Friday, January 28, 2005
to my mummy...
today's my mum's bday. she's 51 today. happy bday mum!!
i miss my mum. she passed away 15 yrs ago.. when i was only 8. i've only lived with her for 8 short yrs but i still have a very strong impression of her. mummy quarrelled with her family when she chose dad to be her boyfriend n later, her husband. mum's family hated daddy n daddy didn't like mummy's family either. whenever we went back to my maternal grandma's house, dad would be unhappy n ask mummy to go home earlier. but i know that deep down inside mummy's heart, she wished things were different coz she's a very filial daughter.
things never changed even til the day mummy passed away. i used to be a very sickly child. i was sick almost every month, sometimes twice or thrice a month. it used to be very bad n mummy had to spend a lot of time looking after me n taking care of me. but mummy never grumbled nor complained. she took everything in her stride n did her best to teach me well.
everybody says i look like mummy. i'm not sure about that but i love that compliment coz everybody used to say mummy was pretty. hehe. i've got mummy's temper too. we're both bad-tempered. :) i used to tell mummy that if she died, i'll die with her. it's been 15 long years since she passed away.. yet... i'm still here typing my blog.
i know mummy will want me to live my life happily which is why i adopt the more happy-go-lucky attitude since i was young. i try not to be upsest most of the time. of coz there will be times when things get me down n i'm unhappy but i try not to dwell on it too long. i'm sure mummy will be a very happy woman when i go for my convocation in apr/may coz that has always been her wish since i can remember. she's always wanted her daughter to be a university graduate n i'm glad that i didn't let her down.
once again, i wanna wish my mummy a very happy bday!!!
magz [8:45 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, January 26, 2005
serendipity & love~
somehow or other, i always feel that serendipity is the same as coincidences. it was only til yesterday that i found out that serendipity is the natural talent that some people have for finding interesting or valuable things by chance. was it because of the show 'serendipity' that i always felt that serendipity had something to do with love n coincidences. guess i can't really remember the movie much. the only part that i can remember from the show was how the male n female lead actor n actress met each other n decided to have a game of fate, n how the female actress wrote her contact no/address on a book n sold it to a 2nd hand book shop. that's all that i can remember.
wonder y but somehow, that show struck something in me. it made me want to play that game of fate. in the show, the couple took different lifts n tried to see if they can guess correctly which level each chose n when the lift open, will they be able to see each other? i've always wanted to play that game after watching the show, but i don't want to play the lift game. i feel like telling my bf to walk in a different direction from me in orchard n see if somehow we can meet. but (there's always a but, isn't it?) i'm afraid that if we don't meet, what would that signify? that we don't have fate. i can't deal with that coz i'm a firm believer of fate.
to me, i believe that it's fate that u meet someone n be friends with, it's fate that makes u somebody's child, it's fate that brings 2 people together to be a couple. so what happens when after playing the 'fate' game n the 2 of u didn't meet? does it mean that the 2 of u aren't meant to be together as a couple? not necessarily. how can anyone base their relationship on a game right? but i still don't have the courage to play this game. :p
heard from a colleague recently that she's jealous of me. why? coz she feels that i've got a good bf n that it's so sweet n nice to be able to do things together with the person u love. i guess that's quite true.
love doesn't come easily. some people have to pay a price to be with the person they love. for me to be able to enjoy what i have now with my bf, we went through a lot. so much that only 2 of my close guy friends know what happened. whatever happened in the past doesn't matter now coz i'm happy n enjoying every moment with my bf n that's all that matters.
my colleague is actually married n she's my age. got married last yr i think. somehow, she said she was blinded by love then. now she wants a divorce. i'm pretty amazed at how fast love for a person can die. if u loved him so much then, where did the love for him go? i don't understand. but i won't probe coz it doesn't really concern me.
is it really true that when love comes, u can't hide from it n when love goes, there's nothing u can do to stop it from going off? i always feel that to love a person, it doesn't mean that u have to make the person stay by ur side. as long as that person is happy, u should be happy for him/her (especially if that person isn't ur gf/bf). love can't be forced. it can only grow with time but if it doesn't happen, then i guess there's nothing much that anyone can do.
people who have known me long enough will know that i've never really had a lasting relationship. i know that lots of people love to ask me 1 question.. 'are u still seeing the same guy or u changed bf already?' i know that my reputation for relationships suck but yes, i've changed. over the past 2 years, i've changed. i now want a long lasting relationship n i think i've found it. so, to those who still love to ask me that question, i'm still seeing the same guy n i'm very very very happy with him.
my reputation for relationships might be bad, but something else is making it worse. i've found out that people i don't know have been using my photo to ask strangers in irc if they love threesomes n whatnots. somehow or other, i'm currently someone who loves to have sex with guys n even threesomes!!! my goodness! i'll kill those people personally if i find out who they are. utter nonsense!
sigh.. back to work now~
magz [9:06 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, January 23, 2005
change..
are changes good? caught up with jean today n realised that many of us have changed.. in terms of dressing, the friends we have, our mentality, personality, etc. i guess there can be good n bad changes.
as for me, what i've noticed n close friends have noticed about my change is that i seem to have more gal friends now than guy friends n i'm closer to these gal friends than the guy friends. i no longer play the field as i used to n i talk more to gals than guys nowadays. the only close guy friends i have now are basically ali n josh n mayb a few guy friends whom i've known for quite long. is that considered a good change? not very sure but to most people, it should be a good change. at least i won't be labelled a flirt anymore. haha.
i'm sure people change for a reason, be it good or bad. my sec close friend has changed so much in her attitude n outlook of life that i feel as if i don't know her anymore. the change is simply too drastic for me to accept. i don't know what's the reason behind her change but i'm sure there must be a reason for it.
when a person changes, it's definitely not up to us to judge whether it's good or bad. who are we to judge another person? but when we don't feel comfortable with that person's change, we will assume and feel that it is bad. if that person sees nothing wrong with his/her change, i guess there's nothing much that we can do. we can only accept the person's change n life just carries on.
so, are changes good or bad?
magz [11:12 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, January 22, 2005
happy bday diana!!!
to my dearez diana, wanna wish u a very happy bday!! nearly forgot about it til my bday reminder alarm rang. so sorry. hope u enjoyed urself on ur bday n i'll pass u ur present when i c u. it's from me, tom, lin, jessie n mel. hope u like what i chose coz if u don't, then too bad!!! haha. u can alwiz give me back coz i liked it myself. haha. kidding. but if u don't like the design, i'll bring u to choose another one within 14 days k? *hugz*
to my lao gong del del, it's been so long since i last saw u n chatted with u. sorry i couldn't meet u all today coz i booked my appointment to colour my hair. hope to c u real soon n to catch up with u. miss u so much!!!!!!!!!!!!!! miss the good old days when we will always eat lunch together n we always treat each other to lunch. haha. still remember the time when u forgot that we were to go for lunch together n i drew a RIP graveyard on the council room whiteboard. haha. :) it's been so long...
to jiehui, thanx for the bday present. sorry to trouble u to bring it up to my place. :) our friendship has really withstood the test of time. it's been more than a decade of friendship for the 2 of us. u were the only one who could control me from losing my temper everytime. dunno how u manage to do it all the time. hehe. really really appreciate everything u've done for me n may our friendship last for many more decades to come. :p
n to my beloved di, love can't be forced. what's over is over. look to the future n move on k? i know i can do it. it takes time to forget but don't dwell on the past or keep looking back. i'll always be here for u.. anytime. i want to c my good old di back, not the sad one. i have faith n confidence in u. don't let me down k??
on to my life now.. work is slightly better now.. after i told my boss after 1 week that i don't find auditing suitable for me. he's a nice man.. being very patient with me when he teaches me n when i make careless mistakes. after i had a long talk with my boss, my colleagues seem to realise that i was unhappy working there n that i wanted to resign. now they're more friendly n nice so i guess work conditions are better. a little sad coz the only 1 person that i'm much closer to has moved to the office space behind mine instead of sitting next to me.. so i guess i'll be lonely again. sighz...
my cousin, jacqueline, will be flying to bangkok next week to work for 6 months.. must wish her all the best n to look after herself there.
i do miss the days at dbs.. i miss the people, the fun n laughter, the sense of togetherness n closeness. sighz.. wish i was back there working instead of where i m right now. oh ya, thanx mel!! for saving the biscuits for me. u r such a sweetie~ i miss arguing with u though. haha.
magz [10:25 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, January 12, 2005
broken vow
Broken Vow by Lara Fabian
Mmm…Tell me her name
I want to know
The way she looks
And where you go
I need to see her face
I need to understand
Why you and I came to an end
Tell me again I want to hear
Who broke my faith in all these years
Who lays with you at night
When I'm here all alone
Remembering when I was your own
I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
Tell me the words I never said
Show me the tears you never shed
Give me the touch
That one you promised to be mine
Or has it vanished for all time
I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow
I close my eyes
And dream of you and I
And then I realize
There's more to life than only bitterness and lies
I close my eyes
I'd give away my soul
To hold you once again
And never let this promise end
I'll let you go
I'll let you fly
Why do I keep on asking why
I'll let you go
Now that I found
A way to keep somehow
More than a broken vow, mmm
magz [9:16 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, January 03, 2005
1st day of work..
the 1st day of work at my new place sucked big time! the audit manager who interviewed me has resigned n left the workplace, went in at 9.. had meeting at 9.05am n the big boss started scolding the staff n talking about punctuality and goodness knows what else... don't really know what he's talking about anyway...
my desk is superbly dirty.. had to clean then i was made to change table.. need to clean my table again.. the computers all look obsolete.. haha. nobody talked to me n i was told to read a file n checked the computer to look for the forms.. ya.. i know how to use a freaking comp n look at the forms but nobody told me what the forms are for, what are the abbreviations,how i'm supposed to fill in the forms.. i was left sitting there n reading the file the whole day with absolutely no idea what's happening. god.. wish i was dead!!!
the only gd thing was.. u can listen to music while working.. but the problem is.. there's this girl who plays chinese folk songs by this local singer called liang wenfu quite loudly n the songs keep repeating!!! terrible... n the best part is... i'm the only singaporean doing auditing in the company!!! the rest are all malaysians and indonesians!!! i can't believe it.. i'm so left out.. everybody simply just treated me as if i was transparent.. i feel like quitting.. honestly i do.. don't know how long i can stand it there.. the maximum i'm giving myself is the 1st 6 months of the probation period.. after that, i'll change jobs.. must start looking for job again soon...
wonder how i'm going to survive there tomorrow.... sighz...
magz [9:18 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
