When I Dream~

Feeling sooo tired. Couldn't sleep last nite. Don't ask why coz I dunno why either. Anyway, busy day at work with lots of system issues plus the month end. Before I knew it, it was lunch time. Bought back to office to eat and before I know it, it was time to start work again. The next time I knew it, it was 6.30pm already. Time just flew away. Not complaining coz it keeps me occupied but I'm really really tired.. Finished work at 9pm. Edmund gor allowed me to use my cab card to take cab home though it wasn't time yet. Thank God for that! Reached home within 15 minutes and I'm on my bed now. Yet to bathe and my room is still in a mess. Starting to feel hungry but I'm too dead to wanna move and get food. All I wanna do now is to die on my bed... Oops. I meant lie on my bed. Haha. Can't believe I can still be so crappy. Sighz.. Time to bathe..

Friday (29 March 2008) Seems like Edmund gor is leaving. Sense the vibes and from the things that Lynette and he have been saying. Don't feel good. Don't want him to leave. If he goes, so do I. Seriously. I'm not sure if anyone is qualified enough to take over his place. I doubt so, and definitely not me. Nobody is ever up to that standard. He's so much better than Lynette as a manager, maybe better than anybody else in the department. Sighz... The reason why I joined this department is coz of him. Don't think I can do without him in the department, hence if he leaves, I'll leave too. Met JZ at NTUC Tampines Mall after work. He had tummy ache so I shopped at NTUC while waiting for him. During the wait, I managed to pick so many things to buy that I spent more than $100. Haha. Yeah.. I can even shop at a supermarket and spend so much. I'm so crappy. Walked around Tampines basement and bought snacks. Bought food from Breadtalk, Taiwanese dessert (egg pudding w...

Unhappy at work today. Not sure if it's coz of stress, tiredness or what.. Something happened that made me unhappy as well. All added up and I cried while Edmund gor was explaining the new way of processing Futures to me. Maybe the unhappiness and tiredness made me unable to concentrate on what he was explaining. I felt more stressed and at that point in time, I really felt stupid. Felt that I couldn't do anything and that I was dumb. The minute the tears rolled down my cheeks, Edmund gor had a shock. Sighz.. I didn't expect that to happen either. And I don't wish for it to happen ever again. Emailed a few people to look out for vacancies for me. Even edited my resume right in front of Edmund gor. I know it's irrational and not a good thing to do but, at that moment, I simply couldn't care less. Now that it's all over, I know I shouldn't have done that. Will learn to keep my emotions and temperament in control. It's been a very bad day for me. Really...

Another post in the toilet. Shall not describe further. Hehe. Busy day today. Spent 2 hours searching for only USD 0.20. Wrote so many accounting entries that I felt I was back in school. Haha. Then, system was down. Took an hour for it to be up. Had to re-write the formula on the spreadsheet. Headed out for lunch 1st. Lunch at round market. Started to drizzle while walking there halfway. Ate Sarawak Kolo Mee. So-so only but a lot of ingredients for only $3. Money worth. Then bought dessert (cheng tng) back to office to eat. Had to re-write the formula for my spreadsheet. Took me another hour. Was never good with such stuff but it's a good learning experience. Frustrating thing was the posting of entries part. Didn't know that we can't pass entries between 2 different entities using the same batch and had to keep re-doing the formula on the spreadsheet and trying all ways and means to post the entries. By the time we figured everything out, it was 5pm! Rushed some other urg...

Not enough sleep. Not feeling pretty. Hehe. Lunch with Felix, Rachel & Celine at Old Airport Road today. Had a very delicious bowl of prawn noodles, a Belgium waffle with chocolate dip and 3 scoops of very very drool worthy ice cream!! 1st time I spent close to $15 at a market having lunch. But the desserts were simply superb!! Will definitely go back for more someday. Hehehe. Drool drool drool!!! :D~~~~~ Work was.. Somewhat busy. Err.. Can't remember what I did the whole day. Dunno how is passed also. Haha. Memory loss. :p Just reached home. Watching the last episode of my disc. Gonna start on new series soon. I'm hungry though! Need food!!! Food food!! But need to do laundry as well. Hehe. K.. Shall go do my stuff and eat! I'm a pig pig!

Jus home. Slurping on my Tom Yam cup noodles now. That's all I can think of. Love my room! Need new utensils. Can't think straight and type proper sentences. Busy day at work coz Gopi on medical leave after a holiday. Coincidence or what? Can only think of my noodles, bed, watching my disc n chatting with dear Matt. Haven't chatted with him in a long long while. Shall go chat chat. Tata!

Jus had my dinner of char kway teow and I'm lying on my bed already! Hehehe. I'm a pig!! He surprised me by volunteering to buy dinner for me coz normally, he won't especially since I'm just resting at home. But he called after his football today to say he's going for dinner with Ben and will buy for me. So sweet! Dinner came at 10pm but the timing doesn't really matter. What matters is, it eventually arrived. Just like how we have managed to get over the argument last week and be as sweet as ever. That's what matters to me now. He really did make me feel very very happy and loved the last 3 days coz he cared for me once again just as before. :)

Friday (21 March 2008) Prayed to Dad early in the morning with aunts, uncle, sis, cousins and nephew. After which, headed to Tanglin Country Club for American breakfast buffet. Was so filling that I didn't have lunch after that. Haha. Came home and had a short rest. Bathed and was about to leave my house to meet JZ when it started pouring so heavily. Sighz.. Hence, instead of meeting him at Tampines, I headed straight to his place as he was done with shopping for his niece's bday. He reached shortly after I arrived. :) So happy to see him again after a whole week!! Had dinner with his whole family at Hougang as it was his niece's bday. Told him that I'm not allowed to celebrate bday yet but he said it was jus dinner so it's ok. His family didn't mind as well. So nice of them! And they really treated me as part of their family. Like the feeling! His 2nd bro even kept asking us to get married soon. Faint.. A bit too soon!! All of us went for dessert at Ice Monster...

Home. No appointment initially but thanks to Bee and Rachel for accompanying me (the lonely one) to dinner. Haha. Ate at Lavender Food Court. Had prawn mee (my fave!), vegetables and cockles. Hehe. From wanting to take a cab back, I ended up taking bus and changing bus home. Haha. Save money! Work was hectic today. So many deals but so cool! Love to be busy! Makes the time pass faster. Haha. Nothing to blog about again. My life is boring these days. Oh ya, continued packing my room last nite. So proud of myself!! My table is soooo clean that I love it! So is my floor!! Haha. All the rubbish are gone!!! YAY!!! Left with the stuff on my dressing table that needs to be cleared now. Hehe. Soon soon! K.. Gotta end.. But before that, I must wish a very important person a very HAPPY BDAY!!!! He suits this bday lyrics "Happy Birthday to you, you are born in the zoo, with the elephants and tigers and a monkey like you." Coz he's MENG!!!! My very very very fantastic bro!! HAPPY BDA...

Thought of blogging a post of substance, but no inspiration at all. Sighz.. Must find a topic soon. :p Bored at work. Surfed net from 2pm til 6pm. So much so that I no longer know what to surf. Haha. Duhz.. Met Kwang di for dinner at Toa Payoh Central. Ate at Ichiban Sushi and I treated him. His business is having problems. Like Edmund gor says, I'm a small little rich girl now. Haha. Nonsense! But I've also been buying small treats for Mel to cheer her up. Hehe. As long as she eats, it's good enough for me. :p Stay happy girl! Walked home after dinner. 2 bus stops away. Have been some time since I last walked home in heels. Nice to have the time to relax and think about stuff. Think I've been too bored the whole day til I dunno what to blog about. Shall go watch my dvd instead. Tata!

Sitting at my toilet bowl naked typing this post. Hahaha. I must be crazy to write this out! :p Lalalala. Anyway, mood still not fantastic but better I guess. Whatever. DF last nite after work. Mel joined us for the 1st time. Yutaki waved at me the moment he stepped on the stage!!! Made my nite! Lalalala. Video-ed him dancing and singing 2 songs! COOL! Got high. Super high. Haha. All of us were coz we had to finish Bee's bottle of Chivas coz today was the expiry date and we didn't wanna waste her money. 3 hours and the whole bottle was emptied! We're good manz! Lalalala. Slept at 3.30am and I survived the day in office. I'm good! But was tired coz not many deals! So boring.. The boredom made me soooo sleepy. I hate to be bored. ARGH! Workaholic needs to do work!! Felix came to office and treated us to cakes coz it's his bday today. Hmmz.. Weird! His bday yet he treated us to cake. Hahaha. Had dinner with Bee and him at the crab place opposite my house. Again he trea...

Not in the mood. Bad mood actually. Company event to the zoo was ok. Went on well and I'm thankful for the good weather (no rain unlike the last few days). Other than that, nothing else I wanna say.

My moment of insecurity has hit.. Again!! Suddenly feel insecure and unsure about everything. At a loss... Started last nite.. I hate this feeling.. Hate this side of myself. Luckily this side of me doesn't appear too often. But now that it has, what should I do? Dunno.. Ignore me.. I'm being crazy..

Just back from dinner with Rachel, Bee and Felix. Been some time since we last had dinner together. :) Ate at Hong Lim Complex market. While waiting for Bee to finish work, Rachel and I headed to Liang Court Kinokuniya as Rachel wanted to buy a magazine from there. Raining so heavily the whole of today. Gloomy weather. Stayed in office for lunch. Think due to yesterday, something is wrong with my digestive system. Can't seem to digest food properly and I'm still so bloated now. Feeling very disgusted. Keep burping and it's the kind where I know I'll wanna puke. Eeewww... JZ's busy today. Hasn't really called or sms-ed me. Sighz.. Can't blame him or say anything coz I know it's not his fault. :( Ben and Adrian (JZ's friends) came to pass me some stuff today and drove me to Chinatown for my dinner. So nice of them!! And as always, they had to wait for me to knock off. Hehe. They are really nice and easy-going people. So easy to talk to! We always chat ...

Being sick when ur bf is not around sucks. Sighz... Woke up with this on and off sharp pain in my gastric/stomach area at 6am. Thought was just gastric pain and ignored it. Showered and headed to work, sms-ing Rachel to bring gastric pills for me. Never expected that the gastric medicine won't work. Plus the fact that I was starting to have diarrhoea. Sighz... Continued working til 11am where the pain was becoming more and more frequent and sharper and sharper. Couldn't take it anymore and went downstairs to look for the doctor. Really don't like the docs downstairs. Not very useful. Haha. But no choice. Went back to work at 11.4oam and asked the girls to buy lunch back for me. Christine mama bought for me as the rest went to round market for lunch. Had porridge and chatted with Christine mama during lunch. Nice to sit 1 to 1 for lunch and to chat to catch up though we lunch everyday. Continued working after lunch til 3pm. Took a cab home. By then, it was pouring so heavily...

Thought of being nice to Gopi and helping him with the new deals in the morning. But he pissed me off in the afternoon and hence, refused to help anymore. Hahaha. Evil me! Nothing much to talk about my day today except being pissed. Haha. Waited half an hour for the bus to come home! My goodness! Me's a bored and hungry girl now. Waiting for water to boil. Using my new electric dispensing pot! Gotta wait for the 1st pot of water to boil, then pour away and re-boil another pot before it can be used. Wonder how long it will take. Hmmz.. Shall go bathe whilst waiting. Watching my DVD as well. Got new DVDs!! JZ just told me that his bro-in-law managed to find and buy for me. Cool! I've got 4 shows to watch and some are more than 20 episodes. Will have to spend a lot of time watching my shows! Shan't waste any more time. Tata!

Irene's back at work today! So nice to have her back. 1 more person to chat with in office. Haha. Boring day at work. Not sure how I managed to spend my whole time in office. Haha. Somehow managed to get through the whole day. :p Had dinner with Adrian and Ben, without JZ. I miss my boy! Sighz.. But had a good time at dinner. Adrian and Ben are kinda like JZ. Made me laugh quite a bit. Hehe. Ate at East Coast Park. Had oyster omelette and satay beehoon (with hum of coz) and ice kachang. Shiokz!!! Then they sent me home and JZ called Adrian - video call. So nice to see my dear again!!! Had good news while I was in office. JZ can book out on Fri nite and next week, he will officially be back from reservist on Thurs instead of Sat. Yay!!! Can get to spend Good Friday with him!! So so happy!!! :))))) The moment he told me the news, I felt really happy and excited! ^o^ Ok.. Enough about my happiness. Hehe. Change of topic. Glad that I didn't hear the advertisement on quitting gambli...

Gathering at Stef's place. 1 word - fun! Laughed a lot and at the real live drama that went on. Haha. A huge heated argument between Von and the security guard. Was so funny! Can't help laughing though when it happened, all of us were pretty scared and worried. Hahaha. But it did make me smile and laugh a lot. Glad to meet up with the gals and to catch up again. Been more than a year since we all met up. The ironic thing is that we decided to meet up at my dad's wake. :X Stef cooked lunch for us! She made green chicken curry, salad and tofu. Plus the most delicious dessert - Crepe Suzette!!! Forgot to take pics of the wonderful lunch but here are the pics of the dessert. Such a fabulous time and lunch that we had!!! Thanx babes - Jean, Von & Stef!!! U gals rock! JZ sent me there and picked up when I told him I was done. He wanted to eat the fish head steamboat at Whampoa Market so I walked over from Stef's place. The phone conversation that we had made my unwilling...

Saturday (08 March 2008) JZ came back and we went to Siglap for lunch with his friend, Darren. Kinda happy that I'm slowly meeting up with his friends. :) Ate the dried mee pok that he likes a lot. Then walked to Haagen Dazs nearby for ice cream! Love ice cream!! Nice!!! Darren went back and we went to Parkway Parade to buy shaver for him to bring for reservist. Walked around there and looked at stuff til almost 7pm! Hahaha. Spent 3 hours plus there. Came back for him to shower and we went to the pasar malam (night market) at his place at 9.30pm. Walked the whole place, bought lotsa food from there and came back to his place to eat at 10.45pm. :p Sometimes, the things he say can really make my day.. He actually said I was his woman. Haha. So sweet! And his sis made bird's nest in the morning. Never thought that I would get a share coz in the past, when others make bird's nest, it was only for family members. Me, being a girlfriend only (although I was girlfriend for years),...

Friday (07 March 2008) Woke up to go to work. Not sure how I managed to achieve such a feat when I was sooo tired. Reached office and spent 2 hours clearing my mails. Totally forgot that there was eye screening and I didn't bring my specs. Still went for the screening and I passed it. Amazing! Went thro the whole day in a sort of daze. Kinda like everything, including myself, was going in clockwork. I just worked and worked.. Mind was a total blank. Had farewell lunch with Winston xiao di.. Think I'll miss having him around coz he's such a joker. But we'll definitely still meet up! Mel's having some relationship issues. Sighz.. Wish I can help but there's nothing much I can do coz I don't really know her bf. Just hope that she can be strong and get over this. She told me that if she were in my shoes, after going thro so much, she might not be able to live thro it.. My only stance is that after losing my mummy when I was 8, I was forced to grow up.. To be ind...

Woke up at 7.45am to settle Dad's and Mum's ashes and tablets. Only finished at 2pm. Tiring. Eyes were half closed while we were running around. Am really really drained.. Thanx to Felix for picking me and my family up and driving us around the whole day! Appreciate it! Headed to sis's place for a while after settling everything then headed to Centennial. Passed the sweets to Front Office. Then to TXC for a short while and went to Orchard with MZ to buy present and to buy a hotpot for myself. Went to Dave's pub for a while and seriously, I think I won't be heading there much anymore. Maybe never again. Very very distant feeling. Think the only person I still contact from there is Matthew. The rest.. Forget it. JZ picked us up and we headed to further down Beach Road for bak kut teh (pork rib soup). Ordered pig's knuckles, salted vegetables, eggs and mixed pork soup. Not too bad a meal. Dropped MZ home and we came back to my place. Packed my clothes for him to br...

Just came home from dinner with sis, bro-in-law (MZ) and JZ. Had a 2 hr plus nap til JZ came over to pick us up. Headed to Changi Village for sis to try the chicken chop hor fun. We had chilli crab, fried oyster omelette and dumpling soup as well. Loads of sugar cane juice too, though I ordered teh cino for myself instead. Hehe. Was a good dinner and a happy one too. We joked, we laughed, we had fun and teased one another. Relaxed atmosphere. We know life has to go on as per normal. We need to lead our lives again, just as before.. Before everything happened. Time really passes by so quickly. From the time I received the call that Dad was in hospital when I was in Sydney to rushing back to Singapore, visiting Dad almost daily at the hospital to the time when he was transferred to AMK Hospital for physio til now.. All this was almost 3 months ago. Looking back, it really seems like a dream. It's like a time warp. I have been doing things on a clockwork kind of basis that sometimes, ...

Reality has to set in somehow. Daddy was cremated this morning. Cried my heart out. I really did. Tears just flowed continuously, without control. Nothing hurts more than having a loved one leave.. I made him promises that I have yet to fulfil. That makes everything hurt even more. The feeling of false hopes.. I hope Daddy understands that I do want to fulfil them, just that I no longer have the chance to. Once again, I saw true friends who went out of the way to help me in every single way. Of coz, the most important person I must thank 1st (besides my family) will have to be JZ. He was with me on the day Daddy left me. From morning til night and til the next morning. He ran errands for me willingly with no complaints. He laughed at jokes and jibes about him without grumbling or even letting me know. I found out from my own cousin. He showed me his care, concern and love throughout this very emotional period of mine. He was my pillar of strength throughout. No matter how ugly I looked...

Been 2 days since I blogged. No time to blog. Funeral's still going. Will end tomorrow morning. I've been sleeping 3 hours a day for the last 2-3 days. I am ok. I cry, I laugh, I eat, I'm normal. It's just the feeling of emptiness. True friends make me touched. Partial breakdown, yes. Not total. I can only channel my energy to gram now. If 1 day she leaves me too, I'll have a total breakdown. Was telling Chris Yaw about it yesterday. I may be a jinx.. 1st, mummy left.. then gramp, then daddy, and gram's senile.. aunt has cancer.. People I stayed with hae either left me or are not well. Why? Life.. Cruel jokes on me again? I wonder... Nothing I can do to change life but to live on... Happily I hope. Don't ask me my plans. No plans. Life goes on as per normal, before all this happened. There's nothing I can do or change. The only thing I know now is to be strong. But how strong can a person be? I have my moments of weakness as well. So many people saw me c...

Daddy's gone.. To a far far away place.. Where now, only angels will look after him. Maybe Mummy and Gramp can look after him too, but I will not be able to do so anymore. Hospital called me this morning at 11.30am to say Dad was in a critical condition and they had no idea why coz he was doing so well. And by the time all of us reached hospital, he had left us. My tears have been rolling down since then and I've been unable to stop them from rolling down my cheeks. I no longer have control over them. They have their own life. So many things running through my mind.. How much I have worried about medical bills, about his recovery and where he would stay then.. What am I going to do after work from now on? I no longer have a routine. I'm lost.. Bewildered.. Then I start thinking about how I used to visit Dad in hospital. All the things that I had promised him in order to make him recover faster. Told him I will bring him to Bangkok when he's well, give him a supplementar...