Time to think..
In the end, I couldn't bring my ass to get moving to the hospital as I felt nauseous from the stupid headache. Glad that I'm feeling ok now. Waiting for my aunt to pick me up from home and go to the hospital together.
Not yet cried today. Think as the reality starts to gradually sink in, the tears will stop and it's time to think. What would be the best for my dad and myself as I'm the one who is impacted the most though I have an elder sis? The road to recovery for my dad will be a long one which will take months to at least a year. Hopefully he wakes up fast enough for the journey to begin. I've got to work and nobody will be home to take care of him.. So what's the best solution?
My aunts and I have considered hiring a maid or registered nurse but my dad is a big man (aka fat). Can the nurse manage? In the end, we've decided to put my dad in a nursing home (hopefully the same as gram so that it'll be easier for me). I'll visit dad on weekends same as gram. But now comes the money issue. Putting dad in a nursing home is definitely not cheap and the fact that my pay is seriously not that high (unlike what Felix likes to think - ie, my pay is way up there), this is gonna be a problem.
My only 2 options now are: (1) Rent out my dad's room as well for extra income, or (2) Rent out the whole house and I move to stay with my sis so that I can have more 'subsidy' to pay for dad's nursing home charges. I know that option 2 will be better for my sis and I but honestly, my sis is married and living with her hubby. Much as she has always wanted me to stay with her, I have never taken that option as I do not wanna be a burden to them and to be the 'lightbulb' or a source of their arguments in future.
But staying with so many strangers in the same house, I'm not sure I can get used to it. But I've stayed in this house for so long, I've got memories here and all the freedom that I want. Haven't discussed the 2 options with my sis yet and I'm in such a dilemma.. Sighz... Dunno what to do.
It's also through this incident that I know who my true friends really are and who truly loves and cares for me. The most touching moment should be when Matt called me this afternoon all the way from LA. It was so unexpected and yet, so sweet. For a friend whom I've only known since Mar or Apr this year, Matt has truly shown and demostrated what a true friend is. Thanx dear, for all the well wishes, encouragement and everything else u have shown and given to me as a friend! I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.
Of coz, there are other friends who have shown their care in 1 way or other. Like Meng who is so sick in Dubai yet encouraging me everytime he sees me online. Jean who messaged and called me asking if I need company. Thanx to Ben as well.. Can't remember when I gave u my blog add and never knew u actually do read. :) Love and care comes in different ways and everybody has their own life to lead. Who can really care about me in the long run? Like I was telling Zoey, I have become an orphan all of a sudden, left to fend for myself.
I have managed to see the real care from several people but not from guys who claim their love for me. Through this, I know who truly loves me and it's definitely not from such guys. What I want, I don't see in any of them. Do not tell me you love me when you don't even know how to truly care for me in times like this. Love is not like that, and love is definitely not anywhere in the priority list right now.
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Just came back from visiting my dad in the hospital. He's much better today! Finally he can hear us talking and respond by nodding his head. The nurse told me that my dad actually can open his eyes on and off today. Yay!!! It was such a comforting moment for me. Dad was so naughty! He kept lifting his head up, right hand and leg as well. Think he's restless and I know Dad's stubborn (I take after him on that). He heard us and he wanna get up but he can't coz of all the tubes and stuff. I'm soooo happy that at least my dad is finally more conscious. :) Nothing beats knowing my dad's better.
Talked to my sis and Ann (my cousin) about the 2 options. My sis said she would love to have me with her and that she won't interfere with my freedom. Said I should rent out the whole house but lock up the master bedroom (aka my room). I'm considering the option. Like I said.. I don't think I can get used to living with total strangers in my house anyway. Ann said I could live with her as well. Everybody has been so kind to me. I know and I understand. I feel it.. But I'm so used to having my own place, my own room and toilet and stuff.. It's not easy for me to adapt. I think I need time to adjust and to adapt..
Who can understand how I feel? Who can know what I want? Does anybody even care? Will anybody be able to give me the advice that I need? Will anybody be able to give me the love, care and concern that I yearn for but never get? Will I ever be the same again?
Not yet cried today. Think as the reality starts to gradually sink in, the tears will stop and it's time to think. What would be the best for my dad and myself as I'm the one who is impacted the most though I have an elder sis? The road to recovery for my dad will be a long one which will take months to at least a year. Hopefully he wakes up fast enough for the journey to begin. I've got to work and nobody will be home to take care of him.. So what's the best solution?
My aunts and I have considered hiring a maid or registered nurse but my dad is a big man (aka fat). Can the nurse manage? In the end, we've decided to put my dad in a nursing home (hopefully the same as gram so that it'll be easier for me). I'll visit dad on weekends same as gram. But now comes the money issue. Putting dad in a nursing home is definitely not cheap and the fact that my pay is seriously not that high (unlike what Felix likes to think - ie, my pay is way up there), this is gonna be a problem.
My only 2 options now are: (1) Rent out my dad's room as well for extra income, or (2) Rent out the whole house and I move to stay with my sis so that I can have more 'subsidy' to pay for dad's nursing home charges. I know that option 2 will be better for my sis and I but honestly, my sis is married and living with her hubby. Much as she has always wanted me to stay with her, I have never taken that option as I do not wanna be a burden to them and to be the 'lightbulb' or a source of their arguments in future.
But staying with so many strangers in the same house, I'm not sure I can get used to it. But I've stayed in this house for so long, I've got memories here and all the freedom that I want. Haven't discussed the 2 options with my sis yet and I'm in such a dilemma.. Sighz... Dunno what to do.
It's also through this incident that I know who my true friends really are and who truly loves and cares for me. The most touching moment should be when Matt called me this afternoon all the way from LA. It was so unexpected and yet, so sweet. For a friend whom I've only known since Mar or Apr this year, Matt has truly shown and demostrated what a true friend is. Thanx dear, for all the well wishes, encouragement and everything else u have shown and given to me as a friend! I appreciate it, from the bottom of my heart.
Of coz, there are other friends who have shown their care in 1 way or other. Like Meng who is so sick in Dubai yet encouraging me everytime he sees me online. Jean who messaged and called me asking if I need company. Thanx to Ben as well.. Can't remember when I gave u my blog add and never knew u actually do read. :) Love and care comes in different ways and everybody has their own life to lead. Who can really care about me in the long run? Like I was telling Zoey, I have become an orphan all of a sudden, left to fend for myself.
I have managed to see the real care from several people but not from guys who claim their love for me. Through this, I know who truly loves me and it's definitely not from such guys. What I want, I don't see in any of them. Do not tell me you love me when you don't even know how to truly care for me in times like this. Love is not like that, and love is definitely not anywhere in the priority list right now.
---------------------------------------------------------------------
Just came back from visiting my dad in the hospital. He's much better today! Finally he can hear us talking and respond by nodding his head. The nurse told me that my dad actually can open his eyes on and off today. Yay!!! It was such a comforting moment for me. Dad was so naughty! He kept lifting his head up, right hand and leg as well. Think he's restless and I know Dad's stubborn (I take after him on that). He heard us and he wanna get up but he can't coz of all the tubes and stuff. I'm soooo happy that at least my dad is finally more conscious. :) Nothing beats knowing my dad's better.
Talked to my sis and Ann (my cousin) about the 2 options. My sis said she would love to have me with her and that she won't interfere with my freedom. Said I should rent out the whole house but lock up the master bedroom (aka my room). I'm considering the option. Like I said.. I don't think I can get used to living with total strangers in my house anyway. Ann said I could live with her as well. Everybody has been so kind to me. I know and I understand. I feel it.. But I'm so used to having my own place, my own room and toilet and stuff.. It's not easy for me to adapt. I think I need time to adjust and to adapt..
Who can understand how I feel? Who can know what I want? Does anybody even care? Will anybody be able to give me the advice that I need? Will anybody be able to give me the love, care and concern that I yearn for but never get? Will I ever be the same again?
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