Sunday, May 24, 2009
Bintan 23-24 May 2009
Had a very much needed weekend getaway with the sun, sand and the sea - Bintan. Went with Bee, Felix and Eeyore. It was basically a very relaxing weekend where we simply chilled out, sat around, chatted, tanned, swam. I kayak-ed for the very 1st time and it was fun! :) Very enjoyable trip that I had!
What made the whole trip more enjoyable was the fact that gram teased me and smiled very happily when I visited her before I went Bintan. Made me very very pleased! I love seeing gram smile and that was something she hasn't done for very long. She hasn't spoken for almost a month and for her to even tease me, I felt worth it. :) Everything was made beautiful coz of her little action. ;p I'm a happy gal once again!
Very very tired now. Gotta go office early tomorrow morning coz I left office early on Fri nite without finishing my work. So time for me to hit the sack while I am still dreaming and smelling suntan lotion and the nice sea breeze at this moment. Can only wait for my next seaside trip again but wonder when it'll be..
magz [11:40 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, May 16, 2009
Heavy Heart..
Visited gram this morning. I came home with a very heavy heart. At 1 point in time, I actually teared at the medicare centre that gram is in. I couldn't control it.. Looking at how much my gram's condition has deteriorated, I really couldn't be strong. I couldn't hide my sadness.. Esp when I heard that she told my aunt's maid a few weeks ago that she saw my dad.Right at that moment, my tears started rolling down my cheeks..
The whole time I was there, I talked in gram's ears. I know that she heard me coz she reacted to what I said. Her actions told me that she's scared and afraid of something but she was unable to lemme know what she was afraid of. Was it my dad? She didn't open her eyes, refused to swallow or even drink the milk that was fed to her. She kept letting it trickle down her mouth. It was very disheartening..
We suspect that she's suffering from depression but we really dunno if we're right. How I wish I know how to help my gram.. How I wish I can do something. And I start regretting why I didn't study harder to fulfil my gram's and my ambition of being a doctor.. Coz if I had, I would be able to help her now. It jus saddens me and I wonder if I can contain my sadness to enjoy my weekend or be happy at Anne's housewarming later.
I'll try to control myself and stay strong..
magz [1:10 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, May 13, 2009
Worried..
A lot of people think that me, being without parents, should be very very carefree and that I have tonnes of money coz I don't have to give allowance to parents anymore. They think that I have a house of my own, I'm collecting rental = I am rich. Sorry to disappoint all, but I am not rich. The inside story of my life, I don't think I wanna share.
I still have my gram whom I give allowance to, whom I still worry about. My gram hasn't been doing well for about a month already. She's refusing to eat, refusing to even get out of bed. She hasn't been eating.. All she does is sleep. Even when we visit her, she refuses to open her eyes to look at us.
I really dunno what's wrong with gram. I'll visit her this Saturday and if she's really not good, we'll send her to the hospital. How the hospital can help, I really dunno coz gram is senile and if she doesn't even wanna look at anyone or talk to anyone, how is anyone able to help? Sighz..
Really at a lost as to what to do, or how I can even help my gram. Does visiting her help? I really dunno.. I don't want anything bad to happen to her.. I can't bear for her to leave me. It's only been a year since daddy left.. It's too soon if she goes..
Gram has always been my pillar of support. She took care of me and saw me grow up. She was the one who was extremely strict with me but build me to who I am today. If she goes, be prepared to see me devastated and destroyed. I'll be crushed to a point where I won't be able to recognise or know myself.
Pls pls.. Don't let this day come so soon.. I won't be able to take it..
magz [11:16 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Tuesday, May 12, 2009
Condolences to Leo & Family
Back from Leo's dad's wake. It saddens me to see my close friend, someone who's always chirpy and crappy, looking so down. When I reached, his eyes were swollen, his face was red, he looked tired and unhappy. I'm not surprised that he looked like that but somehow, my heart had a sudden aching. I felt his sadness as memories of my own dad's funeral came back to mine.
So many uni friends were there that it was almost a huge gathering. People I haven't seen since I graduated or seniors who graduated before me. We were all there. Leo's gf, Lisa, was also there. She's a very very nice girl. I think, she will be good for Leo. :) I'm happy that at least he has someone there for him.
Despite the troublesome journey there (MRT then bus then walk), it was worth the effort. Stayed for 3 hours and controlled my bladder for the whole 3 hours. Irvin was very nice to offer Jon & I a ride but Jon gave wrong directions, etc etc.. So I dropped off 2 bus stops away from my house and walked home. Bumped into Dilun on the walk home. :)
All in all, I think Leo will be ok. We had our normal super big long hug where I told him that he has to grow up. He was able to chide me and he was smiling a bit more about an hour or 2 after I arrived. Take care of urself Leo..
To my dearest Anne, read ur blog. Don't be upset. *HUGZ* Take care of urself too k? We'll catch up soon.
magz [11:25 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, May 11, 2009
1st Road Trip
Had a very good weekend I must say..
Fri: Went home straight after work to open the door for my part time cleaner. Played with my neighbour's grand-daughter before heading home. She is soooo friendly and cute! Love her big, round eyes! :) Waited for Eeyore to come home and after cleaner left, we had a quiet little nite by ourselves.
Watched "The Notebook" on my bed with a bowl of my fave caramel popcorn in the arms of Eeyore. The show.. is aboslutely fantastic and touching! Sooo captivating and I felt like the lead actress's life and character in the show is so much like mine. I teared at the end coz I started wondering if I'll ever find a guy like the lead actor in my life. Sighz... :_(
Sat: Showered, drove to Kallang to meet his friends for dinner. We were early n hungry so had yoghurt 1st. Nice! Called my aunt regarding gram's bday and I was sad to find out that gram's condition has deteriorated yet again. :(
Dinner at Mushroom Pot. Then rushed to watch Grasshoppers' concert. Poor Eeyore had to sit thro the whole concert without understanding what they were singing or talking. Felt bad for dragging him along but he didn't complain at all. Not once.. Which made me very very touched.
Right after the concert, we ran out of the indoor stadium to drive up to KL. My very 1st nite trip driving on our own! 1st half of the journey, I tried so hard to keep awake to talk to him but failed a few times. Then we had to stop coz we were out of petrol. Had coffee and chocs. Felt better and lasted the rest of the journey. :) Reached KL at 3+am..
Sun: Was supposed to surprise his mum for Mother's Day but found out that his gramp was in hospital and his mum had sprained her back. Visited his gramp at the hospital then had lunch with his parents, gram and his bro at a Chinese restaurant. Ordered shark's fin, fish head, veg, spare ribs and tofu. The whole meal only cost us S$10 per person!!!! Soooooo cheap!!!! It was unbelievable and we were all soooo full!!!
Drove to Strawberry Cafe for an iced coffee and dessert. So bloated I almost exploded. Haha. The guys wanted to play golf so the 3 youngsters drove to the golf course and the guys had some fun, not to mention, some blisters on their hand. Poor boys..
Dinner at the famous hokkien mee stall at Petaling Jaya. It was delicious albeit a bit too salty! Finally, craving satisfied! Now Eeyore owes me A&W the next time we get to KL. Hehehe. Started our journey home right after dinner and we chatted the whole 4 hours of the ride. :p
Soooo happy! Had a good weekend in and out of Singapore. Hehe.
But sad to receive news that Leo's dad passed away this morning. Leo, the guy who is always being crappy and lame, who cheers me up everytime...Wonder how he is coping.. Don't dare to sms him coz of his gf and I don't wanna make him sad. Shall attend the wake tomorrow and see how he is. Hope he's alright.. My deepest condolences..
magz [10:38 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, May 06, 2009
Who do I thank?
While showering, I suddenly thought of something and what I realised made me sad..
At weddings, the newly weds will thank their parents for bringing them up, etc etc. And I realised that if I ever get married, who will I thank? Will my parents hear me thanking them?
As Mother's Day draws nearer, my emotions start to stir yet again. Am I getting old coz my emotions are becoming sadder and more depressing each day? I gave flowers to the mothers in my office. But yet, I can't give my own mum anything..
19 years since she left me.. People who know her looks at me and tells me I look like her. They all say they see my mummy in me. They tell me that my mummy was pretty. My mummy will always be pretty in my heart. I know I am nowhere close compared to her.
Last week I was missing my dad.. This week, I am missing my mum.. It sucks to be an orphan..
magz [11:13 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, May 04, 2009
Lynette & Ze Ling's Wedding
The standard has been set for weddings. I really felt touched with the words said, the sweet moments and the song ZL sang for Lynette. It was a beautiful moment.. And it brought back memories..
I always tend to be more emotional during weddings. I'll think back on times and days when there are guys whom I thought I'll end up marrying or wanna marry. But at the end of the day, I'm still not married. At weddings, I'll feel like I'm gonna be left on the shelf somehow.
Weddings are supposed to be nice and romantic.. Should look on the bright side. Even if I'm left on the shelf, I still have my family and friends. :)
magz [7:58 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
