When I Dream~

Had a very much needed weekend getaway with the sun, sand and the sea - Bintan. Went with Bee, Felix and Eeyore. It was basically a very relaxing weekend where we simply chilled out, sat around, chatted, tanned, swam. I kayak-ed for the very 1st time and it was fun! :) Very enjoyable trip that I had! What made the whole trip more enjoyable was the fact that gram teased me and smiled very happily when I visited her before I went Bintan. Made me very very pleased! I love seeing gram smile and that was something she hasn't done for very long. She hasn't spoken for almost a month and for her to even tease me, I felt worth it. :) Everything was made beautiful coz of her little action. ;p I'm a happy gal once again! Very very tired now. Gotta go office early tomorrow morning coz I left office early on Fri nite without finishing my work. So time for me to hit the sack while I am still dreaming and smelling suntan lotion and the nice sea breeze at this moment. Can only wait for my ...

Visited gram this morning. I came home with a very heavy heart. At 1 point in time, I actually teared at the medicare centre that gram is in. I couldn't control it.. Looking at how much my gram's condition has deteriorated, I really couldn't be strong. I couldn't hide my sadness.. Esp when I heard that she told my aunt's maid a few weeks ago that she saw my dad.Right at that moment, my tears started rolling down my cheeks.. The whole time I was there, I talked in gram's ears. I know that she heard me coz she reacted to what I said. Her actions told me that she's scared and afraid of something but she was unable to lemme know what she was afraid of. Was it my dad? She didn't open her eyes, refused to swallow or even drink the milk that was fed to her. She kept letting it trickle down her mouth. It was very disheartening.. We suspect that she's suffering from depression but we really dunno if we're right. How I wish I know how to help my gram.. How...

A lot of people think that me, being without parents, should be very very carefree and that I have tonnes of money coz I don't have to give allowance to parents anymore. They think that I have a house of my own, I'm collecting rental = I am rich. Sorry to disappoint all, but I am not rich. The inside story of my life, I don't think I wanna share. I still have my gram whom I give allowance to, whom I still worry about. My gram hasn't been doing well for about a month already. She's refusing to eat, refusing to even get out of bed. She hasn't been eating.. All she does is sleep. Even when we visit her, she refuses to open her eyes to look at us. I really dunno what's wrong with gram. I'll visit her this Saturday and if she's really not good, we'll send her to the hospital. How the hospital can help, I really dunno coz gram is senile and if she doesn't even wanna look at anyone or talk to anyone, how is anyone able to help? Sighz.. Really at a l...

Back from Leo's dad's wake. It saddens me to see my close friend, someone who's always chirpy and crappy, looking so down. When I reached, his eyes were swollen, his face was red, he looked tired and unhappy. I'm not surprised that he looked like that but somehow, my heart had a sudden aching. I felt his sadness as memories of my own dad's funeral came back to mine. So many uni friends were there that it was almost a huge gathering. People I haven't seen since I graduated or seniors who graduated before me. We were all there. Leo's gf, Lisa, was also there. She's a very very nice girl. I think, she will be good for Leo. :) I'm happy that at least he has someone there for him. Despite the troublesome journey there (MRT then bus then walk), it was worth the effort. Stayed for 3 hours and controlled my bladder for the whole 3 hours. Irvin was very nice to offer Jon & I a ride but Jon gave wrong directions, etc etc.. So I dropped off 2 bus stops away...

Had a very good weekend I must say.. Fri: Went home straight after work to open the door for my part time cleaner. Played with my neighbour's grand-daughter before heading home. She is soooo friendly and cute! Love her big, round eyes! :) Waited for Eeyore to come home and after cleaner left, we had a quiet little nite by ourselves. Watched "The Notebook" on my bed with a bowl of my fave caramel popcorn in the arms of Eeyore. The show.. is aboslutely fantastic and touching! Sooo captivating and I felt like the lead actress's life and character in the show is so much like mine. I teared at the end coz I started wondering if I'll ever find a guy like the lead actor in my life. Sighz... :_( Sat: Showered, drove to Kallang to meet his friends for dinner. We were early n hungry so had yoghurt 1st. Nice! Called my aunt regarding gram's bday and I was sad to find out that gram's condition has deteriorated yet again. :( Dinner at Mushroom Pot. Then rushed to watch...

While showering, I suddenly thought of something and what I realised made me sad.. At weddings, the newly weds will thank their parents for bringing them up, etc etc. And I realised that if I ever get married, who will I thank? Will my parents hear me thanking them? As Mother's Day draws nearer, my emotions start to stir yet again. Am I getting old coz my emotions are becoming sadder and more depressing each day? I gave flowers to the mothers in my office. But yet, I can't give my own mum anything.. 19 years since she left me.. People who know her looks at me and tells me I look like her. They all say they see my mummy in me. They tell me that my mummy was pretty. My mummy will always be pretty in my heart. I know I am nowhere close compared to her. Last week I was missing my dad.. This week, I am missing my mum.. It sucks to be an orphan..

The standard has been set for weddings. I really felt touched with the words said, the sweet moments and the song ZL sang for Lynette. It was a beautiful moment.. And it brought back memories.. I always tend to be more emotional during weddings. I'll think back on times and days when there are guys whom I thought I'll end up marrying or wanna marry. But at the end of the day, I'm still not married. At weddings, I'll feel like I'm gonna be left on the shelf somehow. Weddings are supposed to be nice and romantic.. Should look on the bright side. Even if I'm left on the shelf, I still have my family and friends. :)