My whining..
It's been a boring Sunday so far. I'm at home, with nothing to do. Been thinking about getting my driver license. Maybe it's time I put the thoughts into action. I yearn for the day when I've got a car of my own, driving alone in the night to wherever I want when I'm unhappy. Feeling the cold breeze, listening to a nice CD and jus driving aimlessly. I love nothing more than freedom, the freedom to do whatever I want, whenever I want. When will that come true?
Read Stef's blog a while ago. Jean told me about it. Not sure if Stef is ok with me reading it and adding the link to my blog. Will ask her about it when I see her online. Stef, if it's not ok, jus let me know and I'll remove the link k?
Realised that everybody puts on a front. Everyone of us has a facade coz there are things that we do not want people to know. When we were drinking at Club Momo once, Ken said this to me, "You don't understand what we (he and some others) are going through coz you are happily in love and have everything in life." What he didn't know was that I wasn't happy that night either coz of something that Tom said and did that truly hurt me, my feelings. Something that I want to forget ever happened.
Yes, I may look happy and satisfied with life all the time. But who really knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. There are times when nobody sees me, deep down inside of what I'm feeling. Nobody knows when I'm upset or feeling down coz I choose not to tell, not to say anything. So many things can be running inside my brain.. Yet.. At times I dunno what I want. That's me. Uncontrollable thoughts making me confused. Thankfully, this doesn't happen everyday or I'll go bonkers.
I haven't drawn for a long time. Come to think of it, it's been almost 5 to 6 years since the last time I drew anything. Haven't been in the right mood to draw. I need to be in the mood before I can draw. That doesn't happen too often. Most of the time it happens, it's at night when everybody's sleeping and it's so peaceful. There I am, in my own world, listening to the songs that I like and I'll have the mood to draw. Haven't felt like that for ages. Sighz..
It's been almost 2 years with Tom now. Been thinking of what I should get for him for our anniversary. I didn't buy him much last year coz I was still working as a temporary staff at that time and his birthday was quite near to our anniversary date. Didn't have much of a choice. We've been thinking of going on a short weekend getaway together but til date, we have yet to plan anything. Or should we jus go for a hotel stay jus like last year? I'm not sure.
I'm someone who loves romantic stuff, but Tom is not a very romantic person. There are times when our characters clash coz of that. I want to be surprised, to have the feeling of romance in our relationship. Maybe coz I'm his second gf and he wasn't with the first gf for very long, he can be quite insensitive at times. Jus like how much I hinted about what I wanted to have on my bday last year, it didn't happen coz he once told me,"I did the same for my ex and she said I was stupid." That hurts, that really did coz she is she and I am me. I'm not gonna dwell on it.
But in my heart and in my mind, I know that for me to be surprised and to have romantic moments with him, I've got to do it myself. This year, for our 2 years' anniversary and for my bday, I'm not sure of what I'll get and whether I'll be surprised or feel the romantic moments. I don't dare to have high hopes anymore. I tried that before and was disappointed. I don't want that feeling again. I'm just gonna be as per normal and see what happens.
It's been a long time since he last drew for me or wrote a poem for me. No wonder people always say, it's the courtship period that's the nicest and sweetest coz things get taken for granted after 2 people have been together for long. I sure hope that this will not be the case.
Think I've complained enough. Dear, hope you won't be too upset, disappointed or angry with what I wrote. Jus felt like whining. Sorry to make you unhappy in any way. I still love you with all my heart.
Read Stef's blog a while ago. Jean told me about it. Not sure if Stef is ok with me reading it and adding the link to my blog. Will ask her about it when I see her online. Stef, if it's not ok, jus let me know and I'll remove the link k?
Realised that everybody puts on a front. Everyone of us has a facade coz there are things that we do not want people to know. When we were drinking at Club Momo once, Ken said this to me, "You don't understand what we (he and some others) are going through coz you are happily in love and have everything in life." What he didn't know was that I wasn't happy that night either coz of something that Tom said and did that truly hurt me, my feelings. Something that I want to forget ever happened.
Yes, I may look happy and satisfied with life all the time. But who really knows what I'm thinking and how I feel. There are times when nobody sees me, deep down inside of what I'm feeling. Nobody knows when I'm upset or feeling down coz I choose not to tell, not to say anything. So many things can be running inside my brain.. Yet.. At times I dunno what I want. That's me. Uncontrollable thoughts making me confused. Thankfully, this doesn't happen everyday or I'll go bonkers.
I haven't drawn for a long time. Come to think of it, it's been almost 5 to 6 years since the last time I drew anything. Haven't been in the right mood to draw. I need to be in the mood before I can draw. That doesn't happen too often. Most of the time it happens, it's at night when everybody's sleeping and it's so peaceful. There I am, in my own world, listening to the songs that I like and I'll have the mood to draw. Haven't felt like that for ages. Sighz..
It's been almost 2 years with Tom now. Been thinking of what I should get for him for our anniversary. I didn't buy him much last year coz I was still working as a temporary staff at that time and his birthday was quite near to our anniversary date. Didn't have much of a choice. We've been thinking of going on a short weekend getaway together but til date, we have yet to plan anything. Or should we jus go for a hotel stay jus like last year? I'm not sure.
I'm someone who loves romantic stuff, but Tom is not a very romantic person. There are times when our characters clash coz of that. I want to be surprised, to have the feeling of romance in our relationship. Maybe coz I'm his second gf and he wasn't with the first gf for very long, he can be quite insensitive at times. Jus like how much I hinted about what I wanted to have on my bday last year, it didn't happen coz he once told me,"I did the same for my ex and she said I was stupid." That hurts, that really did coz she is she and I am me. I'm not gonna dwell on it.
But in my heart and in my mind, I know that for me to be surprised and to have romantic moments with him, I've got to do it myself. This year, for our 2 years' anniversary and for my bday, I'm not sure of what I'll get and whether I'll be surprised or feel the romantic moments. I don't dare to have high hopes anymore. I tried that before and was disappointed. I don't want that feeling again. I'm just gonna be as per normal and see what happens.
It's been a long time since he last drew for me or wrote a poem for me. No wonder people always say, it's the courtship period that's the nicest and sweetest coz things get taken for granted after 2 people have been together for long. I sure hope that this will not be the case.
Think I've complained enough. Dear, hope you won't be too upset, disappointed or angry with what I wrote. Jus felt like whining. Sorry to make you unhappy in any way. I still love you with all my heart.
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