When I Dream~

If my dad was still alive, tomorrow would be his 58th bday. I no longer have the chance to wish him a Happy Bday in person. I wish I had been nicer to him in the past, treated him better. I miss my daddy..

1st and foremost, I've gotta wish Eeyore a happy bday! :) It's his bday today and we've been spending time the whole week together, be it dinner after work or simply heading home together. As Hua Hin was postponed, I really had no idea what to do for his bday. My surprise for his bday gift was spoilt when he purposely ended work early to meet me on Thurs. :( Bought him Shure SE210 earphones and music adapter to be used on his iPhone. Actually, it's coz I lost them when he bought them the previous time so.. Yeah I know.. I'm kinda un-original but I really didn't know what to get for him and it's not easy to get the Shure adapter in Singapore. I had to go thro the distributor, get contact for the retailer, call n reserve them coz it was the last piece! Then cabbed down to collect them. :p But I'm glad that it's something that he likes and wants. Met up with BS & Esther for dinner at Orchard on Fri. A quiet nite, jus dinner and some walking around b...

I know many people have been concerned. Thanks all! :) No worries.. I'm ok. We're ok. In some way.. Heated sms exchanges on Sun nite. Conclusion: We still have feelings for each other so.. We're still together. Have put that argument behind us (or so I hope) and moving on now. I'm disappointed (very very disappointed) that my trip to Hua Hin to celebrate his bday had to be cancelled (rather, postponed but it doesn't mean the same anymore). All coz of the stupid troubles and drama in Bangkok. Sighz.. :( So now, we have totally no plans for his bday and I'm trying to wreck my brains as to what to do. This sucks sooo bad.. But as long as we're still together, I'll put in effort for this relationship. Time to think hard..

3 days of non-communication, 3 days of nonchalence and non-caring. I'm still surviving. Not to worry. Desaru / Kota Tinggi today was fun. Lots of cold, lame jokes. The most beautiful sight was the fireflies. Slowly cruising along the river and looking at the fireflies blinking in the darkness of the nite. It was an amazing sight! Looked like Christmas trees lightings, just that it's natural lights from the fireflies. :) I'll always remember the sight of it all. Thanks to big bro, Stephen, for organising this trip for us. Came at the right time. More trips are being talked about. Keeping my fingers crossed that it will be successful. :p Realised that everytime I have relationship problems or am not happy, my luck in other things will be better. I was the 1st to be picked in the lucky draw. Haha. Should I be happy or sad? The heart tells the brain, "Stop thinking!" The brain tells the heart, "If you can stop feeling the pain, I won't be thinking!"

I always say.. Words are said but meant to hurt Promises are made only to be broken Hearts are to love but end up being torn apart That's me. I told myself I will not cry for u again, not ever again. Even if we were to break up, I will not cry. I have evolved. I am not a weakling. I have all along been a strong, independent person. I do not need another man in my life before I can let go of my feelings or to even mention break up. No, there's not me. And right now, at this instant, I am still me. Trip to Hua Hin cancelled. I don't care and I won't give a damn. I need to have my own life back. I need to live it the way I know it and the way I like it. I have always been a happy-go-lucky girl where sadness only lasts 1 day. And yes, I am back to that state. It only lasted a day. I was crazy in & out of office the whole day. If I didn't say it, no one would know that I was even remotely unhappy. That's me. Always has been, always will be. Mahesh kept making me ...

Today, the comments I received were "Why do u look unhappy?", "Are u very tired?", "u haven't recovered?". When I met Meng, he immediately commented that he can't feel my presence. Did I seem that bad today? I dunno.. I know I was kinda moody but seriously, I dunno why I'm feeling this way. Sighz.. They played some post Easter game in office today. Nobody in my dept joined in. We jus went about with business as usual while people were screaming, shouting and running around in office. As for me, I continued sitting there being quiet and keeping to myself. Was talking to Carissa mummy the other day and I don't really enjoy being in office anymore. Getting a bit wary... Of people and of work. Maybe coz I don't have much work to do these days that's why it sucks even more. I dunno.. I'm just.. Bored of it all. Had a good catch up session with Meng and Shuang @ PS. As always, they make me laugh. But they said that I seemed to have ch...

Back to work yesterday and everyone went "You lost weight!!!" Even my sis kept saying that I am super skinny now. Ain't my fault for puking and having diarrhoea! Now, it's down to coughing and having blocked and runny nose. Wonder if that's good or bad. The CEO of DBS passed away. It was only yesterday that I found out his wife is actually 1 of my dealers. :( My condolences to her and her family. It is very sad. Life's really unpredictable. Gotta cherish what we have. Reading "The Time Traveler's Wife". Damn nice. Nearing the ending.. I shall try and finish it up by tonite..

Fighting hard to overcome my gastric flu. I kept puking yesterday. Thank God I decided to stay home and rest instead of forcing myself to work coz I would have died in office. My back and head hurt sooo bad that I had to keep changing positions to make myself feel better. I ended up sleeping in a sitting position most of the time. :( Eeyore has been cooking porridge for me these 2 days. :) It was bland but the sweetness was from the effort that he took. The fact that he knocked off at 9.30pm and rushed home to cook for me is more than enough to make me touched and happy. He's gone off to KL now.. :_( Cher cooked dinner for me tonite. Couldn't eat the mushrooms coz the smell was too strong and it made me wanna puke. I love mushrooms.. Today, I jus couldn't do it. Sighz.. I think, I've lost al the weight that I've gained coz of the amount I vomitted and the little amounts that I ate. I really can't put on weight.. I always fall sick after that.. As Eeyore won'...

Puked in office. Dashed to toilet in front of my dept people and everyone had a shock. Came out from toilet and was shoo-ed home by everyone. I had been controlling it within me since after lunch and 5.30pm was the max.. Cabbed home, tried to sleep but couldn't. Went to doc who said I have gastric flu.. AGAIN. Sighz. My head feels like it's gonna burst now and my whole body is aching. I'm waiting for dinner to be bought home by Eeyore but as always, he's stuck at work. I've got no dinner so I can't take my medicine and I feel damn lousy right now. I think.. I'm gonna sleep while waiting for his dinner before I seriously collapse..

Last nite when I went out for dinner with Eeyore after reaching home, we talked about a topic. He asked me why does it seem like I have no best friend. I pondered and realised that somehow, my best friends have disappeared with time. I have lots of close and good friends like the bellas, Bee, Felix, and some more. But not really a very very best friend. The previous very very best friends have now moved on with their lives.. Told Eeyore that right now, he is my bf and my best friend. And the realisation hit me.. I think I'll be lost without him. That I'll feel weird. But I know I have friends who will be there.. Friends who are there for me.. :) And that made me feel better. Eeyore's going to KL again this weekend. Hate it whenever he goes back KL without me. Plane tix went crazy due to the long weekend and I couldn't book a ticket. :( A weekend without Eeyore with me.. But a weekend with my friends! :p Mixed feelings but I think I'll have a great weekend neverthele...

A very enjoyable weekend I had. It's been more or less very good weekends these days. :) I was lost.. But found yesterday. He abandoned me at Clarke Quay, all alone without my hp. I felt lost.. Didn't know where to wait and I couldn't get him on the phone which I borrowed to use at Brewerkz. Couldn't get my sis or MZ. Felt so angry.. The promise of me not being alone ever again was broken. Cabbed home angrily after managing to find sis. He finally saw the 36 missed calls on his hp and the sms from MZ that I had gone home. After some pacifying, he was forgiven. Gave him 45 mins to think of a way to make me happy once again. This was what I received. :p Warning to him was that flowers will not work the next time round. Hehe. By night time, sis was teasing me coz he and I kept laughing in the car. I guess.. That's what love is all about. ^.^

6am in the morning, I woke up crying. A very bad dream.. Rather, it was a sad dream. Dreamt that it was Xmas season. My parents are dead.. Watching all the families celebrating Xmas made me sad and alone. I stayed strong but when my siblings (in my dream I had an elder bro who is some Westerner from my office floor but I dunno him, and my sis) gave me the nonchalent attitude, I was very upset. What started me crying was gram.. Gram gave me a red packet for Xmas.. Told her it was Xmas, not Chinese New Year but she insisted that I take it. I couldn't take it anymore and I hugged her soooo tight.. And I started crying while she comforted me. And there I was, in real life, crying away as I cried in my dreams. :_( Eeyore happened to wake up at the same time and chided me for sleeping in my "little" comfort corner, far away from him. When he realised that I was crying, he became very concerned and kept asking me what was wrong. Gave him a brief summary of my dream and the touch...