of the days that I'm on leave. Would really love to do that. Something that I've always wanted.
Anyway, I came to my dear's place early in the morning (Woke up the same time that I'll wake up to go work!). It's insane, yes I know. Why would anyone want to wake up that early in the morning just to go to their bf's house when nobody's there either. Well, I don't want to stay at home and be bombarded with questions from my dad about my taking leave and he'll keep calling me to disturb me and to ask me to do stuff for him. I just wanna enjoy and relax on my day off. Tom messaged me to tell me that there was a surprise waiting for me in his room. Was quite excited on my journey throughout the 1 hour that I was on the bus. Yupz.. That's how long it takes to get from my house to his house.
When I reached there, I went up to his room and saw that he had done something cute with his bed, pillow and bolster. It made me smile immediately. Nice that my dear did something cute for me to surprise me, after 'my whining' blog previously. The picture is what he did for me. He even wrote a poem for me. I'm so touched!
Ok.. I just came back from a drink with Doreen. It's supposed to be coffee, but it ended up with wine and beer. Was supposed to cook dinner for my baby, but now.. he's cooking downstairs without me. He's not happy about it. I know. I can sense it. It's the sixth sense that I have. I know it when people aren't happy with me or stuff like that. I always manage to guess things right. I didn't mean it to be that way. I was psyched about it the whole day. Was waiting to do it for him. Little did I expect to come back so late and to be drinking. Sorry baby! Promise to cook for you on Monday when I'm on leave again. Don't be angry anymore? I know you're angry when you're not responsive to my hugs and kisses. Next time, I'll jus drink coffee k? Pls pls talk to me again.. :(
Really not happy about it. I feel like crying but there's no point in me crying over something which I chose to do. What good will it do? I don't know. Tears are welling up in my eyes yet I'm trying hard to control. I'm disappointed in myself I guess. All I wanted was to make Tom happy, but I ended up doing something else. I hate it when he's upset with me. I hate it when he doesn't talk to me. I hate it when he's angry with me. And I know that it's all coz of the things I do. I hate myself for doing things to make him feel that way. I really do.
Thought I would have more to write earlier on. Definitely not in the mood right now. I feel horrible.. For making him upset.. for being so unresponsible. For being such a bitch..
magz [5:49 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Tuesday, November 15, 2005
Phuket or Fullerton?
Had a long discussion with Tom last night after dinner on what we should do for our 3 days of leave from 16 to 19 Dec. We had been thinking of going for a weekend getaway for some time coz I really wanna go some place alone, just the 2 of us. Checked out the website for weather of Phuket in Dec and found that it's sunny with not much rain. Good! Proceeded to check hotels and resorts that looked nice and were affordable. Took us an hour finding what we wanted. Found it at long last! Proceeded to check out airlines and while registering for the flight, the website prompted us for expiry dates of our passport. As I didn't have my passport with me at the moment, Tom decided to send me home first and we could continue with the registration over the phone.
On the way home, I told him about the deal that I saw on the website of One Fullerton. There's a weekend promotion going on and it looks real nice. I was very tempted by it and felt that it was worth a try. We decided to think carefully on what we want to do before rushing into things. I opened the letter box when we reached home, only to find my handphone bill had arrived. The long-awaited (though not excited about it) bill for the month when I was in Thailand. Opening the letter gave me the biggest shock for a long time. My bill for the month was a hefty $205! All the calls and messages that I used in Thailand was more than $100. My goodness! There I was, expecting my bill to only be about $100 to $150. Sighz..
Hence, the conclusion: We're most likely to proceed with the Fullerton promotion than the Phuket trip as the expenses for the Phuket trip will definitely cost a bomb. Trip is postponed to next year. I'm not sad or disappointed coz I know that as long as I'm somewhere with him, no matter what we do, I'll still be happy. :)
My internet access in office is no longer there due to our stupid office move! Sighz.. Can't surf the net when I'm bored, nor write my blog. Sucks! Still slowly and patiently waiting for my internet access to be up. Just hope that it comes back soon. Thank god I'm on leave tomorrow. Else, I'm gonna be soooo bored in the office though I'm supposed to be rushing my internal audit stuff. Well, deadline for that is Friday. Will just have to slog on Thursday when I'm back in the office. :p
My colleague, Gina, received flowers from her bf today coz it was their anniversary. Not sure how many years they have been together. Think it's about 3 or 4 years. Her bf used to be from the same department as her and was her supervisor. He transferred departments due to the pressure and the fact that couples are not supposed to work in the same department. Heard that he's currently a Management Associate in our company and doing quite well. So sweet!
Can see the envy through my writing? Haha. Yeah, I'm always envious of girls who have flowers delivered to them through the florist. It's always so nice to receive flowers when you least expect it. Makes you feel loved. I know not all girls feel that way, but I'm definitely someone who would love to receive flowers. My buddy once asked me for my office address coz I was envious of him sending flowers to his gf at her office. Haha. Told him I don't need the pity. In a joking manner of coz.
Ok, I shall stop whining and complaining again. Gonna accompany Tom now. Will probably blog again tomorrow. *Smilez*
magz [9:16 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, November 13, 2005
My whining..
It's been a boring Sunday so far. I'm at home, with nothing to do. Been thinking about getting my driver license. Maybe it's time I put the thoughts into action. I yearn for the day when I've got a car of my own, driving alone in the night to wherever I want when I'm unhappy. Feeling the cold breeze, listening to a nice CD and jus driving aimlessly. I love nothing more than freedom, the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. When will that come true?
Read Stef's blog a while ago. Jean told me about it. Not sure if Stef is ok with me reading it and adding the link to my blog. Will ask her about it when I see her online. Stef, if it's not ok, jus let me know and I'll remove the link k?
Realised that everybody puts on a front. Everyone of us has a facade coz there are things that we do not want people to know. When we were drinking at Club Momo once, Ken said this to me, "You don't understand what we (he and some others) are going through coz you are happily in love and have everything in life." What he didn't know was that I wasn't happy that night either coz of something that Tom said and did that truly hurt me, my feelings. Something that I want to forget ever happened.
Yes, I may look happy and satisfied with life all the time. But who really knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. There are times when nobody sees me, deep down inside of what I'm feeling. Nobody knows when I'm upset or feeling down coz I choose not to tell, not to say anything. So many things can be running inside my brain.. Yet.. At times I dunno what I want. That's me. Uncontrollable thoughts making me confused. Thankfully, this doesn't happen everyday or I'll go bonkers.
I haven't drawn for a long time. Come to think of it, it's been almost 5 to 6 years since the last time I drew anything. Haven't been in the right mood to draw. I need to be in the mood before I can draw. That doesn't happen too often. Most of the time it happens, it's at night when everybody's sleeping and it's so peaceful. There I am, in my own world, listening to the songs that I like and I'll have the mood to draw. Haven't felt like that for ages. Sighz..
It's been almost 2 years with Tom now. Been thinking of what I should get for him for our anniversary. I didn't buy him much last year coz I was still working as a temporary staff at that time and his birthday was quite near to our anniversary date. Didn't have much of a choice. We've been thinking of going on a short weekend getaway together but til date, we have yet to plan anything. Or should we jus go for a hotel stay jus like last year? I'm not sure.
I'm someone who loves romantic stuff, but Tom is not a very romantic person. There are times when our characters clash coz of that. I want to be surprised, to have the feeling of romance in our relationship. Maybe coz I'm his second gf and he wasn't with the first gf for very long, he can be quite insensitive at times. Jus like how much I hinted about what I wanted to have on my bday last year, it didn't happen coz he once told me,"I did the same for my ex and she said I was stupid." That hurts, that really did coz she is she and I am me. I'm not gonna dwell on it.
But in my heart and in my mind, I know that for me to be surprised and to have romantic moments with him, I've got to do it myself. This year, for our 2 years' anniversary and for my bday, I'm not sure of what I'll get and whether I'll be surprised or feel the romantic moments. I don't dare to have high hopes anymore. I tried that before and was disappointed. I don't want that feeling again. I'm just gonna be as per normal and see what happens.
It's been a long time since he last drew for me or wrote a poem for me. No wonder people always say, it's the courtship period that's the nicest and sweetest coz things get taken for granted after 2 people have been together for long. I sure hope that this will not be the case.
Think I've complained enough. Dear, hope you won't be too upset, disappointed or angry with what I wrote. Jus felt like whining. Sorry to make you unhappy in any way. I still love you with all my heart.
magz [6:17 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Office Move
Finally, our office move is completed. It's been postponed ever since I joined the company in May and I heard that this topic has been up since March. Haha. Shows the efficiency of our company in handling such things. Anyway, I'm real glad that it's over and done with coz it was really tiring for me. In my whole dept, everyone had to pack and most of them had only half a box to 1 box of things. For me, it was 4 big boxes! The worst part, I had to pack them all by myself and unpack, all in a day's work! Suffering from muscle ache now. Sighz..
The office space was designed by Yating and I, and we won the award for it. Somehow, it wasn't what we expected due to the limited office space that we have - All thanks to cutting cost. Everybody was complaining but space restriction and that we can't see each other even after standing up. It's not our fault! There are so many needs that we have to cut down on everybody's wants while designing the plan. The whole area that we have is small. There's nothing we can do. To provide everyone with enough storage space, we could only think of hanging cabinets so that there will be more leg room as well. Hence, the design is as such. Don't care about what they say. If they wanna complain, they should have designed something as well. Too bad if their design didn't get chosen. It's not our fault. Complain to the big boss for choosing our design then. Haha.
Went to Elias Park for dinner after the office move with Tom. Poor Victor had to wait for us to knock off for quite some time. Apologies on that. It took me a long time to unpack as we still have some cabinets not built yet. When we finally got everything settled and wanted to take a cab there, there were no cabs, only long queues of people waiting for cabs. Decided to take a train to Pasir Ris and trying our luck there. It was definitely much better than queuing up for cabs. Got a cab pretty soon and at long last, we were there!
Both of us were starving by the time we reached (10pm) so we ordered beer and food. Victor was with a friend (Irvin), the owner of the place. Not sure what's the name of the place but this was my second time there. The chicken wings there are good! We will always order that when we're there. Haha. We caught up on our lives and school days in the past when Irvin was busy. When Irvin joined us, it was about his army days with Victor. Sounded like they had 1 helluva time in the army.
What was the joke of the day was that people from my office turned up at the same place and sat next to our table. Could anything be worse than that? Thank god Victor commented on a big group coming to the place and we turned around. I recognised them immediately and had to let go of Tom's hand. Nobody in office is supposed to know about the 2 of us being together. It's not that I'm ashamed of him or anything along that line. It's just work ethics and I was the one who recommended him into the company. It's just not right.
Throughout the whole time that the big group from office was there, we jus acted as normal friends and chatted. Haha. Quite comical and dumb, but just had to bear with it. They left after an hour and a half or so. We were there til 2am! But the nicest part of it all was: I SAW A SHOOTING STAR for the first time in my life!!! It was bright and gorgeous! Truly amazing!!! Victor saw another one after about an hour, but as it was behind me, I couldn't turn in time to catch it. Didn't manage to make a wish though. Was too in awe at the beauty of the shooting star that I missed the chance. Next time it happens, I'm gonna be prepared! Hehe. Wonder when I'll get to see another shooting star again.
Woke up quite late today. Body simply refused to wake up. I knew what it meant. Tom brought lunch over and we had a good meal. Was so full that I simply refused to move. Haha. Took a shower and while changing, I found the URA personnel downstairs giving summons to people who did not display their coupons. Told Tom immediately and he ran downstairs to put 1. Dad came out from toilet soon after, and he did not put a coupon as well. Told Tom to run downstairs and stop the woman from giving Dad a ticket. Tom wanted to put a coupon for Dad but I waved to him not to. Wanted to tell him that Dad was coming down and all he needs is to hold the woman up for a while. Silly boy came up without hearing me shouting to me, and he didn't bring his handphone downstairs with him. Dad ended up with a ticket. We both said to pay for him. Not sure whose fault it was, but anyway, the 2 of us are gonna pay for it. Sighz.. What's it got to do with me? ;p
Went to Orchard after that. Has been a long time since I went to town, be it weekday or weekend. Had to bring my pants for alteration. I've bought them for quite some time now, and I've finally gotten down to doing it. Haha. Shows how lazy I am. While waiting for my pants to be altered (the person told me to wait a hour), we walked around Wisma and Taka. While heading towards Taka, I felt a slight headache and I knew what was happening. Hormonal changes were taking place. We continued to walk around and went to Kinokuniya. I've rekindled my love and interest for books. :)
Headed to the ladies after that and it was exactly as I thought. Sighz.. Felt sick and tired. Told Tom that I wanted to go back and rest. Went back to collect my pants, only to find them not ready yet (It was almost 2 hours from the time I dropped them off). Waited for about 15 mins before they were ready. Was too lazy to try them on before leaving. If the length is still not right, I'm bringing them back.
As soon as we reached Tom's place, I plonked myself onto his bed and I fell asleep. Can't remember what was the time then. Probably about 7.30pm to 8pm. Slept til 3am before he sent me home. My goodness! I sure can sleep! I'm still sleepy actually, but decided to blog before I get knocked out to the world again. I'm sure I'll be waking up very late again tomorrow. Hormonal changes.. God! I sure do hate it when it happens!
magz [3:50 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Friday, November 11, 2005
First dinner I cooked
Last night was the very first time that I actually cooked dinner for anyone. Have been in the mood to cook for Tom this week. I must admit I'm not someone who can cook or likes to cook. I'm more the kind of person who prefers to bake cakes or make desserts. That's why it was pretty amusing to myself that I actually had the urge to cook.
For the whole time that I was with Tom (almost 2 years now), it has always been him or his mum cooking dinner for me. The only thing that I've cooked for him is only instant noodles, and everyone knows how to do that. I've watched him cook for me a few times, especially recently, hence I decided to try. Told him that he was not supposed to help at all except when I ask him questions. Hehe.
Once we reached his place, I proceeded to the kitchen to start cooking. The dinner was: Spaghetti and soup. Yes, it's the simplest Western food to cook and the only thing that I know how to cook after watching him so many times. I allowed him to cut the mushrooms while I was making the soup and cooking the linguine.
Cooking was quite fun, especially when I was making dinner for the guy I love. He was patiently teaching me what to do when I needed his help. It was kinda romantic to me.. Cooking side by side each other, for each other.
The only down part was that I didn't manage to drain all the water from the linguine while taking them out from the pot, causing the sauce to be a bit too wet. Tom was really sweet to say that it was ok and that the food was still delicious, that I've done a very good job. So nice to have someone praising me. Hehe. :)
Must learn to cook something else soon. Can't always be cooking the same thing for my dear everytime. Will definitely be reading cook books soon. Haha.
magz [2:50 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, November 10, 2005
Update
realised that i'm blogging lesser and lesser nowadays. my life has been so monotonous that i feel so dead. sighz.. everyday, it's just about work and going home. what is this??
this will be an update on my life since my thailand trip. :)
met up with stef, eevon, jean, dilun, irvin and anne on 29 Oct. it's the same day that i had my hair rebonded. hehe. sat there for 4 hours jus to get it straight. i've got terribly stubborn hair, probably the same as my character. found out about my stubbornness when i was still in primary school. not something that i'm proud of, but definitely something that's very hard for me to change. anyway, when all of them saw me, they were shocked coz my hair was really straight and flat. everybody started saying it was too straight and i rebutted by saying that anne and stef were complaining about my hair being so wavy n stuff like that in thailand. haha.
we had dinner at indochines, a restaurant called madame butterfly. the place was really classy but for the kind of price that we paid, it better be. food was only so-so to us, sorta like high class 'cooked food' from coffee shops. we paid $20+ for a small bowl of what tasted like hor fun. haha. the whole meal cost each of us at least $40 each. the best part of the story is, we weren't that full after eating! haha. anyway, we had a great time chatting and laughing, catching up on one another's lives and sharing the fun that we had in thailand with the rest.
went to TCC for some desserts after that. desserts there are nice. i like the stuff that they have, especially the tiramisu, baileys chocolate cake (something along that line), and the other 2 desserts that stef and eevon ordered. they were simply delicious and definitely made our day (or should i say dinner). :p as it was almost halloween, the employees of TCC were dressed in costumes and beyond a doubt, added some festive mood to the night.
soon, it was almost midnight so tom and i sent stef and eevon home. while in the car, anne called to say that irvin will be joining roy and winston for billiard at katong shopping centre and asked if tom wanted to join them. as the place was quite near his place, we decided to join them. by the time i reached home, it was 3+ in the morning. was so tired that i headed straight for my bed. :)
came back to work on deepavali (1 Nov) as my boss asked me to help out with some stuff in the morning. reached the office at 10am only to discover that statements were not in our system. informed my supervisor, who was also at work for the same reason, and upon checking with IT people, she told me that the statements would be in by 1.30pm. had actually booked tickets online to catch a movie with tom. in the end, we sold the tickets to his sis n her friend while i proceeded to do my work in the office. however, by 2.30pm, the statements were still not in our system. i informed my supervisor and found out that as it was a holiday, nobody was at work n hence, no statements would have come in no matter how long we waited. sighz.. had lunch and went for more billiard with tom and his friends.
as i reported for work on the holiday, my boss had promised me half a day leave on wednesday. went to feeling excited as i was thinking of going shopping on my own after work. but as luck will have it, my boss wasn't too pleased that i even asked her about the half day leave as she felt that i didn't come back to the office to do what was meant to be done. her attitude became quite unpleasant and in the end, i told her i will sacrifice my leave. her attitude changed immediately and she treated me nicely, just as before. sighz.. the true faces of human beings..
had a belated farewell drinking session for justin on fri (4 Nov). it was very sweet and caring for him to arrange it after my trip. glad he waited for me. was a nice gesture from him. missing the days when he was here. sighz.. anyway, the clubbing session was ok. newsroom bar's business seem to have deteriorated as there wasn't any crowd at all that night compared to the last few times we were there. the guys made justin drink a lot and he was high. danced at the centre stage with him. :) i love dancing! haha. but when dancing at clubs, i must get into the mood before i am able to fully let go. it was the 1st time i danced with him. was quite enjoyable. don't look at his big size.. he can dance real well! as usual, gary got drunk n puked. randall was also drunk n puked as well. the amazing thing, justin was not drunk! haha. he even managed to arrange for everybody to have company on the way home. amazing~!
work is boring these days. job scope has changed back to me doing the same things when i first joined. i'm so free at work that i'm typing this update during office hours. sighz.. think i can update my blog everyday now. haha. we're moving our office from 7th floor to 9th floor tomorrow. gotta start packing soon.
oh, stephen has also just tendered his resignation. another person leaving us.. sad.. :( but hope he enjoys his new job~!
magz [2:06 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
