Monday, December 31, 2007

Happy Bday to Me!
Happy Bday to myself!!

magz [12:28 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, December 30, 2007

PS Cafe
Met Khim for dinner tonite and he brought me to PS Cafe at Dempsey. Another nice dinner with nice ambience and atmosphere. :) We sat outdoors, ordered a salad to share and a main each. I had bacon wrapped tenderloin while he had beef, mushroom and bacon ragout which was kinda like stew. Loved my main dish but was so full from just having the salad. We opened a bottle of Moscato as well. Love Moscato! Sweet white wine. Yummy!

Opened my present while on the way to Esplanade after dinner for a walk and to sit by the river. It's a DKNY watch! Thanx Khim! Whole area's blocked up which was kinda ugly. :( Not much of a view then. Sighz.. Was still coughing badly so didn't stay long.

Still considering if I should celebrate my bday at DF tomorrow. Not many people will be going and the entrance fee plus opening the bottles there tomorrow are quite expensive. Plus the fact that I do not know what time I'll be off work due to month end. Sighz.. Should I or should I not cancel? I wonder...

Guess I'll only decide tomorrow. Feeling so confused. :( But even if I go, don't think I'll stay too late but transport home will be a big headache. Anyways, 5 more mins to my bday...

magz [10:50 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Just Steak
Came back a while ago.. Had a good Saturday I must say. Slept til past noon, bathed and had lunch with JZ at Lavender (popular pig organ's soup). He, being such a pig, and seeing that we still had half an hour before my salsa class, wanted to go to Lavender Food Square for the famous wanton noodle. My goodness! He sure can eat!

magz [12:02 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, December 27, 2007

MC but Shopping?
On MC today but went out shopping with Bee at about 4+pm and just came home. Haha. Such a naughty girl I am. Haven't met her for more than a week now. Hopefully we will still be able to meet up just as often after she has started work. :)

The driver who sends me to work everyday, Mr Lim, was so concerned about me when I called him yesterday telling him that I won't be taking the van. Hehe. He's a very nice man actually. He even asked about my dad. So sweet of him. :p Appreciate it.

Oh ya, JZ passed his driving test today. YAY!!

Dunno why but my eyes are feeling tired. Hmmz... Think I shall go upload my pics and go sleep early. Tomorrow is back to work and I seriously doubt I can wake up. Haha.

magz [10:07 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, December 26, 2007

Went back to office in afternoon in the end. Worked til 7pm.. Sighz.. So much for being on MC. But I spent 1 hr talking to Joycelyn and Chris mama at about 3pm. Was very nice to catch up with my ex-boss again. We have always been very close like mother and daughter. She has been very nice to me all this while. Without her, I wouldn't be where I am in this office right now. Which is why I always appreciate her and put her close in my heart. Will never fail to buy her a bigger souvenir than the rest of the people whenever I go overseas.

Initially wanted to go back to office if I was feeling better tomorrow but Edmund gor called me while I was on the way home. Told me that Gopi's mum will be coming to Singapore for 3 days from 30 Dec for medical reasons. Sighz.. Which will mean that I might not be able to leave early for my bday coz there will only be me in the office. Sad... :(

Nothing I can do.. Can only work faster on that day and make sure I leave on the dot or as early as possible when I can finish my work. That's all I can hope for now. Joycelyn still remembers my bday and asked me for lunch together on that day. So sweet~! :)

magz [11:02 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

At this hour..
I think I must be crazy to be blogging at this hour. Haven't been able to sleep well the whole nite. Went to bed at 8.30pm after taking my medicine (24 hour clinic on a public holiday is expensive! $48 for consultation and $37 for medication!). Just as I was about to sleep, my bro-in-law called, followed by my grand aunt from Hong Kong, an sms from Evans, and another call from my sis!!! My god!! That tortured me til 10+ before I ws freed from all the calls and sms-es. Oh, come to think of it, not yet.. There were 2 delayed sms-es from Xmas Eve coming in at 11+ pm! Stupid mobile servers.

Tried to sleep but I've been waking up every half hour.. AGAIN!! Not sure why and I had already turned on the aircon to sleep for the 1st time in years. But yet, I couldn't sleep well. Thought I was better already but I took my temperature just now and it's 38.9 degrees!! AGAIN!! Similar like when I had HFMD. Omigod!! Now I'm really scared. Doc said there might be a chance for me to catch it again and I was like, NO!!! I don't want to!!! That torturous ordeal was sooooo difficult to get past and I don't wanna experience it ever again!! Sighz..

So what now? Sighz.. I think I might need to head to office to work later (though I'm on 2 days MC) as we are seriously shorthanded. With me away, there's only 1 maker to cover all 5 of us.. My mentor will be so dead. Hopefully I don't spread the fever to anyone in office and I'm definitely bringing my thermometer along with me. Having this perpetual headache ever since I had fever this morning. Sucky feeling.

Think I'm gonna wash up, drink some milk, take my medication again and try to sleep again. Hopefully I do better this time. Oh ya, I've got a few new 'toys' for Xmas this year. A new hair straightener to replace my old spoiling one and a Nintendo DS Lite! And 2 very beautiful and sweet handmade Xmas cards. The Nintendo is actually to keep me company on the long journey to the hospital daily to visit my dad. Cool! :p

Anyway, wanna thank Matt for the Xmas cum get well msg from US and to Felix as well. K.. Think the fever's getting worse. I should take medicine now...

magz [5:25 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, December 25, 2007

Sick on Xmas..
Such a lousy feeling to have.. To be sick on Xmas Day itself and not be able to go out. Wanna see doc but not sure if the clinic is opened. Sighz... Feeling real bad now.

Bodyaches and headache.. Feeling scared. I seriously hope it's not HFMD again. Once is enough. A 2nd time will just kill me. Speaking of which, the other time that I had HFMD, he bought dinner for me all the way from Parkway and when I said it wasn't enough, he went to buy me more. :) But that doesn't mean I wanna suffer thro this again. But I'm feeling the same kind of aches. Oh no! Fever's not that high yet though. Think I'm gonna wash up and take some medication before it gets worse.

How I wish I can have someone looking after me now.. Sighz.. It's always when u're sick that u're at the most vulnerable. Can't sleep yet don't wanna move. Aching even when I don't move. Similar symptoms. Really scared now. And I'm hungry... :(

I don't wanna fall sick....

magz [11:38 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Merry Xmas 2007!
Today is a day of mixed feelings. People close to me should know why, but I've said before.. Life has to move on.

Anyway, office was like a dead town today. So empty and quiet. Hardly any gift exchanges at all. This office is getting 'colder' and 'colder' as each day goes. Didn't have half day as there were some glitches at work but I managed to leave earlier than the normal 7pm. :)

Went to hospital to visit Dad and discovered that he had done his op. Nobody informed us! Sighz.. When I reached, Dad had only been out of the operating theater for an hour or so hence he was still sedated and drowsy. His blood is not clotting that well coz I could see the blood oozing out from his wound. Hurts me to see him like that but I know this is something he has to go thro in order to recover. Nurse told me not to stay around coz Dad won't be awake so soon. Left for dinner at aunt's place.

Was at Aunt's place the whole night. Just reached home only. Very very tired. Didn't sleep well at all last nite and I think I might be coming down with flu soon. Not good. Gonna rest more tonite. Pressies that my family gave me were what I wanted!! Everything! So happy!! :p Thanks guys!!

Some thoughts that I've always felt with regards to a relationship. Or rather, what I want in a relationship. I will emphasize on the point that I am who I am. Do NOT ask me to change coz it will only put me off. If u like me, then accept me the way I am. I don't see why I must change my character for anybody. Be it whether I am gentle or tomboy-ish. I'm not super ladylike and this has been me since the day I was born. Take it or leave it.

I am someone who likes to show my affection, especially if I like the person and if it can be developed further. I wish for my bf to hold my hand in public and not just leave me there. Don't come to me when you are drunk coz I am NOT the kind of person you are looking for, especially not when you are drunk. I hate it when men shows their egos and start wanting to show their prowess when they are drunk. Do NOT gimme your attitude when high/drunk coz I will show you mine as well.

There has been someone after me who has been making me a happy gal recently. I'm not sure how it will develop but all I want is to be happy. I hinted to my family today and they asked me why I didn't ask him over for dinner. I said that they won't like this guy coz of his outlook. But like what they told me today, their opinion does not matter. Looks and height does not matter (Although height does matter to me quite a bit.. At least he must be same height as me when I'm not wearing heels). What matters most is that he must love me, cherish me and care for me. He must not be a gambler, a womanizer and definitely not someone who will beat me up in future after drinking. He can look like a gangster (but is not one) but must treat me well. That's what I ask for as well. He must be able to love me for who I am, no matter what my character is like.

My cousin told me not to go for anyone just to fill the void in my heart in both the places of my dad and to find a man. I will not. I will not just go for anyone, but for the someone who is worthy of my love. :)

magz [12:46 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, December 23, 2007

RAT!!

magz [12:34 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, December 20, 2007

Dad's awake!
Wanted to update yesterday but only reached home at 2am. Had dinner with Howdy last nite. Wasn't feeling too good coz I think I had indigestion.. AGAIN! Wonder what's wrong with me. I know I ain't feeling that well recently. Been having heart palpitations for 2 days now and my ears can be blocked suddenly for no reason. Think it's just some minor problem coz I've had such symptoms before but was nothing serious. Getting accustomed. :)

Anyway, back to last nite. Went to visit Dad at hospital but Dad was sleeping so.. Howdy found out that I wasn't well during dinner and insisted that I get gastric pills but I felt better after we walked around a bit so I refused to buy. We went to K-Box at Toa Payoh for karaoke coz he wanted to de-stress and drink as well.

I think this is my 1st time that 2 people are going to KTV. Haha. The aircon was sooooo strong and both of us nearly froze! 1st time I went singing with him and I must say that he sings quite well. :) He was the one entertaining me the whole nite instead of the other way around. I seriously must thank him for being there for me throughout this period. Much as he 'suans' me and bullies me quite a bit, he has been making me laugh a lot too. :p

Have been sleeping only 5 hours a day regardless what time I sleep. Body clock seems a bit screwed. ARGH! I need sleep! Woke up at 7.30am this morning to go pray to gramp. Told gramp to bless Dad to recover soon. Then Uncle Charles wanted to have breakfast and we had to wait for half an hour for the food! The yong tau foo stall was featured in Makan Sutra recently (as I was informed by my family) and they wanted to try it out. Nothing fantastic at all! Duhz.

Visit gram and was chided by Aunt Mic coz all of us were late as we all went for breakfast. Sighz... Gram looked so happy to see us all. I was happy too! I like seeing gram happy! :) But she looked so sad to see us leave.. :( I didn't wanna go, but... Proceeded to Aunt Mic's place for lunch. Was sooo full that I could barely eat. Ate a bit, drank 2 glasses of the sparkling champagne that Ann & I brought back from Aussie land and had 2 bowls of soup. Been having quite a bit of soup recently (thanx to Howdy for loving to drink soup as well and to Khim for bringing me to places where I can get soup) and hence, pimples on my face are finally getting better. Yay!!!

Went to hospital to visit Dad and guess what!!! Dad opened his eyes!!! I'm sooooo happy!!! But Dad cried.. :_( We had to keep telling him not to cry and to be strong. Told him he is on the road to recovery and that he needs to stay strong to recover fast. Dad responded by nodding and shaking his head as well!! I asked him if he is a clever and handsome guy and he nodded his head. I asked him if I was a smart and pretty gal and he shook his head. Then I asked him if he is bullying me and he nodded his head. Hahahaha. :) Gramp must have heard my prayers this morning!! :D

Khim picked me up from shopping centre near hospital after that (while waiting for him to reach, I bought another Andy Lau cd!!) and we rushed back to my place to pick up my jacket. Then rushed to OUB Centre to change his SCV cable box. Rushed to watch "National Treasures" after that. Interesting show.

Rushed to hospital again to see Dad. Dad cried the moment I called him. Sighz.. Told him not to cry and not to be angry with himself or agitated. Told him to stay strong and he'll recover. I know Dad is stubborn (like me) and that his ego can be quite strong coz he turned away and refused to face me. Sighz... Promised to bring him to Bangkok when he recovers and he nodded his head.

Asked him if nurse said he was overweight and he nodded his head. Asked him if he'll go on diet and he nodded his head again. Asked him if he will quit smoking after this and he also nodded his head. Dad's finally learning to listen to what we tell him, after a very tough lesson. But I'm glad that at least he is learning. ^_^ Had to fight back my tears while I see Dad cry. Knowing how easy my tears can fall, it was a very difficult thing to do and I sobbed silently. Sighz.. But at least I feel better and am much happier to see Dad recovering after 1o days. :)

Just opened my letter box and trust me, being the master (mistress in my case) of the household is not easy. Definitely much harder when you have to pay your dad's bills as well. I need to pay property tax and tv license bills, Dad's mobile phone bill, the power supply bill, my credit card bills, wireless broadband bill and my own mobile phone bill. I am so gonna die.. Sighz... Can the sky drop money? Haha.

HK trip in Feb might be cancelled for me.. Coz both sis and I can't go together as there will be no one to look after Dad. So if Sis wanna go with hubby together with my aunts and cousins, then I'll stay behind. I can always go another time with my friends so it's not an issue for me. Up to her to decide for now.

Posted a song that when I cried when I 1st saw the MTV. Hope you guys like it too!

magz [10:08 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

溫嵐‧傻瓜

magz [10:08 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Tuesday, December 18, 2007

Grouch

magz [11:11 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thanx Howdy!
Today (or should I say yesterday coz it's past midnight) was a hectic day for me. Woke up in the morning and rushed to the hospital for a chance to talk to the docs. Dad's condition is still the same, no change at all. Wonder if it's good news or bad news. Have been hoping for an improvement these few days but I guess I just have to let nature take its course.

After chatting with the docs and informing them that I'd be starting work tomorrow (so that they can call me if there's anything urgent), I rushed to the business office to settle Dad's medical bill. Managed to clarify doubts about the paying arrangements and rushed back to Tampines for Felix's farewell lunch with my former department folks. Headed back to office with them to download and clear my mails before I start work tomorrow. Was intending to stay only 15-30 mins. I ended up being there for more than an hour. Sighz... So many mails!

Happened that Aunt Margaret was about to leave office as well so waited for her to take the train. Reached Balestier at 4.30pm sharp to meet Howdy for movie but he was late! Haha. Had to wait for him and missed quite a bit of the start of the show. But I'm not complaining coz he waited longer than I did.. He waited for me for an hour before he could have dinner coz I wanted to visit Dad 1st.

Had bak kut teh at Balestier with Howdy and sis. Think this is the 2nd or 3rd time they have met. The previous time(s) was/were many years ago. Upon counting, I realise I have known Howdy for 6 years now. How time flies!

Howdy came to my place to try his luck with fixing my TV. After an hour odd, we both gave up. It's a wasted effort. Sighz.. Tried fixing my room door too and we did so much only to realise that we were using the wrong set of keys to open my room door!!! Faint... Ok.. It's all coz I'm toot. I admit. Guess this will be another subject adding on to the list to be Howdy's suan-ing target. :p

Anyway, I'm grateful to him coming over to help me with my room cum house matters. Sometimes, a man is really needed for such stuff. Thanx JZ, for everything today!

Also thanks to Kuan and Xiu Xiu for calling me every night to make sure I am ok. Appreciate it lots!

magz [12:08 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, December 16, 2007

Ironic - Packing my room
I know I haven't been in the best of moods recently. And the person to bear the brunt of all my anger was Felix. I must apologise for my sudden outburst of anger. I know you care for me. Just that sometimes I flare up too easily. I'm sorry...

Spent the whole day packing Dad's room followed by my own room. Dad's room is more or less done except for some stuff that needs to be put in my room. For that to be done, I need to pack my room. My room is so cluttered with stuff right now, esp since I've brought the TV to my room. The way I arranged the furniture in my room initially is to make it look spacious, but now.. It looks so packed. No choice I guess. But with the TV in my room, you can be sure that I'm hardly out of my room now. Think I'll buy myself a mini kettle and put in my room. Then my room will be even more ideal. :p

I have finally managed to pack my wardrobe as well. Yes, at long last, I can see my wardrobe again and I'm not worried about clothes toppling over everytime I open the doors to my wardrobe. But, it looks so bare now that I think.. I need more clothes!!! Haha.

My room looks slightly neater too.. But still have loads to clear. Think I'll be spending most of my free time (if I never go out) to pack my room. Desperately need to get everything done since I've already started. Don't wanna waste my effort. The irony in life is how Dad used to keep telling me to pack my room and my wardrobe but I never got around to doing it. Now, he's not here to see and I've done a pretty good job. Sighz...

Anyway, visited Dad earlier. He's still pretty much the same, conscious yet unable to open his eyes. Dad's friend sms-ed him last nite and it was a lady I know too. Told her that Dad is in hospital and she went to visit him today. :p Someone passed away in the ICU when I was there. It was not a good moment. I felt sad for them too. Sighz..

Thanx to Khim for making his way down to the hospital to pick me up and have dinner with me. :)

Waiting for the laundry to be done and I can go sleep. So tired.. Khim said I look tired during dinner. I am tired.. In every aspect. Haven't had a good night's rest ever since I knew Dad was hospitalised. Been waking up in the middle of the night everyday. Hope I don't collapse due to lack of rest. But don't think I will. Been thro' worse times if I recall correctly. K.. Time for me to go finish packing my room for now and hang up the laundry and go zzz. Nitez all!

magz [11:26 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Saturday, December 15, 2007

Keeping me sane..
This post is to thank 2 very important people who kept me sane on a very boring Saturday.

Woke up this morning to pray with Ann, Aunt Mic, Ky and Uncle Charles. If praying can help my dad, I'll pray more. I'll do whatever it takes to get Dad back on the road of recovery.

1st person I must thank today - Alex aka "Xiu Xiu". This JC friend of mine has been extremely encouraging in a lot of ways. He even told another JC friend (CK) to meet up with me today! He puts me in place with the things he say. We have no worries about being direct with each other and simply speaking our minds to each other. I know I have to be less bitter and cynical about life and the people around me. I know I have to let go of such feelings in order to be a better person. I know I should not dwell on the things that people have let me down on. I will let go.. Slowly but surely.

Thanx for spending the afternoon with me, fixing my laptop and teaching me so much about my laptop. Most importantly, thanx for stopping me from scratching myself. For your info, I have cut my nails. :) So no worries about me scratching myself til I bleed. Thanx for the friendship and for your care! :p

2nd person I must thank today but who doesn't have my blog add - Howdy. A guy I got to know while playing pool in school during Uni Year 1 days. Our friendship started thro pool.. Can't remember how we exchanged numbers and got to know each other but somehow, I'm glad we did. He was there for me when I had hand, foot and mouth disease.. By buying dinner for me and when I said it wasn't enough to fill my tummy, he went out to buy more and came to my house a 2nd time. That was a touching moment.

Ever since he knew my dad has been hospitalised, he has been encouraging me daily via sms and msn. Knowing that I would be bored without my daily dosage of Hong Kong drama coz my dad is the one who rents it, he rushed to my place to pass me the discs that he just bought and even made sure that it could work properly before leaving. He even checked if I locked my gate. I know I'm blur.. :p

It's the little things that count and made me realise that there are friends out there who truly care about me. I will be strong so as not to let them down. I shall not dwell on the saddening truths of life but to stay optimistic and be happy with what I have, ie the close and true friends that I have. Without them, I dunno how I'm gonna go on or even move on.

An extra thank u to Keith papa who initially didn't know why I was sad yet send me a smiley face msn everyday without fail, just to cheer me up. Also to Meng, thanx for asking me daily if I have eaten and if I have been resting well despite the fact that he is still sick and in a faraway land. Also to Bee, who have messaged me almost everyday asking if I'm ok and if my dad is better. A special thank u to Shirley who messaged me from Sydney every day asking about my dad and myself. I truly appreciate it esp when she's so far away and the fact that we are only colleagues.

I should consider myself to be blessed.. With all the close friends I have around me, I don't need to worry or be sad coz I know I can count on them to be there for me in times of happiness and sadness. It's also thro such friends that I know I don't need to have a bf or guys who claim they love me to be by my side. Nothing beats having good friends. :)

K.. I shall end here. Keith papa is chasing me to sleep. :D See, the concern.. Hehe. Thanx papa!

magz [11:57 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Friday, December 14, 2007

Time to think..
In the end, I couldn't bring my ass to get moving to the hospital as I felt nauseous from the stupid headache. Glad that I'm feeling ok now. Waiting for my aunt to pick me up from home and go to the hospital together.


Not yet cried today. Think as the reality starts to gradually sink in, the tears will stop and it's time to think. What would be the best for my dad and myself as I'm the one who is impacted the most though I have an elder sis? The road to recovery for my dad will be a long one which will take months to at least a year. Hopefully he wakes up fast enough for the journey to begin. I've got to work and nobody will be home to take care of him.. So what's the best solution?


My aunts and I have considered hiring a maid or registered nurse but my dad is a big man (aka fat). Can the nurse manage? In the end, we've decided to put my dad in a nursing home (hopefully the same as gram so that it'll be easier for me). I'll visit dad on weekends same as gram. But now comes the money issue. Putting dad in a nursing home is definitely not cheap and the fact that my pay is seriously not that high (unlike what Felix likes to think - ie, my pay is way up there), this is gonna be a problem.


My only 2 options now are: (1) Rent out my dad's room as well for extra income, or (2) Rent out the whole house and I move to stay with my sis so that I can have more 'subsidy' to pay for dad's nursing home charges. I know that option 2 will be better for my sis and I but honestly, my sis is married and living with her hubby. Much as she has always wanted me to stay with her, I have never taken that option as I do not wanna be a burden to them and to be the 'lightbulb' or a source of their arguments in future.


But staying with so many strangers in the same house, I'm not sure I can get used to it. But I've stayed in this house for so long, I've got memories here and all the freedom that I want. Haven't discussed the 2 options with my sis yet and I'm in such a dilemma.. Sighz... Dunno what to do.


It's also through this incident that I know who my true friends really are and who truly loves and cares for me. The most touching moment should be when Matt called me this afternoon all the way from LA. It was so unexpected and yet, so sweet. For a friend whom I've only known since Mar or Apr this year, Matt has truly shown and demostrated what a true friend is. Thanx dear, for all the well wishes, encouragement and everything else u have shown and given to me as a friend! I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.

Of coz, there are other friends who have shown their care in 1 way or other. Like Meng who is so sick in Dubai yet encouraging me everytime he sees me online. Jean who messaged and called me asking if I need company. Thanx to Ben as well.. Can't remember when I gave u my blog add and never knew u actually do read. :) Love and care comes in different ways and everybody has their own life to lead. Who can really care about me in the long run? Like I was telling Zoey, I have become an orphan all of a sudden, left to fend for myself.

I have managed to see the real care from several people but not from guys who claim their love for me. Through this, I know who truly loves me and it's definitely not from such guys. What I want, I don't see in any of them. Do not tell me you love me when you don't even know how to truly care for me in times like this. Love is not like that, and love is definitely not anywhere in the priority list right now.

---------------------------------------------------------------------

Just came back from visiting my dad in the hospital. He's much better today! Finally he can hear us talking and respond by nodding his head. The nurse told me that my dad actually can open his eyes on and off today. Yay!!! It was such a comforting moment for me. Dad was so naughty! He kept lifting his head up, right hand and leg as well. Think he's restless and I know Dad's stubborn (I take after him on that). He heard us and he wanna get up but he can't coz of all the tubes and stuff. I'm soooo happy that at least my dad is finally more conscious. :) Nothing beats knowing my dad's better.

Talked to my sis and Ann (my cousin) about the 2 options. My sis said she would love to have me with her and that she won't interfere with my freedom. Said I should rent out the whole house but lock up the master bedroom (aka my room). I'm considering the option. Like I said.. I don't think I can get used to living with total strangers in my house anyway. Ann said I could live with her as well. Everybody has been so kind to me. I know and I understand. I feel it.. But I'm so used to having my own place, my own room and toilet and stuff.. It's not easy for me to adapt. I think I need time to adjust and to adapt..

Who can understand how I feel? Who can know what I want? Does anybody even care? Will anybody be able to give me the advice that I need? Will anybody be able to give me the love, care and concern that I yearn for but never get? Will I ever be the same again?

magz [6:03 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Constant Headache
Having this constant dull ache in my head since Wed morning.. That was.. 2 days ago. Been having it all the way and today seems to be the worst so far. Can't seem to focus or bring myself to move. ARGH!

Better get my ass moving to the shower and to the hospital..

magz [10:35 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Thursday, December 13, 2007

Update on Dad
I think I look like a total wreck right now. Nose is peeling from being sun-burnt in Sydney by UV rays and not sun, and it looks reddish and blackish at the same time. I'm having some pimple outbreak on my cheeks. I look haggard and tired. Feels like I aged 10 years after 2 days. Sighz.. Still crying on and off. Teared on the MRT on the way to the hospital, teared in the office, cried at the hospital. Thought I would have run out of tears by now but apparently not yet.

Dad's bleeding is from the brain stem. It bleed once and further bleeding occurred while he was in hospital. Thank God he was in hospital when it happened a 2nd time and that it is only from 1 side of the brain stem. Apparently, the brain stem is a very critical part of the brain and it is the 1 part that cannot be operated on. His bleeding has stopped but he's still having fever from pneumonia.

Can't seem to erase the image of dad in hospital in my mind. It keeps playing itself right in my eyes and mind and the tears just flow out of my eyes uncontrollably. I wanna be strong but it's not easy. Losing my mum at 8, I don't wanna see my dad go so soon. Feeling so much like an orphan...

Saw a young girl whose mum is also in ICU. She didn't cry once. Think she's about 7 or 8 (same age as when I lost my mum). Overheard some aunties asking her if she loves her mum and telling her not wake mummy up. Not sure if the girl understands what's happening.. If she does, then all I can say is that she's definitely much much stronger than I am.

Wanna thank all the friends who have been really concerned about me though not many read my blog or have my blog address - Rach, Anne, Jean, Meng, Ed gor, Carissa mummy, Chris mama, Yaya, Bee, Felix, Ken, Agnes, Ali & Shirley from Sydney, Xiu Zheng, Matt, Howdy, Zubair, Shaun, Khim, Adrian, Alvin from KL, KK. Quite a few of you wanted to come hospital to visit but I told u guys not to. Seriously, the concern is good enough. Don't want u guys to see me crying myself crazy there.

Carissa mummy asked me today if I needed company or if I'm ok. I dunno the answer.. I'm definitely not that ok. Even if I need company, I don't want to trouble others or be a burden in any way. I know u guys care and it's enough for me. Don't wanna be crying in front of everybody also...

Once again, I feel myself changing.. In different ways. I am being forced to grow up further.. Which I will.

Saw this phrase on a bench in a park in Sydney. Will post the pic up when I'm more up to it. For now, here's the phrase..

"If your heart is in your dream, no request is too extreme. When you wish upon a star, your dreams come true." - For James Andrew Ahlers

I'll be wishing upon all the stars in the sky that I can see... For my dad to wake up and recover soon.. Nothing else is more important in my life right now other than this..

magz [8:49 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, December 12, 2007

Dad in ICU
Yes, I'm back in Singapore after being in Sydney for 3 days, way before scheduled. Wish there can be less drama in my life sometimes. Received a call from my aunt telling me that my dad has been hospitalised in ICU and all I could do was cry in Sydney. Yes, I cried there and then right smack in the middle of the shopping mall. Called the airlines to change my flight to the earliest possible and all they could tell me was that there were no available seats on any of the flights other than the one I booked.

Never felt more helpless in my life before. Thank God for an aunt working in the airline company who managed to squeeze me in for a flight back to Singapore today. Reached Singapore at 6pm and went to the hospital immediately. Cried upon seeing my dad and I still can't control my tears now. Much as I always scold him or quarrel with him, I don't like to see him like that now.

My dad is still in ICU. He has a stroke due to bleeding in the brain. Cause of bleeding is still unknown but could be due to high blood pressure. After being admitted, he had further bleeding. He's now in some sort of a coma where I think he can hear me calling him coz he became very agitated but couldn't open his eyes. He keep moving his right arm and leg but I can't seem to see any movement on the left side. Doc will be operating on him to put something at his throat to aid his breathing coz they can't depend on the ventilating tube. That is, provided his condition is stable.

All I can do now is to hope and pray that he recovers soon. And I know I need to stop crying. This happened to gramp before though I was too young to totally remember. Hope dad will be strong like gramp and can recover fast. Dunno how to face gram now.. I didn't take care of her most beloved son. Sighz.. Think I'll only visit gram when dad's ok. Hope that gramp and mummy will bless and look after dad from up above.

K.. I should stop crying and go do my laundry and stuff and sleep early. Haven't slept much for the last 2 days since I found out about dad. Look like a ghost right now. Yearning for company now but don't think much people will care anyways. I've got to learn to be more independent and strong than ever before. I will make sure I do that. And I haven't eaten since hours ago. I need to eat and get rest. I need to take care of myself before I can take care of anything else. I will be strong.

magz [9:06 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Saturday, December 08, 2007

Airport.. To Sydney..
Standing at the PC terminals before going to the boarding gates for my flight to Sydney.. Thought of blogging.. As usual.

Flight should be leaving in less than an hour. Realised I forgot to bring both my caps, 1 side of my earring is either lost or I forgot to wear it. I'm not sure where that side of my earring is. Hopefully it's at home. Sighz.. If I really dropped it, then it'll be the 2nd time that I drop my earring at an airport. ARGH!

Khim came to have breakfast with me though he reached home at 3+am this morning after going to DF. Sweet! Hehe. I ate a tiramisu cake but couldn't finish my coffee. Haha. Cya when I'm back!

Saw Adrian online last nite. As expected, we didn't have a chance to meet up before I leave Singapore. He told me last nite that he will be based in Singapore more so we can meet up more often. We'll see.

Dad hinted about having a credit card.. Told him I'll apply a supplementary card for him when I'm back but warned him against signing too much n that he has to pay his own bills. Hehe. I know he has always wanted a credit card. Treat it as a Xmas gift to my dad. :p

K.. I better go to my boarding gate and catch my forty winks! I'm so sleepy!!!! I need my 12 hour sleep!!!

magz [8:54 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sydney soon...
Flying off in another 8 hrs time I think. Just finished packing my luggage.. Except for toiletries coz I'll still be using them later. :p

Feeling that I have forgotten to bring something.. Shucks.. Always get this feeling. Hope I brought everything that I need.

Quick update coz I'm really tired and I don't have much time left to sleep. Attended Michelle's wedding earlier. Was a simple event but sweet. She looks very very different from office and she looks so happy. Happy for her!

Went to Instinct for a short while after the wedding. Didn't feel as close to the people like in the past. Maybe we have all changed. Anto said he hasn't been there much too. Guess we're all just too busy with our lives.

K.. My eyes simply refuse to open for another second longer. I seriously lack sleep so I'm gonna hit the sack and wake up early for last minute packing and checking just in case. Nitez all and hopefully I get to use the comp in Sydney. Else, the next blog will be at least 9 days later. Tata and take care all!

P.S: Happy Bday in advance to Tom! Will find u a pressie from Aussie. Hope u have a smashing bday and have fun!

magz [1:55 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Friday, December 07, 2007

Change in Hairstyle!
Heard from Xiao Di about some stuff today. Don't wanna elaborate but all I wanna say is that the person who has been lying to me is lying to everyone else. Not sure why and I don't care why anymore. None of my problem anyway.



Had lunch with Sonny yesterday. 1st time having lunch with him though he's joined our dept for a month now. Never had the chance til yesterday when it was raining n he was crossing the road without an umbrella. He was being interrogated by Rach, Agnes and me. Haha. Poor thing. But he's easy to talk to. :)



During lunch today, we were talking about dinner and I have found someone who can have dinner with me! Xiao Di!!! Coz we end work late and by the time he travels home, it's 8+ so he normally eats before going back. Think I can eat with him and Rach before going home. :p Yay!



Took half day leave today to change my image. Went to straighten my hair and colour it brown. Think most people haven't seen me with straight hair before coz I have got curly hair for 1 year plus already. :p Look ok?



Met up with Felix, Bee and Chris Yeo at DF. Guess I will miss the 2 of them when I leave. Love this pic so much!

Pity Yutaki wasn't around coz he had something on. Sighz... I took many videos and pics of the singers and performances. Have uploaded to my laptop but yet to upload to website. Will post the link when all's done, same for my Egypt trip pics. Have uploaded my Egypt trip pics on the website but yet to label them. Maybe I'll do all these when I'm back from Sydney. Speaking of which, I have yet to charge my digicam. Hmmz..



K.. Time to stop. It's 1.19am already! Another nite of sleeping at 2am. Sighz.. It's been like that the whole week. I'm sooooo tired.... Need to attend wedding tomorrow...

magz [12:37 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Wednesday, December 05, 2007

Coincidence?
Been meaning to blog but have been so tied up with everything.. Packing my luggage, etc etc. Feeling so sleepy now so gonna make this post a quick one coz I promised to help Matt with his blog as well.

Went to Adam Road for prawn noodle with Bee and Felix on Monday nite. While queueing up to buy, I noticed that the guy helping out at the prawn noodle stall looked familiar. Thought of asking him if he was the waiter at DF but he beat me to it. Haha. Yes, he is the same person! I happened to have asked for his age last Thurs when I was at DF and he could recognise me. :) Such a coincidence!

Had dinner with Rachel and Felix last nite at the market opposite my house. Both Bee and Rachel have fallen sick. Poor Rachel.. She wanted to eat dinner together but yet was so sick to eat. Sighz.. Felt bad that she had to make herself join us though she was unwell. Glad she's better now. Been some time since I last had dinner with her. Nowadays, it's Bee, Felix and I. At times, Yaya aka Ting will join us. These dinner gatherings will be lesser in future. Sighz.. But Rach and I have decided to do dinner more often either outside or at her place. Else, I'll have to drag Khim out for dinner. Hahaha.

Had salsa tonite. Didn't do well. Super off form today. Wasn't in the mood to begin with plus the fact that I'm way too tired.. Sighz.. Haven't been getting enough sleep and the weather is just so fantastic to snooze forever. I'm such an idiot for not making full use of it. Haha. Was sort of criticised by Ricky a lot but I simply couldn't bring myself to that same level of energy as last week. :( Must work harder when I'm back. Will practise more often even if it's by myself.

Had 2nd dinner with Shon last nite actually. He bought a new car and picked me up. Went for drinks and pool after that. All his fault for wanting to finish his bottle of Jack Daniels, causing me to be so tired today. :D I'm so evil.. Putting the blame on others.

Adrian's back in Singapore. Not sure for long but I don't think we'll have a chance to meet up, as per usual. Nothing new to me anymore. He's always too busy. Give up on hoping to meet up.

K.. I better end here. Gonna look at the blogskins that Matt has found and help him decide. Then I'm gonna help him make his blog into a nice looking one. :) 2 years plus since I did mine to look like this. Took me 1 whole Sunday to fix it up. Hopefully I am still as good as that time. Haha. I just re-did the music on my blog anyway. A song that I'm currently pretty much into now.. "Illegal". Another 2 songs that I like but so far only have 1 - "Mr Lonely".. Still trying to look for the other song which is actually an old song.. "Dying inside to hold you". Thinking of putting something like a media player or jukebox in my blog. Will check it out and do it up when I have time.

Speaking of which, I have yet to put up and label my pics from my HK, Shanghai and Egypt trip.. All which I took this year! SHUCKS! I'm such a slacker.. I need more time!!! Sighz.. :(

magz [11:41 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Sunday, December 02, 2007

Congrats Stuart!
Time now is 6.43pm and I have only been awake for 2 hours! Haha. Yupz.. I woke up at 4.45pm today coz I slept at 4.30am this morning. Finally had my 12-hour beauty sleep. Feels so good! :p

Had a tiring day yesterday. Woke up early to attend Kelvin's baby shower. Met Chuan & Elwyn there as well. Been 2 months since I last saw them and chatted with them. I miss talking to Chuan the most. He used to sit beside me in office and we would talk about work, our jobs, whether we should change jobs, personal life, etc. He is so easy to talk to despite the age gap, maybe coz he is like a big child. Hehe. Was great catching up with them. :p

Headed to Orchard coz Bee wanted to shop initially. Reached town about 4pm and coz I felt a headache coming, I suggested buying coffee before we start. Ended up sitting at Starbucks for an hour resting, chatting and relaxing. Was a nice time. Somehow, although Bee, Felix and I meet up ever so often (1 week about 3-4 times), we never fail to have things to talk about. It's good to have such close friends. But the 2 of them are leaving.. I sure hope we can still be as close as ever.

Went to Vivocity after coffee coz I was supposed to meet Khim for dinner and DF to celebrate Rave's bday. I ended up shopping and buying myself a hp! Nokia 6500 slide! Haha. Yeah.. Time to change my hp after 3 years. Not that my old hp is spoilt.. But I've never used a hp for such a long time. My curent N70 is truly lasting and I'll still keep it. :)

Had dinner at Sakae at Harbourfront coz Sushi Tei was too crowded. Paid for dinner coz of some minor issues with the credit card thingy and we went for ice cream. Ice cream guy was not around so we decided to head for Ben & Jerry's. Walked past Iora and saw a nice skirt on the mannequin so went into the shop to try it on. Ended up buying it but paid for by Khim coz I paid for dinner. Haha. I bought a pair of pants as well.. Not easy to find pants that are fitting yet long enough for me. So, I decided to buy it. Big hole in my pocket!

Headed to DF and had fun! Was dancing throughout the nite from about 9.30pm onwards. Stood all the way til 4am and my legs hurt! Haha. New pair of heels and I was standing throughout. My goodness! But I totally enjoyed myself, esp when Yutaki said hi to me from the stage.. Smiled at me and sang all the songs I like. The ending part was the most fun where we put Rave and Florence (William Scorpion's friend) together. Yutaki was laughing away as well. It was truly an enjoyable night! :)

Just received a sms from 1 of my ex-bf, Stuart. He is getting married on 05 Jan 2008.. ROM and customary as well. After I broke up with him, I was with Tom. I ended up being single again and he ended up finding the right woman. I'm happy for him! His fiancee is also a public speaker like him and I guess they have a lot in common. Glad that he managed to find his better half. :) Don't think that I'll be invited to his wedding and even if I am, I don't think I'll go. Not very nice position to be in but I guess I'll send a gift to his office for them. It's the only thing I can do I guess. Sincerely wishing him a very very blissful wedding and say happy forever!

Josh is also getting married on 03 Jan but his will only be ROM. Customary will be on 03 Jan 2009. Wedding bells all over the place. I gotta attend a wedding on 07 Dec before I fly to Sydney as well. Congrats to all the happy couples! But I only hope that people won't ask me when will it be my turn again.

K.. Time to continue and resume focus on watching my Jerry Yen on Youtube. Hehe. Took me 2 hours to post this blog up coz I couldn't tear myself from the screen. I need a guy like him in either Meteor Garder or in Love Scar. The kind of love.. I think can only be found in shows.

magz [6:39 PM]

*will dreams come true one day?*

Saturday, December 01, 2007

So Sleepy..
Feeling so so sleepy.. Was having tea with Yaya, Bee and Felix at Holland V Coffee Club when Ann called me to say she was at Dragonfly. Didn't wanna go at 1st but seeing that it was her 1st time there, I went to meet her.

Met up with Khim, the 2 Desmonds and their friends. Shared table with them. Was quite fun, but short of Yutaki. Haha. Nah.. Just kidding about the Yutaki part. It was quite enjoyable. :)

The only bad thing was, I felt so bloated when I went to DF coz of the dinner that I ate. Had a couple of drinks and felt even more bloated. Puked when I came home. Feeling so much better now.. Indigestion.. My goodness!

Ending with another quote "Never take for granted every person close to your heart because you might wake up one day and realize that you have lost a diamond because you were too busy collecting stones."

K.. I'm so tired.. I need to sleep soon. Nitez!

magz [4:02 AM]

*will dreams come true one day?*