Happy Times are Shortlived..
Tummyache now... Typing this in toilet with a numb left leg, TV on which is showing news about the latest Sichuan after quake news.. :(
Woke up at 8.30am to go for gram's bday brunch. Ate a lot coz cousins kept making me eat. I'm fat!!! And I'm trying to lose weight!!! Sighz.. Sooo hard...
Went shopping after that. Didn't buy anything today except for a new top from Gap to change out of the one I was wearing coz I dirtied it while eating earlier. The top costs only $15.75 after all the discounts and I bought it from the kids section of Gap. Yes, you are reading correctly. Kids section. Their clothes are simply tooooo big for me.. Kids section XXL fit nicely. Haha.
Had a caramel macchiato at Starbucks after I had changed with Peg and Ann. Finally left Orchard at 5.30pm. Was sooo tired. Lack sleep. And my mood was really down. I didn't call or sms him the whole day and he totally didn't call or sms me either. Til 7.30pm when I simply couldn't take it anymore. Had no appetite for dinner at Aunt Mic's place. Everybody was concerned. Didn't know how to answer my family whenever they asked me about me. I just let the topic go.. Ate a bit, finished up and sms-ed him. He replied. That's it.
Honestly, what am I to him? I feel like I'm being taken for granted. He used to say that now he's looking for a long term relationship, someone he's comfortable with and can settle down with. He's looking for a companion. I feel like I'm a companion when he needs one but when he doesn't, I'm being thrown 1 side. I'm sooo dispensable and not needed in his life. Then why am I still hanging on? I keep asking myself that question and I found no answer.
Was he there for me when I was sick? No. He even chided me for controlling my bladder causing my own infection. He didn't look for me at all when I was on mc. He even went to cut hair with his friend and the next day, to JB with his friend. Did he care when I injured my leg and they were swollen? No. He didn't even take a look at me but to say that I'm always so careless and clumsy yet I don't learn my lesson. Seriously, what kind of relationship am I in? I no longer know.. It has all seemed to change after the 1st 2 months of happiness. It's a bit too fast ain't it?
I know all along that he's an MCP and he's egoistical. But I am, after all, a girl. I need some care and concern. I haven't been getting any. I've been crying since a month ago coz I wasn't happy. He didn't even know. I've long been getting tired of not being cherished. But somehow, I'm still hanging in there and trying to be happy and easily satisfied when he does make me happy. Why am I torturing myself? I really dunno...
I am learning to live my life without him again. I will not take the initiative to care for him anymore. I'm tired of it. The better I treat him, the more he takes me for granted. It's time to be nonchalent and leave it to him. It's either make or break. I am not gonna make myself suffer again. I have my own life to lead, with or without him. And I know I can do it and do it well too. Life is too short to be overwhelmed by sadness. I will not be consumed by it. I will overcome it.
I'm thankful and grateful for great friends who care. Thanx to Steffy, Adrian and Carissa mummy. Adrian and Carissa mummy sms-ed me after reading my blog to cheer me on and to give me strength that I need. I know I am blessed with great friends which is why, even if I am to be single once again, I know I have the support that I will need. Plus my sis, whom I keep venting my bad mood on, yet keep msg-ing me sweet stuff to cheer me up and trying to keep me company though I keep rejecting her. I do appreciate it... Though I haven't been showing it.
Need to get myself together again. I will be the me that I know again. No mountain is too high to climb, no road to tough to go ahead. I will be strong.
Woke up at 8.30am to go for gram's bday brunch. Ate a lot coz cousins kept making me eat. I'm fat!!! And I'm trying to lose weight!!! Sighz.. Sooo hard...
Went shopping after that. Didn't buy anything today except for a new top from Gap to change out of the one I was wearing coz I dirtied it while eating earlier. The top costs only $15.75 after all the discounts and I bought it from the kids section of Gap. Yes, you are reading correctly. Kids section. Their clothes are simply tooooo big for me.. Kids section XXL fit nicely. Haha.
Had a caramel macchiato at Starbucks after I had changed with Peg and Ann. Finally left Orchard at 5.30pm. Was sooo tired. Lack sleep. And my mood was really down. I didn't call or sms him the whole day and he totally didn't call or sms me either. Til 7.30pm when I simply couldn't take it anymore. Had no appetite for dinner at Aunt Mic's place. Everybody was concerned. Didn't know how to answer my family whenever they asked me about me. I just let the topic go.. Ate a bit, finished up and sms-ed him. He replied. That's it.
Honestly, what am I to him? I feel like I'm being taken for granted. He used to say that now he's looking for a long term relationship, someone he's comfortable with and can settle down with. He's looking for a companion. I feel like I'm a companion when he needs one but when he doesn't, I'm being thrown 1 side. I'm sooo dispensable and not needed in his life. Then why am I still hanging on? I keep asking myself that question and I found no answer.
Was he there for me when I was sick? No. He even chided me for controlling my bladder causing my own infection. He didn't look for me at all when I was on mc. He even went to cut hair with his friend and the next day, to JB with his friend. Did he care when I injured my leg and they were swollen? No. He didn't even take a look at me but to say that I'm always so careless and clumsy yet I don't learn my lesson. Seriously, what kind of relationship am I in? I no longer know.. It has all seemed to change after the 1st 2 months of happiness. It's a bit too fast ain't it?
I know all along that he's an MCP and he's egoistical. But I am, after all, a girl. I need some care and concern. I haven't been getting any. I've been crying since a month ago coz I wasn't happy. He didn't even know. I've long been getting tired of not being cherished. But somehow, I'm still hanging in there and trying to be happy and easily satisfied when he does make me happy. Why am I torturing myself? I really dunno...
I am learning to live my life without him again. I will not take the initiative to care for him anymore. I'm tired of it. The better I treat him, the more he takes me for granted. It's time to be nonchalent and leave it to him. It's either make or break. I am not gonna make myself suffer again. I have my own life to lead, with or without him. And I know I can do it and do it well too. Life is too short to be overwhelmed by sadness. I will not be consumed by it. I will overcome it.
I'm thankful and grateful for great friends who care. Thanx to Steffy, Adrian and Carissa mummy. Adrian and Carissa mummy sms-ed me after reading my blog to cheer me on and to give me strength that I need. I know I am blessed with great friends which is why, even if I am to be single once again, I know I have the support that I will need. Plus my sis, whom I keep venting my bad mood on, yet keep msg-ing me sweet stuff to cheer me up and trying to keep me company though I keep rejecting her. I do appreciate it... Though I haven't been showing it.
Need to get myself together again. I will be the me that I know again. No mountain is too high to climb, no road to tough to go ahead. I will be strong.
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