Heavy Heart..

Visited gram this morning. I came home with a very heavy heart. At 1 point in time, I actually teared at the medicare centre that gram is in. I couldn't control it.. Looking at how much my gram's condition has deteriorated, I really couldn't be strong. I couldn't hide my sadness.. Esp when I heard that she told my aunt's maid a few weeks ago that she saw my dad.Right at that moment, my tears started rolling down my cheeks..

The whole time I was there, I talked in gram's ears. I know that she heard me coz she reacted to what I said. Her actions told me that she's scared and afraid of something but she was unable to lemme know what she was afraid of. Was it my dad? She didn't open her eyes, refused to swallow or even drink the milk that was fed to her. She kept letting it trickle down her mouth. It was very disheartening..

We suspect that she's suffering from depression but we really dunno if we're right. How I wish I know how to help my gram.. How I wish I can do something. And I start regretting why I didn't study harder to fulfil my gram's and my ambition of being a doctor.. Coz if I had, I would be able to help her now. It jus saddens me and I wonder if I can contain my sadness to enjoy my weekend or be happy at Anne's housewarming later.

I'll try to control myself and stay strong..

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