Heavy Heart..

Visited gram this morning. I came home with a very heavy heart. At 1 point in time, I actually teared at the medicare centre that gram is in. I couldn't control it.. Looking at how much my gram's condition has deteriorated, I really couldn't be strong. I couldn't hide my sadness.. Esp when I heard that she told my aunt's maid a few weeks ago that she saw my dad.Right at that moment, my tears started rolling down my cheeks..

The whole time I was there, I talked in gram's ears. I know that she heard me coz she reacted to what I said. Her actions told me that she's scared and afraid of something but she was unable to lemme know what she was afraid of. Was it my dad? She didn't open her eyes, refused to swallow or even drink the milk that was fed to her. She kept letting it trickle down her mouth. It was very disheartening..

We suspect that she's suffering from depression but we really dunno if we're right. How I wish I know how to help my gram.. How I wish I can do something. And I start regretting why I didn't study harder to fulfil my gram's and my ambition of being a doctor.. Coz if I had, I would be able to help her now. It jus saddens me and I wonder if I can contain my sadness to enjoy my weekend or be happy at Anne's housewarming later.

I'll try to control myself and stay strong..

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

walking in the woods...

i was watching a tv show just now when i heard this description of love.. "love is like walking in the woods. some people fall in love with the 1st tree that they see, but there are people who cannot decide which tree they prefer. in the end, these people walk out of the woods alone, without finding any tree that they love". i find it quite meaningful. the woods may be big, but some people do manage to find a tree that they love. some people fall in love with the 1st tree that they see and it stays that way forever. some.. walk through the whole woods but due to indecisiveness, are not able to find any tree that they love coz they have either missed the chance n it's too late to turn back or they might have given up the chance. will they regret? some people do but some people don't. there's always 2 sides to a coin, isn't it? some people might have walked into the woods, found a tree that they loved n lost but yet found another tree to stay together wit
Read more

Rumour

Went to a club at Clarke Quay last nite called Rumour with the regulars from Instinct. The club is kinda like Dragonfly but the music is not as good, the live band and singers were also not that good. The lead singer who is supposedly the most handsome has got a whiney voice when he sings. Shudders.. Think I still prefer DF anytime, any day. Reached home at 6 and slept at 6.30am.. Tiring.. I have been pubbing and clubbing 6 nites in a row.. Think I need to cut down and relax a bit. But, drinking is a form of relaxation coz I get to talk to friends and enjoy. :p Had a chat with Mingjie (another regular at Instinct) last nite. He truly impressed me by wooing the same girl for 7 years! He knew her 10 years ago, got together for 3 years, broke up and tried wooing her back for 7 years. It's truly fascinating. I'm amazed and at the same time, envious. No guy have ever wooed me for so long.. All just want me to be their gf within days or weeks. Any longer, they give up or pressure me
Read more

disappointed n jer's departure...

been a little disappointed with friends.. the term 'friends'.. what does it actually mean? someone u can talk to, someone who will be there for u? how many people can do that for a long time? i'm not very sure but i used to try n keep it contact with close friends in the past. i did all i could to stay in touch n find out what's going on in their lives so that our friendship can stay strong. however, that wasn't the case. 1 fine day, i finally decided to stop taking the initiative to remain in contact with them n the result was, they didn't bother either. what happened to the friendship between us? i'm not sure. but it takes 2 hands to clap n i don't understand y i always have to be the one who makes it happen. i've lost many friends coz of that. upset.. of coz i was. i've always treasured friendships but i don't see the point of hanging on if the friendship is so 1-sided. disappointed.. i've always believed that to be friends, we have to
Read more