Friday, March 27, 2015
London Business Trip - Happy or Sad?
Everyone kept saying they envy me - Just joined this team for 1.5 months and I'm on a business trip to London for a week (21-28 Mar 2015). Taking business class flight on SQ for 12-14 hours, staying in service apartment and in such nice cooling weather as well. In some ways, yes it is nice and definitely worth the envy.. But to me.. It is nothing more than a torture. Not that I don't like London and I most certainly love taking airplanes especially SQ.. It's just that.. London/Europe was the 2nd last place we travelled to before I went into the coma and has always brought back fond memories of us coz it was the place I truly, totally fell in love with him and became submissive to him.
Not that I know why that happened. Maybe being in a Western world helped. I remember we were so in love then. Holding each other's hands the whole time or hugging each other. Cuddling together, little pecks on the cheeks/forehead/lips on and off as we walked. Being here right now is a torment to me as everywhere I walk, I remember all these details and how much I miss and yearn for him yet remembering that he is now happily with someone else. FML FML FML FML. That's all I can say. I'm just seriously not meant to have happiness in my life.
And the weirdest part of it all, I had to dream of Tom (longest bf I had before Roy) last night. Dreamt that he moved from his East Coast house to another place and I went to see him and his parents. He used to have 3 dogs - Venus, Planet and Cosmo and I dreamt that they have all passed away except Cosmo. :( Woke up feeling real sad and Tom is happily married in real life now anyway..
Seriously, how much more can a girl take? How much more cruel jokes do you want to play on me? Why can't you just take me away once and for all?? So tired.. So tired of it all... And somehow, I have been missing my mummy and daddy a lot these few days as well.. Can I join them pls?
magz [5:54 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, March 16, 2015
Cruel Joke?
Someone up there must love playing cruel jokes on me.. He wandered into my new office area today looking for 1 of the bosses.. Of all days, today... It would have been our 4.5 years today, if we were still together... As such is life.. Stop playing such cruel jokes on me pls... Just take me away..
magz [10:36 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, March 12, 2015
Missing..
So... It's official.. He has someone new in his life now. Had to pass him some letters on Monday. He does look happy and in bliss now. Time for me to move on? I wish I could but easier said than done isn't it? I can only wish him happiness from now on..
Looking at all the couples on the streets everyday.. I do miss having someone holding my hand, walking aimlessly around malls. I do miss having someone hug me or putting his hand around my waist.. I do miss having someone kiss me gently.. Wiping my tears away when I'm watching a sad show.. I do miss having someone comfort & console me when I'm stressed or unhappy.. I do miss chatting on the phone and smiling to myself like a silly girl.. I miss... too many things..
Will I ever find someone again? I wonder.. No one knows. Only time will tell. But how much time do I have left? Again, no one knows.. Life is too unpredictable..
magz [9:09 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, March 04, 2015
Hk 2015
Sigh... No longer know what to say.. 1st night in Hk yesterday and I dreamt of Eeyore again.. As if dreaming of him almost once or twice a week in Sg is not enough... What am I gonna do man? Sigh... And as I was putting the new amulet I got this year into my wallet just now, out came a photo of us being happy together.. And during dinner just now, grandaunt Keng kept asking me to get a bf and get married soon. :( I would have been happily married now had it not been coz of.... All I can say again is.. Fml... I'm just not meant or destined to have happiness in my life. Happiness eludes me.
Glad to be in Hk again this year though. Met my aging and ailing grandaunt again. I miss and love her heaps but it's not easy to get to meet her. :( met up with Keith Shiu earlier and had a great time with his twin boys again!! And his wife Victoria is expecting a baby girl due on May!! Sooo happy for them!!! Meeting Charlito tomorrow and Irene and Mardi on Friday. Then Ashley on Sat morning before I come back to my boring old sickening life in Sg again.. Can I be gone for good after that pls?
magz [11:07 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
