Emotional Period For Me

Hasn't been good for me recently but I think it's getting better, or so I hope.. I wish to forget but I know I can't coz there's no outlet for me to let it out (I don't like to tell my family unlike others who love talking to their family members and blindly following or agreeing with their advice.. I'll probably be rebutting them and I want some sort of privacy) so what better way than to blog. My friends can judge me or jus take it with a pinch of salt.. if u have my blog address means u know me well enough to know what kind of person I am.

Bad Stuff

1) Huge argument with Eeyore. He hinted at some stuff and kicked up a huge fuss when everytime he does the same, I keep quiet. He went way beyond the limit and all I did was be a little furious and I was only 1/5 of what he did and he made it into a big issue. I've had enough and I was annoyed but yet, I controlled. Then, he made it worse by saying and hinting that I'm materialistic again. He didn't say it out loud that I'm materialistic but his reaction and the words that came out of his mouth were ugly. I've never felt more insulted in my life.

He didn't even see the thing properly and he jus ranted at me. It was seriously the worst moment ever. I controlled real hard and I went to the toilet, intending to shower but ended up crying and wondering why the hell I'm still trying so hard to make this work. If that's his thinking of me, in the worst possible manner ever coz of his previous experiences, then nothing will ever change his mindset coz he's too stubborn.

I felt insulted, I felt wronged. I cried, real hard and real bad. Even now, when I think back on that nite, my tears fill up in my eyes and roll down my cheeks. It hurts, really does! And I can't look at him without feeling insulted and wronged. I haven't spoken much to him since then, let alone go to work together. I don't even wish to be in the same space as him. But he apologised to me today for making me upset. I would rather the apology be for looking at me in the horrid way that he does and makes me feel.

2) I wish to have a simple life. Things spoil and if I can live with it, I'll gladly do so. I've gone past the phase where I need branded stuff or whatsoever. I have learnt to know and prioritize needs from wants. Had a quarrel with a friend coz of such an issue. It's the way things were said and how things ended up, the sarcasm and how ridiculous it seems that makes me sad. But I still stand by my point. A need is not a want. If it can still be used, I'll still use it. I want a simple life. That's all that I ask for.

"How to win friends" - I don't need to win friends. I have friends, quite a few close ones too. My daddy used to tell me that a person doesn't need that many friends. A few close ones are more than enough. As I grow older, I realise that too. If u don't like me as a friend, u r free to leave. If u want to be my friend, then pls understand the way that I am.

The above 2 events made my mood drop right into depression. To a point where I wonder why I even bother about anything anymore. To the point I really wanted to give up on everything and everyone. Til good stuff started happening..

3) Wiped out my entire iTunes library coz I was using an app to create a ringtone. Sigh.. The hassle of it all. Yet to settle this issue. Guess it'll have to wait..

Good Stuff

1) Lunch with Josh since a long long time ago. It's so nice to meet up with old friends to catch up on life. He bought me lunch at Kenny Rogers and Royce chocs to cheer me up and to thank me for helping him to look for a job when he was down and out. He said something that made me really really touched and look at myself in a different light.

He told me that there was a day he was so close to jus giving up looking for a job. He had been out of a job for months. He couldn't get anything. Even the most possible job that he nearly got, he didn't get it in the end. And that particular day, he was ready to jus let go of everything and surrender. I sms-ed him if he has found a job and asked if he still needed my help to look for whatever is available.

A simple gesture of an sms changed his outlook. He wondered why when he was ready to give up, his friend aka me had not and was still concerned if he had found 1. That was when he knew that he mustn't give up hope when I'm still looking out for him. And he was really thankful and appreciative to me, coz he felt he would not have his job now if he had given up then. :)

Simple words and actions (not the chocs but the gratefulness) made me realise that I shouldn't be sad at all. Some people may not appreciate me as a friend but there are others who will. Not everything is about money. Jus the thought is good enough. And from then on, my gloominess and depression took a huge leap and I knew I was on the road to being normal again.

2) Drinks and dinner with my traders and brokers. They made me laugh endlessly. A bunch of guys with me being the only female. Topics revolved around porn, sex and women of coz. It was interesting to hear the perspective of everyone in these topics. Kinda make me know what some men think. We drank a lot but it felt good!

I have quit smoking long ago and they actually managed to make me smoke a few sticks that nite. Not that I minded coz I've had a tad too much to drink. The food was yummylicious and I still miss the mouthwatering wagyu beef and sashimi from Keyaki!!

3) I may not be appreciated by my own bf or some friends but my traders treat me like a gem. They call me a star, a rock, a legend. Whatever they wanna call me, I'm fine with it coz they have given me lots of compliment and are always thankful and grateful for my help. My job is to assist them (trading assistant, duh!) so it's part of the job yet they r soooo appreciative of it. Jus brightens the day everytime I'm at work. I'm really glad that I left the department that made me angry and impatient with the world and came to a department where it's sunshine and rainbow everyday! :)

Overall, I have a lot to be thankful for in life. So why make myself unhappy and sad? A lot of friends who saw my facebook postings and my previous post have asked me privately if I'm fine or subtly show me that they care about me and will be there for me no matter what. I'm blessed with lotsa fantastic people around me and I'm touched and honoured. To all who have been there for me and will continue being there for me, thank u for everything! U know who u r so I'm gonna let u guys keep ur privacy too, no names to be mentioned here in this post.