When I Dream~

I wish my family will stop telling me to show concern for my sister. I think I've done more than enough for her. When all the shit 1st started, I was there for her. She treated me like shit and gave me crap. Yet I stood by her. But where was she when Eeyore and I ended? Nowhere. Any concern from her? Nope. I've definitely done more for her in my entire life than she has for me. And I'm seriously sick and tired of her lies and nonsense. Sorry to be mean or be calculative. But there's only so much a person can take. If everyone is sad for her now or feels sorry for her, pities or sympathizes with her, then so be it. Do not tell me or drag me into this. Yes, I do feel bad for her too. But I can't forget nor can I forgive. If it weren't for her and her husband, Eeyore and I would be happily married now. I wouldn't be feeling this fucking pain in my heart every single day. I won't feel like I've been stabbed a million times in my heart. I won't be ...

I guess.. This is it.. I have been stupidly waiting and going round in circles for the last 2 years, unable to give up and wishfully hoping. But I guess.. It's time for me to move on. No point waiting or hoping anymore.. No wonder.. Now I know why.. Someone new in his life.. And here I am, wishing, wondering.. All for nothing, all over nothing. Never mind.. I'm just not meant to be happy or have happiness in my life. My wonderfully fucked up life.. Well, at least I have some good friends and their lovely children/pets to cheer me up once in a while to prevent me from going mad or overly depressed. Time heals all wounds.. Really? How long more is it going to take? If it really does heal all wounds, it's been 2 years now.. Why am I still crying my eyes out and feeling so shitty? Why does it hurt so bad? Why???