A lousy daughter?
Everytime after I treat my dad somewhat badly or my attitude to him is bad, I ask myself this question, "Have I been too much?" I always feel terrible inside when I talk to him rudely or when I know I had been mean to him. Somehow, it always ends up that way. I can't seem to talk to him properly without our conversation ending on a bad note. Most times, I get irritated by him easily. I admit that I'm not a person with much patience and I hate it when he keeps repeating what he says or that he's told someone else to convey the message to me and yet calls me to repeat the same message again. Yes, I hate that lots. My patience level with him is as good as zilch. Most times, the things he says really gets on my nerves.
I always hear complains about the tenant, about money. Yes, money.. I hate it when he opens his mouth and tells me that he doesn't have money and that sort of crap. You earn your own keep and if you refuse to save and just keep spending, there's nothing I can do. I give you your allowance monthly on time. I give you extra at times and pay for stuff without you paying a single cent. So why tell me you have got no money? I'm paying for all my own expenses and for stuff in the house. There's only so much that I can do. If it wasn't for the sake of money and the fact that I hated my previous job, I won't have to change my job and pay that dumb company money for breaking the contract. I'm only 22 and yet all that revolves in my mind every month when I get my pay is how to split my money and save and pay for everything else. You know how much I hate that? Even if I were to change my job now, I have to make sure that it's paying as well as my current job or even better coz I won't know how to survive.
It explains all my anger and fury for you. You've not done your part as a father ever since I graduated from JC. My school fees and allowances were not given to me by you. I get it from my aunts and I look down on you, on myself for that. I despise the fact that my dad can't even pay for my University fees. Ever since JC, I had to scrimp and save every single cent I had. I never bought much nice stuff for myself coz I knew that if I don't save, I won't even be able to buy stuff at all. And yet, I give you money for your birthday every year and bought you things that you like or want. Still, you are not contented and you're calculative towards me with regards to money. Ask yourself, dig through your conscience. I've done every thing, every single bit of me to be a good daughter to you. What have you done for me? Ask yourself that question. Maybe I shouldn't be guilty about treating you badly everytime anymore. I'm sick of all the guilt trips I've taken. It's time I forgive myself for being mean to you.
Enough said. Supposed to meet my sis today to go Suntec but she played me out. Was lazy to go and hence, I'm here typing my blog. Still thinking about my coffee with my book scenario. I haven't had my caffeine fix today and I don't mind having one soon.
Chuan-ge just messaged me to be in his team for a bowling competition on Dec 7. Seems like the email was sent out today in the office and they're organising teams to join. I'm surprised that he asked me to be in his team. I mean, ya, we're very close friends but my bowling skills ain't that fantastic or something that I can be proud of. I guess it's coz of the bowling night that we organised the other time. I did quite well at first so they thought of me. Haha. That was through a lot of practice and coaching from Tom, else I would definitely be lousy.
So my dearest Tom, I think we will have to go training again soon k? Hehe. Since it's a competition and I was invited to join other people's team, I need all the guidance that I can have. Thanks dearie!
Dilemma: Should I or should I not go for my coffee and read my book? Tough choice..
I always hear complains about the tenant, about money. Yes, money.. I hate it when he opens his mouth and tells me that he doesn't have money and that sort of crap. You earn your own keep and if you refuse to save and just keep spending, there's nothing I can do. I give you your allowance monthly on time. I give you extra at times and pay for stuff without you paying a single cent. So why tell me you have got no money? I'm paying for all my own expenses and for stuff in the house. There's only so much that I can do. If it wasn't for the sake of money and the fact that I hated my previous job, I won't have to change my job and pay that dumb company money for breaking the contract. I'm only 22 and yet all that revolves in my mind every month when I get my pay is how to split my money and save and pay for everything else. You know how much I hate that? Even if I were to change my job now, I have to make sure that it's paying as well as my current job or even better coz I won't know how to survive.
It explains all my anger and fury for you. You've not done your part as a father ever since I graduated from JC. My school fees and allowances were not given to me by you. I get it from my aunts and I look down on you, on myself for that. I despise the fact that my dad can't even pay for my University fees. Ever since JC, I had to scrimp and save every single cent I had. I never bought much nice stuff for myself coz I knew that if I don't save, I won't even be able to buy stuff at all. And yet, I give you money for your birthday every year and bought you things that you like or want. Still, you are not contented and you're calculative towards me with regards to money. Ask yourself, dig through your conscience. I've done every thing, every single bit of me to be a good daughter to you. What have you done for me? Ask yourself that question. Maybe I shouldn't be guilty about treating you badly everytime anymore. I'm sick of all the guilt trips I've taken. It's time I forgive myself for being mean to you.
Enough said. Supposed to meet my sis today to go Suntec but she played me out. Was lazy to go and hence, I'm here typing my blog. Still thinking about my coffee with my book scenario. I haven't had my caffeine fix today and I don't mind having one soon.
Chuan-ge just messaged me to be in his team for a bowling competition on Dec 7. Seems like the email was sent out today in the office and they're organising teams to join. I'm surprised that he asked me to be in his team. I mean, ya, we're very close friends but my bowling skills ain't that fantastic or something that I can be proud of. I guess it's coz of the bowling night that we organised the other time. I did quite well at first so they thought of me. Haha. That was through a lot of practice and coaching from Tom, else I would definitely be lousy.
So my dearest Tom, I think we will have to go training again soon k? Hehe. Since it's a competition and I was invited to join other people's team, I need all the guidance that I can have. Thanks dearie!
Dilemma: Should I or should I not go for my coffee and read my book? Tough choice..
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