When I Dream~

Frankly, I think I deserve better.. Sms-ed him if we were meeting over the weekend and his reply was "Can you don't ask me this sort of thing at this sort of time? I dunno what time I'll end work. U want to have ur own activity then go ahead." The very 1st sentence was enough to make me never ever sms or call him again. It was lunch time when I messaged him.. And all I asked was meet on Fri or Sat. It sucks.. Sucks to the core. What does he take me as? Forget it. Seriously, forget it. I deserve so much more.. So much better. When I'm busy, I still reply him nicely and this is what I get. I don't understand.. In what way have I not been good to him? He said he was busy these 2 weeks. I haven't called or sms-ed him for days and I didn't even dare ask for a call or sms from him. I simply allowed him to call or sms if he wants to or have the time to. And yet, it was.. Never. Not a call or sms. What am I to him? I keep asking myself this question the whole ...

Seriously, sometimes I wonder how such creepy and weird things can happen to me or am I just having some sort of bad luck? This morning, I burnt my finger before going to work. At work, I signed in to my pc and applications when suddenly Internet Explorer refused to load saying there's some error. Logged a ticket for the technology guy to help me with it and while waiting for the guy to call, I rebooted my comp. After the comp restarted, I clicked on Outlook and it wasn't working as well (with the same error message) so I got the guy to help me with it. He clicked on Explorer and it worked! Told him to try Outlook and it worked too!! He must be thinking that I'm dumb.. Sighz... Afternoon, I was bored and my drawer was a mess so I packed it and put the papers properly. Once again, finger was cut by the stapler bullet and bled like crazy. Sighz... Just when I thought everything would be ok, I went to the ladies. Washed my hands and waved at the sensor to get the hand tissue t...

Rushed thro work to go on leave in the afternoon. Had lunch at Canele with Matt and as always, the company was fantastic! Love his company everytime! He accompanied me the whole day and drove me around to run all my errands which was very very sweet of him. :) Met Heng Wee for a coffee for a short while to have a chat. He said I looked like I have BGR problems.. Is it that obvious? I wonder.. Amazingly, he called me just now. But it was coz his hp batt went flat and he was wondering if I called him. Told him I didn't and asked if he was home yet, if he had eaten and if he was still sick. He said he was home, ate in JB before coming back to Singapore and that he was still coughing though he's better now. Then he said he didn't feel like talking anymore so we hung up. The kind of conversations that we have sometimes make me can't help but wonder what sort of relationship we have. But today, I was actually not up set with the kind of conversation that we had. The normal me...

Work was as usual. Received my award at the dialogue session today but it was crappy coz they didn't present us with the letter and they left out a few of our names at the announcement, including mine! WTF!!!! Sighz... Such a total disappointment. Decided to give myself a half day break tomorrow. I need some time to think and enjoy myself. Maybe I'm being over-sensitive in this relationship. I dunno, no longer know and no longer wanna know. I shall just live my own life and see what goes on from there. Officially, we are still together but.. How many couples don't sms or call each other often? I think.. It's only gonna be an sms a day for us and that's it. Or maybe, not a single call or sms. I dunno.. I know everybody is concerned about me and has been wanting to meet me and accompany me. I appreciate all the thoughts, care and concern. I feel your love. It makes me very touched. Thank you all!!! You know who you are. All of the care and concern will be deeply cheri...

Closed off from love I didn't need the pain Once or twice was enough And it was all in vain Time starts to pass Before you know it you're frozen But something happened For the very first time with you My heart melts into the ground Found something true And everyone's looking round Thinking I'm going crazy But I don't care what they say I'm in love with you They try to pull me away But they don't know the truth My heart's crippled by the vein That I keep on closing You cut me open and I Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love I keep bleeding I keep, keep bleeding love Keep bleeding Keep, keep bleeding love You cut me open Trying hard not to hear But they talk so loud Their piercing sounds fill my ears Try to fill me with doubt Yet I know that the goal Is to keep me from falling But nothing's greater Than the rush that comes with your embrace And in this world of loneliness I see your face Yet everyone around me Thinks that I'm going crazy, maybe, m...

Tummyache now... Typing this in toilet with a numb left leg, TV on which is showing news about the latest Sichuan after quake news.. :( Woke up at 8.30am to go for gram's bday brunch. Ate a lot coz cousins kept making me eat. I'm fat!!! And I'm trying to lose weight!!! Sighz.. Sooo hard... Went shopping after that. Didn't buy anything today except for a new top from Gap to change out of the one I was wearing coz I dirtied it while eating earlier. The top costs only $15.75 after all the discounts and I bought it from the kids section of Gap. Yes, you are reading correctly. Kids section. Their clothes are simply tooooo big for me.. Kids section XXL fit nicely. Haha. Had a caramel macchiato at Starbucks after I had changed with Peg and Ann. Finally left Orchard at 5.30pm. Was sooo tired. Lack sleep. And my mood was really down. I didn't call or sms him the whole day and he totally didn't call or sms me either. Til 7.30pm when I simply couldn't take it anymore. ...

Another quick post coz I'm very tired now. 5am: Bedtime.. 10.30am: Alarm rang. 11am: Dragged my ass out of bed and washed up. 11.20am: Walked to Toa Payoh Central to buy stuff for JZ, took cab to his place, left the things at his doorstep, took the same cab home. 12.30pm: Home sweet home. 1pm: Slept. 4pm: Woke up for lunch bought over by Matt who was sooooo sweet to buy me food! 5.45pm: Met Bee in Orchard (I was 45 mins late). Shopped - I need retail therapy coz I'm not happy. Spent $300+ again!! Shucks!! I'm overspending big time. But I bought lotsa stuff and I'm happy with my purchases. Told Bee I'll post 2 of the things which I bought in this blog but I haven't taken the pics of them yet so that will have to wait when I'm less tired. 9.45pm: Felix picked Bee and I up from Taka for dinner. On the way to Geylang for dinner, I cried in the car coz I felt unappreciated. Bee said I was stupid to "invest" so much in this relationship that's why I...

Gonna type this real fast coz my eyes can barely open and I'm really tired... Work was ok. Received news that I'm receiving an award on Monday during CCO dialogue which made me have to attend. Bala, my ex-boss, nominated me. My dept now, Kelvin, Jerome & Alan are getting the same award and they were nominated by my boss now. Carissa mummy is also getting the award! YAY!!!! Dinner with Ed gor, Chuan, Bee, Yaya & Lynn. Farewell dinner for Ed gor. I'm sad but can't show it. I'll send him off next Sat though I think I might cry. Sighz.. I'm made of water.. I'll miss my gor soooooo much!! When he's around, everything goes smoothly and when I have any problems be it at work or personal, I know I can turn to him for help. Now.. It's gonna be so difficult. :((((( DF after dinner. Been 3 months since I was there. Yutaki still looks as good as ever, sings as well as ever. Boy, I miss that place and I realise that everytime someone ask me to go there, i...

Worked hard in office today. Dunno how I managed to get past the day when everything was kind of a blur to me. Dunno how I managed to do my work without any mistakes. Sometimes, I amaze myself. I lost the weight that I've gained recently by not eating dinner for the last 3 days. Tonite's dinner is... Chicken in a Biscuit!! Taste sooo good!! Yummy!! Forgot to give JZ his morning call today. 1st time that it totally slipped my mind til he woke up and sms-ed me. He called me during lunch time and his voice has already changed. He's finally fallen sick.. He said he would be buying ling yang (Chinese herbal tea) to drink but when I sms-ed him just now if he bought, he didn't reply. Stupid me only remembered about it when I reached Bedok bus stop.. That I could have bought for him and delivered to his place on my way home. Sighz... Knowing him, he would feel that I'm not concerned.. :( Maybe I think too much.. Shall not dwell on this.. I shall go take my bath...

Spent the whole morning helping Gopi to resolve Futures issues. Finally managed to resolve it and I'm glad to be the one who solved it. At least it proved my understanding. While Kelvin, Ed gor and I were trying to resolve the issue, Gopi was sitting there staring blankly at his computer. Made me kinda pissed. At least he said thanks.. That made me feel better but somehow, I wonder when he'll ever learn to resolve the issues on his own instead of always waiting for us to help him while he does nothing. Sighz... Worked hard in office. Nothing much to say there. Got disturbed by a guy while walking back to office after lunch and another time when I was walking home. Totally ignored those creeps. Did something silly today. I missed my bus stop on the way home by 2 bus stops. The 2nd stop was really far away and I ended in front of Raffles Institution which was in Bishan, in front of the temple where Gramp, Dad & Mum were.. I walked home from there. I realise that everytime I...

Busy day at work. Didn't eat dinner except for some potato chips. DVD keeps skipping. Pissing me off. Nothing much to blog about actually. I'm blabbing. Not very happy anyway. Dunno why I'm feeling down also. Heard a very nice phrase recently but can't remember. I'm getting old. Haven't been working on my job search. Starting to slack again. Shucks! I can't be like that!!! Sighz.. Too many things on my mind. I shall go work on my stuff. This is a nonsense post. My goodness! I'm crap!

Friday (16 May 2008) Office til 8+pm before JZ picked me up from office. Rushed to Parkway Parade to change money for the Genting trip then rushed back to his place. His bro-in-law n sis drove us to Army Market to have our dinner at 10pm and we ate quickly. Rushed to Golden Mile Complex to take the coach. The coach was simply awesome!!!!!! 1st class coach!!! It was like I was in an airplane with 1st class service including a cabin crew. Haha. Pics are in my sis's camera. Will upload when I have it. It's realllll cool!!! I'll only take the 1st class coach to Malaysia from now on. It's way fantastic! Slept thro most of the ride except for toilet breaks. Hehe. It was just too comfy for me to resist not to sleep. Hehe. Sis, MZ & JZ stayed awake thro'out the whole journey! So amazing! Got off the coach and it was soooo cold! Guess it was due to the time that we reached.. 5am in the morning with no hotel room!! Had to wait all the way til 12+pm before we had a room. W...

Did alignment for 30 confos today. Seriously, it's a waste of time but only 2 new deals today so I guess it made me occupied for the whole afternoon. Tomorrow's my career plan talk with my boss. Gut feeling is that I'll be made floater once the new guy comes in on 2 June and picks up options. Well, I'll accept whatever's thrown at me now since my only intention is to leave anyway. Realise that my bag can't fit in what I wanna bring for Genting trip. Am I bringing too much? Can't even remember which bag I used the last time I was there. Was it the same bag? Then how come it seems so full now?? Sighz.. Dunno what to do... Lots of sale going on but I didn't go for any. Been spending a lot recently. Need to cut down on my shopping. Had dinner at Sakae Novena followed by Andersen's ice cream, Fruit of the Forest flavour. It's realllll nice!! Love it!! Hope to be able to meet Shuang when I'm in Genting! Haven't seen her for ages!!! *Hugz*

Another headhunter called today. Thanx to Felix for introducing! Gave Irene's contact to the headhunter as well. Hopefully both of us get a job soon. Hehehe. Supposed to have a career path discussion on Fri. Not looking forward to it coz normally, what the management tells me is useless and I don't like what I hear most of the time. Hahaha. Whatever.. Shall just answer when needed and that's it. Not gonna say much during the discussion. Just get it over and done with. Surfed the net in office today coz no new deals again. Found some job openings that looked interesting but didn't really read thro them. Shall do it tomorrow if I have time. Not meeting JZ til Fri when we go Genting til Mon. Haven't been spending much time together lately. Will be good to get away. Do miss those days when we would spend more time with each other. Thought I had more to say in the afternoon when I couldn't blog. Shucks.. Now everything has slipped from my mind. Sighz.. Shall go sleep...

Saw the doc in the morning for my checkup and he gave me the bill to a clean slate of health once again!! So happy! We chatted like old friends and joked and laughed. :p He explained the causes of UTI to me and even explained the results of the test to me, bit by bit. Showed him the injured part of both legs and before I left his room, he said,"Try not to go around knocking into things too much ya?". Haha. Cute right my doc?? He looks good and and is nice too!!! Haha. We were laughing when I came out of his room and even said Bye to each other. :) Becoming pal-ly with each other. No new deals today so was quite free to clear up my backlog of emails and stuff. Tried doing the Nostro charges project but with no access to Corona, it was soooo tough and I had to keep disturbing Rachel to sign in for me and she was soo busy. Got pissed in the end and sent a mail to everyone saying I can't do it coz I've got no access. Haha. Gonna see what the big bosses say. Left office at...

Saturday (10 May 2008) Continued Collected crabs from Ang Mo Kio where the queue was already very very long. Headed back to JZ's elder sis's place and helped his nieces with the Mother's Day celebrations decor. Soon, almost everybody was back and dinner started. Ate quite a lot and drank a lot of the soup coz it tasted like what my family used to make. I like it!! Went back to his place with 1 of his nephews, Sherman. He's a very cute boy! They played PS3 while I napped. Haha. Headed back to his elder sis's place for cake. He flipped the papers and decided to watch movie. Instantly went online to book some more.. Headed to The Cathay to watch "Speed Racer". Quite a nice show.. When I saw the trailer, I thought it was a crap show but it was quite interesting and funny. :) Headed home after that, showered and both of us fell asleep almost immediately. Sunday (11 May 2008) Woke up and JZ wasn't home. Showered and he came back while I was bathing. Went out...

Friday (09 May 2008) Today is the day that I stepped foot into Citi for the 1st time to start work 3 years ago. 3 years later, I'm on medical leave on this day coz I think I deserve a break and I do not want to go to office. Plus, I'm still in pain so.. Haha. Woke up at 10+am, showered and went out for wanton mee. Then went to the sinseh with my friend before meeting Leo at Starbucks Liat Towers. Yes, I know I despise people who take MC to go out but I'm really sick but not so sick til I must stay home kind. Haha. Whatever. This is the kind of attitude I hold towards working in this office now anyway. I seriously no longer give a damn. Hahaha. Supposed to meet Leo at 3.15pm at Starbucks but as always, my dear friend was late.. For almost an hour this time! Haha. We chatted from 4pm to 8pm!! His friend, Erik, came along and he joined in. Then more and more of his friends ocame along. Haha. Esther came to pass him his bday pressie and it felt weird. I think she likes him. Oh ...

On MC in afternoon today and tomorrow. Am I glad to take it this time round! Don't have to go training tomorrow and for the department dinner too! Hahaha. I seriously don't give a damn now. Meeting Leo for coffee tomorrow afternoon. Kinda surprising that he msn-ed me just now to meet up. Even wanted to come over my place now but told him tomorrow would be better. :) I haven't seen hom since we graduated and haven't really chatted and caught up as well. I'm happy that we're meeting up! Yeah, I can still go out though I'm not feeling well. So what am I suffering from? Don't laugh at me or tease me about this. I'm quite shy to write this out actually. I'm suffering from urinary tract infection. Ok, pls don't come asking me how I got it or anything about this. Don't even remind me pls. I keep having the urge to go toilet the whole day. And it hurts when I go toilet. Sighz... Bad... Had fever as well and very bad body ache. Head feels heavy an...

Dunno how to describe my day at work today. Pretty crappy actually. Haha. Mel, Irene, Mahesh and I were so happy after lunch when there was no one else around except for the 4 of us. We laughed, talked and joked soooo much!! Dislike the times when others would be around, spoiling the fun and the mood. Super dilly dally at work today. Couldn't be bothered. Don't care anymore. Haha. Lunched at 12pm sharp. I left office with Irene though the rest weren't ready yet and we just sat at the foodcourt reserving seats and chatting away. Heck! I'm not gonna stay in the office manz! Hahaha. Worked til 8pm coz was waiting for JZ to pick me up for dinner. He gave me a box of chocs which his customer had given him. He passed me 5 Ferrero Rochers in a nice box. It's a new flavour and it taste real good!!! There's only 4 left coz I ate 1 on the way to dinner. Hehehe. Had dinner at Chomp Chomp coz he wanted to eat porridge. Think he's falling sick soon. Sighz.. :( He was q...

Never have I been more determined than today to leave this company! Really really pissed off this time, with my boss. Ed gor's departure to Shanghai has been announced today and I'm sad. Really sad to see him go. Promised Carissa mummy that I will try to stay on but after the announcement and what happened, I lost all interest and motivation to stay. Trust me, I'm not the only one who wants to leave. At least 4 of us wanna leave now. Good! I will love to see this department crumble. Coz it's all the fault of my idiotic boss. K... I'm determined to leave and I am searching the net for jobs. Yes, headhunt.com.sg.. Irene's helping to look out from newspapers and I've got Felix, Lynn and Dan helping me to find. Dan's gonna send my resume to a headhunter in HK to find me a job there. I don't mind working overseas but that will be the end of my relationship with JZ. Do I want that? I'm not sure.. Right now, my focus is on my career and the fact that I ...

Another nite of insomnia. It's happening every Sunday and it's so ridiculous that it's making me so sick and tired. Sighz.. Why can't I sleep on Sundays? What crap is this? Woke up at 5.30am to shower, prepare and went to work after having chwee kueh for breakfast. Not forgetting my cup of coffee. :p Reached office at 8am and it was busy busy busy til lunch at 1pm. Finished lunch by 1.20pm and it was back to office to work again. From then on, I took no notice of time and simply worked all the way til 7.20pm. What was a very busy, tiring and hectic day ended beautifully with good company for dinner and lotsa laughter. I enjoyed myself tonite! It was the best way to end the day! Gonna bathe and try to sleep early tonite. Hope I manage to fall asleep tonite. :)

Friday (02 May 2008) 9am - Work but printer server down. Logged ticket as all depts were affected. 10am - Printer up. Work was crazy coz 2 days worth of work. What sucked was the many issues and nobody was replying to mails. 12pm - Lunch with work half done. Couldn't care less. Needed food. Ran errands after that and ordered flowers delivery for both Aunt Mic and Aunt Marg to be delivered on Sun. 2pm - Moment I stepped into office, I saw Bala who told me to join a meeting. No choice. Had to go with work still half done. 3pm - Finally meeting ended. 3 hours more to go before movie screening with customers. Bad feeling.. 6pm - Going mad with the new deals and everything else. 4 new deals not done. Mel helped with 3 and I did 1 but had errors. Will continue on Monday. Hate Gopi coz he left without helping at all and he did only Futures month end and that was it. True blue Idiot! 7pm - The Cathay for movie with customers. JZ picked Irene and I up. Socialised with the dealers and finall...

Home from watching "Superheroes Movie" with JZ. The show was cut off at the ending portion and jumped from 1 scene to another, causing it not to be linked. Weird.. But was kinda funny and crappy. :) Woke up at 8.30am to visit gram and boy, was I tired! Stayed up til 5am to watch Chelsea vs Liverpool! Haven't visited gram in a long time and am I glad to visit her! I miss her!!!! My beloved gram who looked after me since I was born! I miss the good old granny who will scold me, nag at me and yet, spoil me! Sobz!! Came home and continued sleeping immediately. The moment my head touched the pillow, I was knocked out. Haha. Woke up at 1+pm to have lunch then continued to laze in bed for 2 hours! Yeah.. That's how tired and lazy I was... Showered at 4pm and left house at 5pm for coffee at TCC. Met JZ at 6.30pm at Suntec but while waiting for him, I saw my colleague, Kelvin with his baby Kayden. Kayden's sooooo cute!!!! Reminded me of Irene's baby boy, Xavier. Also c...

Jus reached home! Work was crazily busy today due to month end, issues, problems and new deals. Also for a lazy idiot who was taking his own sweet time to work. Can't be bothered about him anyway. Bala, my ex-dept boss, called me today to get my id number. Told mummy and she said it's for a good reason. I think he's nominating me for some award but I can't be sure. Speaking of award, it's been some time since I last had one. So far, I've got an award for process improvement, 2 for service quality, 1 for designing the office. 4 if I'm not wrong.. In 3 years. Won't mind adding more. Hahaha. Headhunter called me today in office to offer me a position. Told Ed gor and he said that I should demand for 50% increment. Haha. Too high.. I'm not at that standard yet. Will see how it goes. :p Today (30 April) is Daddy's bday! Went to pray to him this morning before heading to work. :) I'm a good girl!! Met Bee and Felix for dinner after work today. Head...