Monday, September 28, 2009
DVD Watching Weekend
16/09/09My 1 year anniversary with Eeyore. Woke up to a nice card and a Dior watch as pressie. Took half day leave to go for my medical checkup. But prior to leaving office, I received the below which made the whole office went "wow! what's the occasion?". *blush*
He accompanied me for my checkup. Then we went for a walk to Sim Lim Square where I finally bought a new digicam to replace the spoilt one. :p Went for dessert, then movie "Time Traveller's Wife" which I wanted to watch. Then dinner at the place where we went for our 1st date. ^.^
A simple day and nite but enough to make me touched and happy! :)
24/09/09The 4th day that Ting and Kat are in Singapore from Sydney. Went to Helipad for drinks. It's been a long long time since I drank much. Had 7 shots and a housepour. :p Reached home at 2am plus where I simply conked out.
25/09/09Eeyore went to Bali with the girls. I'm all alone in Singapore for the weekend. Met Zavien gor after years.. Ever since graduation. It was his bday and we went for a simple dinner plus pool. I still suck at it.. I think my skills are deteriorating. Gor had to keep giving me chances to win. :(
Happy bday to Zavien gor, Bee, Anson and Celine!
26/09/09 & 27/09/09Spent my weekend at home doing nothing but watch DVDs. Watched 恋空 (Sky of Love), a Japanese movie that was sooo touching that I kept crying. Then watched 恶作剧之吻 (It started with a kiss), a Taiwanese drama that is quite funny but sometimes touching. I like the male lead in the show!! :p DROOL! Hehehe.
But then again, coz of watching DVDs, I merely ate 10 Tim Tams in 2 days and I suffered bad gastric pain the whole of today. Even after taking gastric pills, it's not helping at all. :( Still feeling the pain on and off. Sighz..
28/09/09Realised that some friends take me as insignificant. They know, but they don't care. No reaction, no concern. I think I'm starting to see things clearly now, see who my true friends are. What I want and care about is not presents, not jus fun at gatherings. Who really care? Who really bother? I think I'm starting to see it now..
It saddens me coz I always treat my friends with my heart.. But...
My neighbour's grand daughter brightened my sad day though. She saw me from far when her dad carrying her was walking away from me. She kept pointing her little finger and hands at me, making noises for her dad to stop walking. When her dad finally stopped walking, she smiled.. A very bright and cheery smile that simply melted my heart. She recognises me! Even from far!
As her dad walked away, she kept waving bye to me. That is enough to make me happy. I'm not that hard to please. A simple action, a simple word of concern is enough to make me touched, make me happy. But why can't people who think they are my close friends do just that? I've showed my care and concern when I know about things.. Why is my friendship not reciprocated?
Don't wish to think anymore..
magz [10:19 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, September 14, 2009
09/09/09
On a very significant date of 09/09/09, my beloved Aunt Mic left us.. Ky and I were at her bedside encouraging her and chatting with her when she left us suddenly. It was a shocking moment for us and tears fell freely and continuously. She has left us for good.. To join my gramp, my daddy and my mummy.
It was a tiring week as we prepared for her funeral and the stuff to be done after. I have no complaints about it coz Aunt Mic was like my half mummy. She took care of me and supported my every decision. It was a week of crying as emotions took over everything else.
Til today, tears still well up in my eyes as and when I think of Aunt Mic. She's really done a lot for my family and me. :_( I really do miss her.. May she rest in peace and be free from sufferings, pain and illnesses from now on.
Thankful for the care and support given to me throughout the week. Special thanks to Eeyore who took leave to accompany me esp on the day that Aunt Mic left us. For staying at the wake til 2am every day despite having to work the next day. For crying together with me and tearing alone today when he thought of my aunt. For the love that he showered my family and I with. Thank u for simply being there!
Thanks to Cari mummy for helping me check my leave and the words of encouragement, Jean babe for going to the hospital to gimme support, Meng for the call, Eevon for the sms, Bee for coming to the funeral, Felix for coming to the funeral plus the very thick and tasty chrysanthemum tea that was much needed, Shuang for the very beautifully written blog post, Lynette for arranging my leave and cancelling my training, my dept for the trouble that I have given them the whole week, Cher for the encouragement today, BS for coming to the wake to accompany Eeyore upon my request and for the words of encouragement and support today.
My thanks are not in sequence as I'm thanking people who come to mind as I write this post. Thanks to Lynnie, Felix and Bee for allowing me to pull out of the Vietnam trip. Thank u to the people who still read my blog..
magz [10:11 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, September 07, 2009
Sleeping.. Unconscious..
Aunt Mic has been sleeping for the last 30 hours now. She refuses to wake up no matter how much I shout, scream and talk to her. She didn't move her eyes nor her limbs. She didn't give me a reaction at all.
All of us broke down today. Yes, we did.. It was tears, tears and more tears despite the fact that we were trying to be strong. It ain't easy.. Not easy for any of us. When her oxygen level was low, we wanted it to be high. But at that time, she was conscious. Now that her oxygen level is high, she's unconscious. I dunno which I prefer.. But of coz, I'll prefer it most if her oxygen level is high and she's conscious.
The next few days is gonna be tough. We will always maintain hope and be strong for her. We will always be there for her. Pls.. Pls jus let my aunt wake up and be ok once again.
magz [10:34 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, September 06, 2009
Nonsense I Heard
Someone told me last nite that he's living a day at a time and that pissed me off immediately. For the simple reason - You do not have a gf doesn't mean you will die. Living a day at a time is for people who is critically ill. Not having a freaking gf does not qualify u for that.
Why? Will u die without love or sex? It's obvious that u have not been thro hardships and have lived a smooth sailing life. Life is not just about having a gf or a bf. Start showing some care for others and for ur family. If u think not having a gf means u'll live life a day at a time, then pls.. Don't tell me. Coz it will only piss me off.
My aunt is struggling in the hospital, fighting to live, fighting to see her youngest daughter grad from uni. That is living a day at a time coz u never know what will happen tomorrow. Jus like I used to fear for my dad when he was in the hospital. He lived, a day at a time, fighting to survive. Not having a freaking gf won't kill u, so pls grow up!
I'm pissed and cynical. Yes, I am. I might have lost my parents, my life has never been smooth sailing and so is my family's. But I've never felt that I must be discouraged nor feel that I'll take life a day at a time. I live my life to the fullest. I care for people around me, especially my family. I won't allow people to look down on me or pity me coz I know there are others out there who's had tougher lives than me.
So pls, just grow up and be more mature. Coz I won't pity u jus coz u have no freaking gf. And by the way, I don't care if u read my blog and know that I'm talking about u, coz it's how I feel. If you don't like it, so be it. And if u wanna lose this friendship, then so be it too. Coz I'm only being honest.
magz [11:00 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, September 05, 2009
Cynical
Wish I could do more.. But there doesn't seem to be anything that I can do..
Aunt looked weaker today though her oxygen level does seem better. Not easy for my cousins and not easy for me too. I've always been a crybaby yet I know all of us have to be strong. More discoveries today but yet again, I shall keep to myself.
Massaged aunt's hands and legs while I was there, like how I used to help daddy massage. Aunt kept looking at me while I was doing it. She knows and I know that she knows. That's good enough for me.
Both my cousins have not been eating much and they puke after eating. It's not a good sign. Too stressed.. But who can blame them? It's just saddening. So I promised my little cousin that I'm gonna buy her something that she will like for her to eat. Hope it really can make them feel better. There's only so much I can do actually..
Eeyore was nice enough to wait in my aunt's room for me while I took a breather with my cousins for half an hour to ensure that they eat. No complaints, no grumbles. We were at the hospital for 3 hours plus today and he was jus there for me.
I know he had appointments to go Butter Factory tonite and Stef has asked us to go Sid's place for movie marathon but I'm seriously not up to such stuff at the moment. I wanna club but I can't seem to find the mood to do it. I feel bad for letting him down but he said he won't go without me tonite (he went clubbing last nite anyway). Not that I'm complaining.. I don't feel good that he's unable to have fun. Kept asking him to go but he doesn't want to.
Can't bring myself to have fun now. Can't seem to be able to talk to people properly. Becoming too cynical with life and things, flaring up too easily. I need to relax..
PS: Thanx Jess, for the sweet blog post. :)
magz [11:41 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Upside Down
While everyone was wishing me Happy Friday or have a good weekend ahead and I replied accordingly, I didn't feel that happy after all. I'm sorry.. I can't bring myself to be happy at the moment.
My world seemed to have turned upside down in a day. I found out some stuff tonite that made me feel burdened. I can't tell anyone and I don't think I should tell anyone what I discovered. But it made me sad, it made me cranky. I was stunned into silence. Couldn't think of anything to say in response to what I heard, unable to find any excuses or reasonable explanation for that person's behaviour. I was dumbfolded.
I think I'm screwing up my own life. I'm pissing people off too easily. I'm sorry.. With too many things happening in my life and none of the things are good, I blow up at the slightest thing. I know.. I've gotta keep my emotions and temperament in control but somehow, I jus can't do it. Can't..
Cabbed again to visit Aunt Mic. TTSH.. Reminded me of those days where I would rush off work to visit my dad and I can't help but think of my fat old man. :( Made me feel worse and though I know I need to shake off that feeling, it's not gonna be easy. Aunt's condition.. I don't wish to say more. Let's just take it 1 day at a time..
Attended maternal gramp's wake. Somehow, I felt guilty for failing to show filial piety. I felt distant from my mum's family. It's been 19 years.. The last I saw them was during my maternal grandma's funeral. That was quite a number of years back too. But we've never been close ever since mum passed away. 19 years of absence in my life is not easy to put back. Not that they try anyway..
Qn: Where can I find pomelo leaves by tomorrow morning?? By right, I need it now.. Damn!
magz [1:20 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, September 03, 2009
All in 1 Day
I'm tired.. Everything is happening at the same time. I can't seem to breathe.. Figuratively.
Received a sms from my cousin at 5pm today. Aunt Mic's been hospitalised. Ambulance was called. Rushed off work without finishing my stuff, without helping out. I feel bad. New structured deal today that we haven't seen before and everyone was trying to figure out the deal, yet.. All I did was grab my bag and leave for the hospital. I'll go in to office early tomorrow to sort it out, clear up as much as I can and take a half day off work to go hospital.
My maternal gramp passed away yesterday. Supposed to attend the wake tonite. Ended up.. I didn't go. Think I'll go tomorrow nite instead. But seriously, I'm not close to him or to anyone on my mum's side much as I love my mum to bits. But ever since mum passed away, they've never contacted me. I was only 8 then so there was no way I could have contacted them. All these years, I don't even know how they look anymore.
Supposed to go for my Vietnam trip discussion tonite as well. I'm simply too tired to go. I'm sorry.. I'm sorry if I even have to cancel on this trip. I'll be letting my own friends down this time if I have to cancel but I think they will understand my difficulties.
I think I wanna sleep soon..
magz [9:37 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
