Sunday, September 30, 2007
Care & Concern
Ok.. Changing my original 1st line. Guys tell me that they have a special feeling when they know me and that they find me to be the girl in their life. Someone they wanna get to know better and develop a relationship with.. Maybe marry. Yes, it makes me feel good.. Makes me happy to know that there are people out there who truly think the world of me.
But I can't help wondering.. What makes people think I'm special and that I'm the one? I have no idea.. I don't even know what I did to make guys like me. Is it based on looks? I'm not that pretty. Is it based on height which makes me more noticeable? There are many girls taller than me. I absolutely have no clue..
I feel that when guys are trying to woo a girl, they tend to neglect something.. Something called care and concern. After some time, care and concern no longer tend to exist. It's like, the guy used to call u 3 times a day.. And he stops calling for various reasons claiming to be busy. Then, it gets to a point that u start calling him and he finds you to be irritating or that you are checking on him.
Care and concern is out of the picture in time to come. Not a good feeling to girls. So guys, pls.. Treat girls better by showing more care and concern. Where are you when a girl needs you by her side? Do you even think of the girl from time to time? I wonder..
We are just a phone call away or even an sms away. There are so many forms of communication these days.. Sms, calls, msn, friendster, email, even the latest facebook. Show some care and concern for your loved ones today.. There aren't that many tomorrows coz you never know what might happen tomorrow.
Footnote: From Adrian who told me something meaningful after reading this post thro msn...
"It's always nice to receive a call or sms like 'how are you today', esp when you are having a bad day".. To add on to that, its is true.. Not only when u r having a bad day, but when u need to share your happiness and grievances, it is always good to receive that sort of sms from the person u like or love. Thanx Adrian for the inspirational thought! :)
magz [10:19 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Saturday, September 29, 2007
Not good enough..
Been wanting to blog the whole day. Didn't really feel happy today. Not sure why. But I'm glad that Agnes, Chris mama, Rachel, Irene, Celine n Winston made me laugh a lot during lunch today. Am also happy that Agnes, Chris mama, Rachel, Joey, Bee n Felix were able to make me laugh during supper just now. I'm thankful for the company I had today who were all cheering me up without knowing that I was down. Joey cracked so many funny jokes that I laughed til my tummy ached. Haha. I enjoyed myself tonite.
Dunno why I'm feeling down today. Maybe coz I haven't had enough sleep for weeks and I'm really really tired. Gonna head straight to bed after this post. I need my 12 hour sleep desperately.
Somehow, I've had this nagging feeling the whole day. Feel that I'm actually not good enough. Not good enough to love anybody or for anyone to love me, not good enough at work, not good enough to be a person in general. This feeling sucks and it really brings me down. When did I start having such low self-esteem? I wonder.. Sighz..
But ain't it true? Guys these days go for girls who are sweet, gentle, submissive, etc. Characters and qualities that I don't possess and don't think I'll ever possess. Never been that sort of girl and don't think I'll ever be. That makes me not good enough.
Not good enough at work.. Ya.. Always making mistakes, not good enough to be a leader in anyway or to even teach people. Too rash and impatient..
Not good enough at salsa.. Not smooth enough in my moves and that signature bounce when I walk is becoming a huge barrier in salsa. Trying hard to change that portion of me.. The only time when I don't bounce when I walk is when I'm down.. Sighz..
No matter how hard I try, how much I change, I don't think I'll ever be good enough.. I'll change for things that I know will make me a better person, but I don't wish to change for anyone. Which is why, I'll never be good enough.
I'm just not good enough..
magz [1:27 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Wednesday, September 26, 2007
Anson & Xhann
Went drinking on Monday nite to celebrate Dave's bday. As always, I had lots of fun n booze. Haha. Getting closer n closer to the regular gang of Rich, Anto, Ben, etc. Jasmine just called me to go down tonite but am too tired to drink. Had a slight hangover on Tues morning while I was in office probably due to the lack of sleep as well as I went to bed at 2+ and woke up at 6am to reach office by 7.30am. Thank god for the lime juice which solved the problem. :p Thanks to Felix too for helping me to buy and for sending me to office so early in the morning!
Attended Anson & Xhann's wedding last nite. Was really beautiful and romantic. They are really a couple made for each other. So perfect and matching. Sometimes, attending weddings make me think too much. The best part was, everybody started asking when would my turn be. Sighz.. It's still a long long way to go... Marriage.. Something that I yearn but no longer dare to ask for or think about. But their wedding was really well prepared and done. The pics were gorgeously taken at Krabi and they looked so happy and blissful that I can't stop myself from admiring n being envious. Congrats to the 2 of them and may they have a happy married life ahead!
Edmund gor, Alan and Chris received the email regarding CQEA award today. They have changed the name of the award to CSQEA and the award looks nicer than the one that I received. What saddens me most is that I missed the opportunity to shake my CCO's hand and go personally up the stage to collect my award. Sighz.. What's over can't be undone. But this is definitely something that I will regret for some time to come. But happy for the 3 of them! And thanx to their treat too! :)
Going to go buy salsa shows tomorrow after work before my salsa lesson starts. Salsa will now be on Tuesdays except for this week. But next Tues is Dragonfly's anniversary!! Sighz.. Guess I'll have to miss it. :(
K.. Gonna sleep soon. Very tired from sleeping at 2.30am every morning.. Nitez!
magz [11:37 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, September 23, 2007
Salsa Club
Haven't been blogging as much as I want to.. Sorry to be missing in action.
Been happy and busy lately. Maybe I know the reason for being happy. Maybe coz people have been treating me as a lady lately. Have had guys opening car doors for me before I get in the car and treating me so much like a princess that sometimes I'm afraid that I will be over pampered. Haha. But I like the feeling.. Really do.
Went to Salsa Club with Rachel, Cheryl, Felix and Chris Yeo on Fri as arranged with Ricky, our salsa instructor. Lynn and ah Bee joined us later. Wanted to take a look at the place and the professional people dance. However, was dragged to the dance floor by Ricky twice. He even asked his other instructor friend to dance with us gals. He taught us some hand movements whioch was interesting. Another guy approached me to dance with him when it was almost time for us to leave. I kept telling him that I was only a beginner but he still insisted that I tried. Stepped and bumped into him a few times which was pretty embarrassing. Haha. But I had so much fun. The only flaw was that I did not have dancing shoes and hence, was unable to turn or move smoothly. Seriously thinking of buying a pair of dancing shoes but wonder how much that will cost though...
Stayed overnight at Changi Village Hotel with Bee and Felix last nite to celebrate Bee's bday in advance. Went to Pulau Ubin for the very 1st time in my 24 years plus. Haha. Virgin trip.. We went to eat seafood dinner! Was fun and being the 1st time for Rachel, Lynn and I, we were fascinated by the things there. Felt a bit like kampong aka village areas and a bit like Bangkok. Haha. 'Twas fun! Enjoyed ourselves!
Came home from the hotel at about 1.30pm. Watched my vcds and booked tickets for "No Reservations" online. Watched the 4.15pm show at Bishan. Show was so-so but EK fell asleep for a while during the show. Haha. Show wasn't that exciting so I guess he was just bored. :p
Lotsa good shows on TV tonite! Andy Lau on TV right now and later, Constantine! Good show that I like! And Man U vs Chelsea!! So much happening but I thought of sleeping early tonite actually. How? Hmmz... Took a nap from 7+ til 8.30pm just now. Just finished my dinner. Should I sleep early or should I watch TV? Everybody's been scolding me for sleeping late every nite including weekends.. :(
Tomorrow's Dave's bday! Heading to his pub after work. MZ, my bro in law, might join me after his work. I still owe him money so it's good if he can come. Haha. Don't like to owe people money. Which is why I always clear my credit card bills after I pay for something. Haha. What's the point of having a credit card then right? Yeah.. I know.. But that's just me.
Ok.. Time for my TV shows! Hopefully I'll have more time to blog more often! :)
magz [9:04 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Thursday, September 20, 2007
Shorthanded..
Shorthanded in office these days.. Been working til late. Have been wanting to blog but haven't had the time. Can't remember what I wanted to blog about already. Sighz... Getting old.. Keep forgetting things nowadays.
Have been short changed in office. A bit pissed off but promised many people that I will stay in this department for 1 year and I will stick on with it. Can only say coz there are still many things for me to learn. Given my stubborn character, I think I'll be able to persevere on and stick it through.
Finally booked the tickets for my Egypt trip. Can only keep my fingers crossed that we have enough people who signed up for the package so that I can go on my trip. Can't wait for a well deserved break from work! Haha. I miss travelling, and I've never been out of Asia before besides to Australia. Hehe. Yay!!
Quite a lot of people have been saying that I seem more cheerful these days. I feel that way too! Much happier and lighter. Why not? Haha. Isn't it better to be happy than to be sad? ;p Someone I just got to know recently, Gil, said that I look like those people who will not show their sadness coz my outlook is happy by nature. Haha. Dunno how true that is but I know that I have been feeling happier these days and I like how I am right now.
K.. Talking to Bee on phone now.. Can't concentrate on thinking what I wanna write coz I'm too tired.. Til the next time..
magz [12:04 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Tuesday, September 04, 2007
Dragonfly on Tues
Dragonfly on Tues nite! COOL! Haha. Thanks to Felix for driving me down to open my free bottle of Hennessy before it gets forfeited. We were there for a while and we were so relaxed that we didn't wanna leave. :p Anyway, I enjoyed mself there tonite so once again, thanx Felix!
Had dinner with Bee and Felix after that. Was enjoyable. Chatted and discussed about 21 Sept where we will have a mini celebration for Bee's bday. :)
Today was not a very exciting or happy day for me but it was made much better after the trip to Dragonfly and some sms-es from young boy Tony. Haha. Young boys these days.. Made my day though by cheering me up. I feel old. :D
So overall, today was not that bad after all. Plus an sms from Jean dearest. Thanx babe!
magz [10:56 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Monday, September 03, 2007
I'm not a fool..
I'm not stupid, neither am I a fool. Don't lie to me and tell me things when I know they aren't true. Just tell me the truth. I'm not dumb. I can sense it when things are not right. Do I look stupid to u? I may not have graduated from a local Uni, may not have 2nd upper class honours, but that does not make me dumb nor stupid nor any less clever than others.
Whatever. Lie to me. Treat me as an idiot. Maybe I am. A klutz, a donkey, an airhead, a numskull, a blockhead, an ass, a dodo, a dimwit, a goon, a dumbbell, a dumdum. Whatever. So be it.
The only 2 things that managed to brighten up my day was the fact that the minute I reached office, I saw a note from my beloved princess, Bernicia. Haven't seen my little sis for ages and it was really great to see her note 1st thing in the morning. Was sweet and nice. Miss my little dearest.
2nd thing was that Meng actually read my previous post and sms-ed me from Dubai. Thanx bro! Wish I can go Dubai.. But sighz.. How does Dec sound to u? Provided I still have $$ after my Egypt trip in Oct. Hehe. Wish I can meet up with u and just relax, just like we always do when we hang out. Missing those beautiful Saturday mornings at MacDonalds with Shuang.. Just the 3 of us chatting n laughing away. The fun we had.. The fun we still have when we go out. :)
So much anger and fury in me at being lied to. But what's there that I can do? I'm a moron, remember? My emotions do not count. Other people's emotions do.
It's just like how friendships come and go. I realised I'm no longer close to some of the people in office anymore. Which is why I'm becoming more and more of a loner. I know the only true friends I have in office are Zoey, Bee and Felix. The rest are merely acquaintances who just come and go in my life. No one is there to stay forever. This much I believe in. No matter how close u were in the past, talking everyday on the phone, hanging out together, etc. Things will change eventually.
Not sure if the people I'm talking about in this post still read my blog and even know who I am talking about. But whatever. I'm just an imbecile typing this post who no longer wanna care about what the world thinks or will do.
Not having much of an appetite these days. Been only eating 1 meal a day or at most 2 and most of the time, I skip dinner. Even if I eat, I don't eat much. I'm becoming immortal. Oh no, it's not immortal, it's stupidity.
Call me nincompoop.
magz [11:34 PM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
Sunday, September 02, 2007
Alone
People who know me well enough will know that I am someone who does not like to be alone, especially when it comes to going out alone or eating along. But somehow, I have been doing what I dread most. Haha.
Went to my friend's (Dave) pub this afternoon coz I was bored and he was waiting for the aircon service repair guy to resolve the leaking of water from the aircon. Had lunch there and went for movie with my cousins shortly after. Had pre-bday celebration for my sis after the movie and it was home for everybody.
Being bored n not wanting to be home so early on a Saturday nite, I went to Dave's pub again. But as it was night time and he had customers, I was alone the whole time. Of coz I know the staff working there and some of them chatted with me at my table but I was alone most of the time. And guess what, I was there for 3 hours. Haha. Unbelievable ya?
Have been finding solace and enjoying the solitude, peace and quiet. My 'mummy' has also said that I have been so quiet recently that she doesn't even know if I'm in office at all and it is so unlike me. I have to agree with that. Something in me has changed again and this time, the change is for me to be alone. I used to hate eating along. Now, I can sit at my desk and eat by myself. I hate to go out alone and yet, I spent 3 hours in a pub by myself.
I think the only time I talk a lot now is when I'm super high, kinda like last nite where I was talking to so many people. Before that, I was barely talking. I listen to people talk these days and I just keep quiet. All that there is in my mind now is work and booze, and to be quiet.
Edmund gor praised me yesterday for challenging the work process. We have streamlined 2 portions of my daily work process twice this week. I'm really happy about it! I even asked him about some work related things last nite and he explained it to me very clearly so that I can have a better understanding of things. It's good to know more coz what he explained was not something that by doing your normal work, you will know. It's more back end stuff relating to systems and I'm glad I asked him that question. :)
My hp has been off for the past 3 hours. Makes no difference to me whether it is on or off coz I don't get much calls or sms-es anyway. Just finished bathing and I'm going to bed. Very very tired and sleepy the whole day. Lack sleep. Nitez all!
magz [12:38 AM]
*will dreams come true one day?*
